Mid-Life Unfolds

Life Unfolds - Dedicated to "Attracting What's Next in Mid-Life and Beyond!" Have you reached mid-life or beyond and are you wondering what is next? Life Unfolds provides business and personal coaching and training to help you thrive while answering the what nexts. We specialize in helping mid-lifers achieve their dreams, change careers, retire happily and to thrive through transitions. More information can be found at http://www.lifeunfolds.com.



Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Faces of Fear

In my workshops, the topic of fear comes up regularly. So many of us are fearful about all sorts of events, situations, feelings and actions. Fear is normal and is a part of the way we are wired as humans. It is one of the ways we are protected from harm. Fear is always with us as long as we are growing and stretching our wings. You may outgrow or outdistance fear in a particular area of your life, but the feeling of fear is always available for the next new thing.

For example, you are just about to travel alone for the first time. You may be fearful of what people will think, how you will manage, what you will do, afraid for your safety, etc. But then you do it, maybe starting with a short trip. And you learn from it and each time you travel alone you are a little less fearful, until one day you realize you no longer fear traveling alone. So you feel no fear in this area of your life. However, then you decide to take up skydiving. The fear rises again and you have to go through the whole cycle again.

The absence of fear means we are growing complacent and staying in our comfort zone. As soon as we push a little, move to a new place in life or try new things on for size, fear comes up. It's natural, but we dread it so. Accepting that fear will arise and that we can acknowledge it and still move forward is critical to our living our dreams. And viewed this way, fear is to be relished because it means we are growing, being all we can be and expanding our life.

One of the things I've learned is how many faces fear has. We probably all recognize that strong, paralyzing fear when something truly dangerous or horrendous is about to happen. You may feel physical symptoms like tight muscles, adrenaline rush, stomach pain or upset, etc. And it feels awful to most of us. It feels like a very strong emotion and often overwhelms us. But fear can come in many different guises.

How about the rational voice of fear? Have you ever wanted to do something out of the norm? Something bigger than you've done before? And this voice in your head starts with the rational arguments on why you don't want to or can't do that? Things like "you're not ready for this" or "this isn't what you really want" or "you could get hurt doing this" or "you dont' have the money, time, energy, support, .... to do this". These may all be the voice of fear. Those of us who have strong rational sides often experience fear in this way. It may be difficult to recognize because it doesn't have that "fear" feeling, although you will probably feel some nervousness or anxiety. Essentially, this rational voice distracts you from the feelings as the argument in your head ensues.

Another voice of fear is experienced through physical reactions or symptions. You may think of starting a new business or leaving a bad relationship and suddenly get sick. Your head aches or back hurts. Maybe you get an upset stomach. It doesn't necessarily feel like an "emotion" but may be the way you experience fear. It can show up in almost any physical way.

Some have mental confusion when fear comes up. To avoid the feeling of fear, some of us have developed a coping mechanism that makes our minds confused or vague. Some people just "go away", that is, their minds lose focus and retreat into thoughts or daydreams or a dreamy state. It may become difficult to concentrate or to focus on anything. It may be challenging to have clear thoughts or to get organized and moving. It may seem like being overwhelmed and unsure of direction. This is just our ego's way of coping with the fear.

You may experience one or all of these different faces of fear in your lifetime. The goal is to recognize it. If you are aware of how and when you feel fear, it is incredibly valuable information. If you are afraid and you know it, you can deal with it. You can decide to back off a few steps until the fear is more manageable. Or you can say to yourself that you accept the fear and you are going to move forward anyway. There are many ways to deal successfully with fear, but the first job is to know you are feeling fear.

If this article has been helpful or you would like to add to it, please add your comments below.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Creativity in Mid-Life

One of the things I've noticed recently is how many of my associates and friends are blossoming creatively in mid-life. Many are taking up art as a hobby or as self-expression. Several of my women friends in their late 30s to early 60s are now taking drawing or painting lessons, after a lifetime of thinking of themselves as non-artists. But don't leave out the male friends. One has moved from banking to film editing. Another has moved from industrial welding to metal arts. Some are taking up musical instruments or writing fiction.

Maybe it is the realization that life is too short not to have fun. Maybe it is the inability to keep our innate creativity bottled up any longer. Maybe it is an important way to express who you truly are as you discover who you truly are...a common mid-life journey. Whatever it is, it's bringing more joy to my friends.

