Winning the Hard Way or the Easy Way?

Back in 1979 a group of researchers decided to study the effect of goal setting. They interviewed Harvard MBA graduates, asking a simple question, “Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?” It turned out that only 3% of graduates had written goals and plans. 13% had goals, but they weren’t in writing. 84% had no specific goals at all.

Ten years later they interviewed the class again. They found that the 13% who had goals, but were not in writing, were earning twice as much as the 84% of students who had no goals at all. But that's not the most astounding data. They found that the 3% of graduates who had clear, written goals when they left Harvard were earning, on average, 10 TIMES as much as the other 97% of graduates all together. The only significant difference was the clarity of their goals when they started out.

Many other studies since then have shown the same amazing results.

Whatever the reason for not setting goals, it is one of the reasons we have not discovered our own greatness and don’t have the life we so richly deserve.

Traditional goal setting will get you what you want (mostly) but absolutely counts on you working smartly and hard. I like to win the easy way with less effort and more ease. How about you?

Let's compare the "old way" of setting and accomplishing goals (hard work, lots of effort) and the "quantum" way of setting and accomplishing goals (ease, heart-based action).

Many of you are familiar with the SMART way of setting goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and tangible or timely)? It has been used by businesses for decades and is often used in personal goals classes. I believe that using this method sets you up to live in your head and to work hard. Live in your head and work hard! Is that what we all want? I propose that these two things are the opposite of where we want to be: living in your heart and succeeding or achieving your dreams with ease. Before I compare the traditional ways with the quantum way, what is the quantum way?

Quantum goal setting (one of my workshops) is based on the law of attraction or the power of intention, if you are more familiar with that term. It is to set bold big goals or dreams, to set into motion your own energy through thoughts and emotions so that this goal will be achieved using inspired action with ease. What makes it different from just following the law of attraction is that it provides a structure for clearly laying out goals, taking inspired action, overcoming obstacles and measuring success. It gives you all the tools necessary to achieve whatever you desire.

Specific: Being specific about your goal can be useful. In the quantum way, being specific can aid you in amping up your energy around the goal. But it may work against you in timeliness. That is the less specific, the faster it will happen. The results will be no less satisfying because they depend on your thoughts and emotions.
Measurable: This is another way of saying, how will you know when you’ve accomplished your goal. In quantum, you will know by whether it matches your vision and whether you are happy or satisfied with the outcome. Even if you can’t objectively measure it.
Attainable: The only limitation to what you can achieve is what you believe. If you believe you can own the world’s largest corporation, you can. If you believe you can be a ballet dancer at age 70, you can. If you believe you can be in a wonderful, loving relationship even though you never have been before, you can. Using your head alone, you may not see these as attainable depending on your situation. However, if you do not believe that something is attainable, work on the belief.
Realistic: Another way of saying attainable. Anything you can dream of you can achieve. Many would say that is not realistic.
Tangible and Timely: Again we differ significantly here. Quantum goal setting can be used for such inner intangibles as having more kindness in your life, being courageous, or being more beautiful. And setting a time limit goes against the idea of letting go and allowing the Universe to work its miracles for you. Although time limits can be used.

The Law of Attraction
Are you all familiar with the law of attraction? In brief:
a. It is the way everything is created, including everything in your current life.
b. Like attracts like energetically-speaking. What that means is that the thoughts and emotions you live in attract more of the same.
c. This is based on physics and there is lots of supporting evidence for this.
d. Universe or God if you choose the term, can never fail to give you what you are requesting through your energy, that is, your thoughts and emotions.

Phrase your desires:
As if it has already happened.
In the present.
As specific as you desire it to be.
Instead of being practical or realistic, be bold and dream big.
Look inside, what is it you REALLY want?

TIPS
A few tips to help you get started and on your way to achieving your dreams.
e. Create a physical representation of your dreams. This can be a written description, a drawing, pictures on a poster board, a collage, etc. Find a way to make it “real”.
f. Push yourself to dream as big and bold as you can. Stretch outside your comfort zone. They must still be believable by you.
g. Share your dreams with supportive people ONLY. Don’t open yourself up to negative remarks by sharing with those who you know will not support you.
h. Partner with a friend or family member or group to learn more and practice this process. Get reinforcement.
i. Visit my website and take my free monthly newsletter (http://www.lifeunfolds.com/news.htm)
j. Read books about living your dreams and the law of attraction. Some suggested books are at my website http://www.lifeunfolds.com/books.htm.
k. Celebrate even the smallest steps as you move forward.
l. Have and feel gratitude for everything you have and that is coming to you as we speak.







Copyright 2006 by Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, all rights reserved.

My New Year's Gift to You

I'm feeling especially grateful for my business and for all of you being a part of my life. I'd like to invite you to join me in celebration of the New Year and all the joy and prosperity it will bring to us.

Just as life unfolds in unexpected ways, my free gifts to you will unfold in useful, surprising ways. Each day starting on January 1st through January 7th you will receive a gift via e-mail from Life Unfolds. That's a whole week to celebrate the new year and to get ready for your best year ever.

Each gift will be something you can use, something that will help you create and live a life that matters and to help you live with more joy and peace. Each gift is completely free, nothing to buy, no hidden agenda...just gifts for you.

Thanks for being a part of our community!

To sign up, go to http://www.lifeunfolds.com/newyeargifts.htm.

Wishing you the very best year ever,

Mary Anne

Movie: The Secret

If you haven't seen the movie about the law of attraction, The Secret, you can see it now online for free. Here's the link:

http://www.thescienceofgettingrich.biz/

This site now has the full version of this movie as of 1/15/07.



You might also check ebay.com and half.com.

Holiday Gathering

Left: Here's my 3 year old grandson opening his presents. He's off to Illinois to visit his other grandparents so we had ours early. Ah, what a joyous time he had. And the one on the right is his staged Xmas picture for 2006. He's cute both ways.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Slip Sliding Away

Time...slip sliding away. Time is precious. We do not know how much time we have here to live our lives, to love our families, to achieve our goals. This is part of what makes it so precious.

Often we hear inspiring stories about survivors of a natural disaster or a plane crash or even cancer. Many seem to look at life in a different way when they have a close brush with death. They begin to see what is truly important in their lives. They begin to appreciate the small, simple things in their lives. They strive to laugh more, love more and spend more time, energy and money on what really matters.

It is a real tragedy that we don't appreciate what we have until we come close to losing it or actually lose it. One thing I know for sure is that this life we have is impermanent. The person you read about in the newspaper today who died in a car wreck did not expect it. They were out Christmas shopping or taking the kids to school. They thought they had many more years to live, to improve their lives, to get what they wanted. Life is precious and the end is often sooner than we wish. Regardless of your beliefs about the afterlife, this life is yours right now. It can be happy and fulfilling or it can be miserable and bleak. Truthfully, the choice is yours.

We all blame our circumstances for our happiness or lack of it. But the truth is you can be happy right now no matter what your situation. Simply by choosing to be. We do live, as the saying goes, as if this was a dress rehearsal rather than the real thing. We put off things we know would improve our lives. We postpone actions we know will change our lives because we are waiting for the perfect time or the perfect circumstance. Sometimes this is because of fear or lack of self-confidence. But the only way to make change is to act. One of my clients asked me recently, what is the fastest way to get unstuck. The truth is the easiest way is to move, to act, to take one small step in any direction right now. One step leads to another and another. Before you know it, you're not stuck any more.

I have very wealthy clients and clients on the financial edge. Both can be extremely happy with their finances and both can be miserable. Often the problems are exactly the same, just one of scale. Because the money issue is not about money, but about our own connections, interpretations, beliefs, values and actions. The same can be true of almost any area that typically "causes" unhappiness. We tend to think that when we have (money, love, children, career, home, etc.), we will be happy. But when you get (money, love, children, career, home, etc.), it is replaced with something else (money, love, children, career, home, etc.) as a source for your happiness. We, as humans, never seem to be satisfied. All this means is that happiness cannot be gained by things outside yourself. Happiness comes from within, always. Any thing else is temporary, soon lost on the next wave of desire.

If you feel complacent about your life or feel stuck, here are a few questions to get you motivated.

1. If you were to die tomorrow, what three things would you regret the most, both things you have done and wish you hadn't and things you did not do, but wish you had?