The wonderful thing about creativity no matter what form it takes is that it seems to make us all feel more alive, more involved and more a part of life. There is nothing quite like creating something from your vision, your heart and your hands. It is the process as much as if not more than the final product. There is a certain amount of "wonder" knowing that no one else but you created this and that it is beautiful/intriguing/startling/or whatever!

If your own personal muse is calling you, you may want to check out the wonderful classes at Kay Kemp's Wild Heart Art (http://www.wildheartart.com)

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Free and Easy Ways to Improve Your Mood

o Stop watching the news, listening to the news or reading newspapers and news magazines. I find that if I cannot do anything or do not plan to do anything about a local or world news situation, then it is a waste of my time to ruminate and feel bad about it. For example, you hear about a tsunami or world hunger or a war in another country. If you are not planning on doing something about it, then why think about it. Why let those media pictures stick in your head to replay over and over? Eliminating this news from your daily routine can make a huge difference in your level of worry and anxiety.
o Stop reading violence, horror and sadness in stories such as murder mysteries, horror, crime fiction, war stories, especially if you have it as a steady diet.
o Stop watching violence and sadness in TV and movie programs.
o Stretch, walk, exercise at something that is fun. Something you look forward to, not dread.
o Listen to uplifting music (classical, bluegrass, marches, rock and roll, old time gospel, spiritual, whatever makes your heart soar)
o Listen to or read something funny. Laugh out loud.
o Evaluate your friendships and relationships for negativity. Reduce or eliminate exposure to those that drag you down. Gossip can bring you down as well.
o Set up your personal environment for ease and peace. Declutter, stay organized and clean. Add beauty to all areas of your life, wherever possible.
o Make a book or poster of the things that you most want in your life. Look at your dream or desires pictures and really give them your full attention. Feel how happy you will be when you have them in your life.
o Play with a small child or baby.
o Meditate daily.
o Smile while imagining a favorite place in nature, kittens, a loved one, a beautiful sunset, a fun vacation or sport.

The trick is you actually have to do them, not just read the list or think about them. So do it now!

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Happiness is Socially Responsible

At this time of my life, I am happier more consistently than I have ever been in my entire life. Sometimes when I talk about this with people, they say, but how can you be happy? Look at the state of the world, so much suffering, and so on. I say my happiness is not dependent on what happens outside of me. Somehow that doesn't seem to satisfy.

Recently in one of my Quantum Goal Setting group coaching sessions, someone mentioned feeling very guilty about how much she had and how happy she was. I paraphrased Wayne Dyer who said "You cannot be unhappy enough to make others happy". In other words, no matter how unhappy you get for those others or because of those others, it will not change their happiness level. What he meant was that you being unhappy, too, is not going to change those other's happiness. All it would mean is now you have two unhappy people instead of one. So what does this mean for us?

Be happy. Live happy. Express happiness. Share happiness. Teach happiness to your children. This is how you make a difference in the world. As the Buddhists would say, you cannot help others while suffering yourself. Being happy is the socially responsible thing to do. Your happiness will set an example, radiate out to others, and change the overall energy level of the entire world. If you are happy and because of that a few others have their mood lifted a little, then their moods being lifted causes an uplift in the moods of the folks around them, there is a positive ripple effect.

In case you doubt that happiness can make changes in and of itself, let me give you a couple of examples. The first is taken again from Wayne Dyer. In an article at www.healthtimesonoma.com/spring04/wayne.html, he says, "An interesting physical phenomenon occurs when you are kind to someone, Dyer says. Both you and the person you are kind to end up with a good feeling, a real increased level of serotonin, the calming, feeling-good hormone. Even better, the witnesses to this act of kindness also feel good, and their serotonin levels increase as well."

"You know how good you feel when you see an act of kindness. You know how bad you feel when you listen to the news. The answer is to really change around your energy," he says.

"The solution to all of that for each and every one of us is to say 'I want to feel good and I want to teach every one around me to feel good', and if enough of us learn to feel good, and that is the same thing as saying I want to feel God" “… Instead you start practicing acts of kindness and acts of love and eventually, inch by inch, the world is a better place," Dyer says.

"A universal source that creates everything in this universe comes from a perspective of kindness," Dyer says.

In another study, meditation was found to significantly drop the crime rates in several major US cities. The meditation was done by an organized group within the city and others in the cities noted more calm even though they were unaware of the meditation going on. This effect lasted for awhile even after the meditation ceased. Additionally, crime rate dropped in the cities by as much as 25%. To see more about one of the studies, see http://www.istpp.org/crime_prevention/

So using only a small leap of imagination, if you compare kindness or the meditative state to happiness, you can see that happiness can make a real difference to those around you and even to those across the world through the ripple effect.