2. If money were no object, what would you wish for the most?

3. If there were no one to judge you, what would you differently with your life?

4. If you had only two more years to live, how would you spend your time?

5. What were your dreams when you were young? Do these things still light you up?

6. What area of your life are you most stuck in? What is one small step that you can do right now to get moving again?

One of my favorite sayings is "Life is short and getting shorter!" Do one thing for yourself today to make your life happier and more satisfying. After all, life is short and getting shorter.

To see the short movie, One More Hour, go here...http://www.inspirationalentertainment.com/1morehr/


All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Step Outside Yourself

The holidays can be wonderful, filled with love, family, gifts, beauty. They can also be very hard, sorrowful, lonely, empty. Hopefully, yours are the former and not the latter.

If you look around you, I believe you will find those for whom the holidays are a particularly hard time of year. Maybe it is a neighbor or a co-worker. It may be one of your friends or acquaintances or even someone in your family. It could even be a stranger, but someone who you just know is having a bad time. It may be someone who has been having a bad year, lost a spouse, is ill, or lost a job. Or it could be someone who has just had a bad life, always suffering with one mishap after another.

If you have a good life then share it with others. If you are happy, you probably have some excess in resources, in love, in generosity, that you can use to make someone else's life a little happier. Below are some ideas to generally spread a little holiday cheer.

1. Call someone whom you know is lonely and have a 15 minute conversation with them. Allow them to talk as much as they wish, but be prepared to carry the conversation ball.

2. Even if you do not send out holiday cards, pick five people who you think may need a little extra cheer this year (because of illness, loneliness, divorce, death, job loss) and send them a personal holiday greeting.

3. Bake (or buy) cookies for the one neighbor you feel could use a little help with the holidays.

4. Offer to babysit for one evening or one Saturday for a working single mom who may be struggling.

5. Have extra books or CDs that you no longer want? Leave them at bus stops throughout your neighborhood for strangers to take. It is like an early Christmas for some. You can also leave in hotel rooms, on the train or bus, or in public bathrooms.

6. Visit someone in the hospital at least once during the holidays. Take a book or candy or flowers. If you don't know anyone who is there, send your extra magazines and books to be given to patients.

7. Do an act of random kindness. If you're in line at the grocery store and see someone who may need help, pay for their groceries. Or if that is out of the question for you, help put their groceries on the conveyor or in the car. See someone waiting for a cab to take their groceries home? Offer them a ride (if safe).

8. Write a letter to someone in your family or a close friend who may need some cheering up. It doesn't have to be long but you may want to include pictures or a newspaper or magazine clipping that would interest them.

9. Invite someone who is lonely to share a holiday event with you. Pay for their ticket if it costs. This could be a "lights in the park", or a concert at a church or music hall, a dinner or a party. If you're thinking, but I don't know if I really like them or want to spend that much time with them, remember this one time it is not about you, it is about them. Giving them companionship and the chance to get out and enjoy themselves.

10. If you have a neighbor who needs a little extra help, buy a gift for them and leave it anonymously on their doorstep. Try to make it something that would bring them a moment of joy or pleasure.

11. Choose one child who needs some extra help and give, give, give! Whether it is time or material goods, clothes, reading tutoring, attention or hugs. Just give.

The amazing thing about this is not only are you sharing your own bounty with others, but the result is you also will feel better and more worthwhile. Give with your heart and it is even more significant.

Do you have your own ideas of how to step outside yourself during the holidays? Please leave a comment.

Eradicate the Holiday Blues

Do you get the blues at the big holidays like Christmas or New Year's? Many of us do. Part of it is caused by stress and unhealthy behavior (too much rich food, alcohol, burning the candle at both ends) and part by our expectations. We look at Christmas through our childhood memories, somehow expecting that our adult Christmases will invoke the same anticipation, excitement and warmth as those of our childhood. Television, commercials and movies reinforce the idea that the holidays are overflowing with joy, love and fun. We believe these holidays are supposed to be filled with good times, fabulous friends, lots of parties and a warm loving family. Most of us have these at one time or another, but not consistently for a month at a time, somehow all converging on this one time of the year, just because it is a holiday. Everyone is busy at this time of year. Everyone is feeling more stress, less energy. And lots of your friends and family are also feeling the blues right now.

So where does this leave us? How can we have more joy, feel better and enjoy rather than dread the holidays?