Striving for happiness is not only NOT SELFISH, it is the socially responsible thing to do. So go for it!

If you are not on my mailing list yet, add yourself by entering your email ID in the box in the sidebar on this page and receive my free report "85 Ways To Be Happier Now!".

Please let me know what you think about this article by leaving a comment.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

How I Spend My Weekends

This is a picture of my very cute grandson, Jule. He's
2 1/2 years old. It was taken at a park near his home.
It's our favorite thing to do together, go to the park and run wild! What a joy he is!!

I never thought I would be in mid-life and feeling such
love and joy at caring for a two year old. I am so fortunate that I live near his family and they are so generous with letting me keep him so often. It's a win-win-win for everyone!

Of course, I've opted for work-life balance so that I can include more time with my family and less at work. That smile on his face is one of the payoffs for doing this!

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Monday, May 15, 2006

Take Back Your Life - No TV

We are currently running an experiment in our home...no television. We cancelled our satellite service and do not have an antenna, so we have no television viewing in our home right now.

I have not watched much television in several years, but my husband uses television as a way to relax and unwind. He loves the sports, the Sopranos and the financial talk shows. We've been exploring ways to have more personal connection, and also to generally spend our time more productively. You know spend our time meditating and exercising and cooking together. Things we say we don't have time for. It was his idea (and yes, I was shocked) to turn off the television.

Not having the television doesn't have much impact on me, but it's huge for my husband. So what has he discovered since we haven't had the television as an escape?

  • We can talk to one another for an entire evening with no distractions.
  • It takes a few days to stop thinking about TV.
  • We have time to do chores in the evenings.
  • We have been to two movies together and enjoyed both.
  • We have more than enough time to meditate AND walk each evening if we so choose.
  • We've managed to fill the weekends with both work and play and more of it together.
  • TV is a crutch. We used it to escape from boredom, exhaustion, conflict, etc.
  • We are laughing more.
  • TV watching is a habit. Most of us turn it on even when we're not really interested in what is on the TV.
  • Basically, with no television, he has about 20 to 25 extra hours a week to do whatever he likes. And, I have about 4 extra hours a week.
  • I didn't think I watched much TV, but I actually had a habit of eating my lunch in front of the TV and occasionally watching a movie on the weekend on TV.

I challenge you to measure how much time you actually watch television and/or to just turn it off. See how your life changes for the better. See how much more life you have!

Please let me know what you think about this article. Was it helpful? Comments can be added below.



All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Return from the Big Apple

I had a wonderful time in New York City this past week. I attended the Power of Collaboration conference with an incredible group of people. It was led by Milana Leshinsky, Andrea Lee and Michael Port. I met so many inspiring people and the ideas, enthusiasm and energy were flowing and expanding and just so exciting. I came home with several new friends and collaborators and lots of new product ideas.

Collaboration is not only good for me in my business, but in my personal life as well. One of the themes is that we are greater together than we are on our own. I can see how this applies to my own life. For example, when my neighbors come together to solve a problem such as crime or dropping property values, we can do so much more together and more easily than each of us could do alone. It is more fun, more interesting, and more pleasurable than being the lone wolf, feeling as if you are crying in the wilderness. I collaborate with my friends on things as simple as taking a Mexico vacation together or finding new ways to attract folks to our book clubs or meditation get-togethers. I don't usually think of this as collaboration, after all we are friends. But that is exactly what it is.

If you are trying to do too many things on your own, even if you have the know-how and can do it solo, I encourage you to explore the idea of collaborating with someone. How can you use this idea to make your life easier and more enjoyable? If you are trying to accomplish something in your life right now, who can you call to help or to work or play with? See how many ways you can think of to collaborate with someone today.

Please let me know what you think of this article.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Traveling

I won't be posting for a few days as I am traveling to New York for a Power of Collaboration Conference. I'm really excited about the trip. Have a great weekend and I'll talk with you soon.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Believe in Yourself -- Daily!

I've found a really cool new fr*ee resource for you that you're going to love. James Smith, a friend of mine, is offering a fr*ee daily MP3 download.

James is a true believer in having an extraordinary life and that it starts with believing in yourself. His message is one we all need to hear. I signed up and am already using it. It has really inspired my morning routine. It's fr*ee so click here to find out more or to sign up!

If you try it, let me know what you think about it.