First, simplify, simplify, simplify. What can you do less of and enjoy more?
1. Cut down on the number of invitations you accept. Only accept those you absolutely know you will enjoy. No "obligation" parties this year. Say no and then no again.
2. Do away with your own entertaining unless it is the highlight of your year. Or do a much simpler kind of entertaining, a potluck or an open house. A friend of mine held a breakfast potluck in the park on Christmas Eve last year. It was so much fun. She didn't have to clean or buy decorations or dress up. She just had to write some emails and bake one breakfast goodie. Some brought bikes to ride, others just came and sat or walked. Many brought their dogs.
3. Cut down on the number of gifts you give, especially those you give out of obligation only. I have done this gradually through the years and now only give a few gifts, all handmade, because that gives me a lot of satisfaction and joy. Giving fewer gifts cuts down on worrying, listmaking, shopping, parking, driving, returning, wrapping, storing, and carting around time and energy.
4. Also reduce the number of places you go during the holidays. When my son was little, he had four sets of grandparents (due to divorces). He was the only grandson and all lived within 30 miles of us. Each year we went to all of these on either Xmas Eve or Xmas day. It was too much for all of us, but at that time we didn't know how to extricate ourselves. We could have invited them all to our house for one celebration or spread it out over several weeks or even split across years.
5. Send no cards out. Reduce your list. Or send out e-cards, much easier than snail mail cards. You can even use a greeting card service where the cards are addressed and sent out for you for a fee.
6. Decorate less. Unless decorating your home gives you a lot of pleasure, cut back or eliminate the decorating. Will one wreath do instead of six? I heard someone talking the other day about putting a tree up in each room of her house. And yes, she was exhausted. Can you cut back even a little on decorating?

Pay attention to your healthy habits. At this time of year, it is so easy to forget our health. We stop exercising and eat copious amounts of rich, fatty food. And many of us do this for a month or more. After all, it is a holiday "season". We often don't get enough sleep because of stress, busy-ness, and socializing. The good news is you are in control of these factors.
1. If you're going to indulge in rich food and more alcohol than usual, limit it to only a few times, not several times every week. Limit your intake of fat to only the dessert. Choose to drink only one or two drinks at any given party. If you're giving your own party, have a few healthy choices for party goers. If you're taking something to a party, take something healthy you can eat yourself. It will help to eat a healthy snack or meal before going to a party. You will indulge less.
2. Make a commitment to yourself that you will get at least seven or eight hours of sleep at least six days a week during the holidays. You'll feel so much better and have more energy and reserves.
3. Exercise. Take the stairs, go on the morning or evening walk before the party. You know you'll feel better if you do.

Combat loneliness and isolation. For some of us the problem is not too much, but too little. Our families may live far away. We may have just moved. Maybe we're between friends. We may be feeling lonely and uncared for. Again, this is in your control to a large extent.
1. If you can't travel to see your family, invite them to you. If that is not feasible, then make sure you have lots of contact with them throughout the holidays. Call them on the major holidays. Ask them to send you a video of the family all together for the holidays.
2. Visit a relative who lives closer to you, maybe a cousin or an aunt and uncle. It may even be someone you are not particularly close to. It is still family and you may be surprised at how well this satisfies that longing for family.
3. If you are not invited to a lot of parties, make your own. You can host a potluck party for all your friends who also live away from families. Or host an open house which usually gives you more time to visit with the attendees.
4. Attend organization events. Most towns and cities have parades, city-wide celebrations such as lighting the town hall tree, club events such as Sierra Club, church or temple events, etc. Get out and be with people. You will feel better even when you don't know them.
5. Call your phone list and make lunch or breakfast plans. Renew old friendships and start new ones.

Create your own traditions. Sometimes our sadness is caused by clinging to old traditions, those of our childhood, our ex-in-laws, our previous stage in life. Our situations in life change and our traditions must change also. As we get older, what served when our children were little, no longer serves when they live in another state (or country!). Mostly we unconsciously cling to these traditions and then are sad when things don't have that same glow as they did before. So this year, begin to create your own traditions, some that are more suited to where you are today. Adjust or start over, whatever serves you best. Don't be afraid to try something new and to take care of your needs first.

Do you have other suggestions on how to combat the holiday blues? Please leave a comment.