The Joy of Solo Excursions

I just returned from a solo camping trip out of state in Santa Fe, New Mexico and thereabouts. I talked with lots of folks before and during my trip, some I know and some new faces. The most common reaction from everyone was "You're camping/traveling alone??!!!" Some thought it was not safe and some thought I would be bored. Some could not even fathom why I'd ever do that by myself. As in, what fun is that?!

This was not my first solo camping trip, nor my first solo travel. I love to camp and I love to do it alone. I'm happy when others want to join me, but if the only way I get to camp is by myself, that's great with me. I also travel alone, eat out alone, go to movies alone, well, you get the picture. I am married, but we don't always like the same activities. And he's not always available when I am ready to do something. Same with friends and family.

So what are the advantages of traveling or doing activities by yourself? There are many and here are a few:

• You get to decide without any consideration of other's happiness, desires, or preferences. For women, this is often a problem as we are trained from birth to put other's wishes before ours. What a great place to get used to what it feels like to listen only to yourself and your own desires for a change.
• You get to be in charge and lead the way.
• You get to decide the pace, the direction, the start and the stop, basically everything.
• You can make real-time changes to your plan without any discussion.
• Often, you will speak to new people more easily because you don't have anyone else to talk to.
• That means you learn things you might not have otherwise.
• You may be able to do things you wouldn't do with your spouse/friends/family. Get up late or go to bed early, read all day, hike all day, take a nap, skinny dip, visit art galleries or churches, whatever floats your boat.
• You get to pick the radio station in the car or choose the CDs to listen to.
• You get to hear yourself think, and to reflect on what you are experiencing.
• It is your experience alone, not bounced off or interpreted by being with someone else.
• You may experience the kindness of strangers alone easier than when with someone. For example, when I camped in Hyde Memorial outside Santa Fe, the park ranger visited me a couple of times a day, just to make sure everything was okay. A couple of the campers stopped by to chat. I think this would not have happened if my husband had been there.
• You get to decide when to eat, what to eat, where to eat, and whether to eat.
• You learn about yourself by listening to yourself and acting on your desires.

I hope you can see how many positives there are to trying more things by yourself rather than always feeling you must have someone else to do them with. You may have tried in the past and not felt the joy. Try again and really notice what is going on. What are you feeling? Are there things you can do to explore and change that to something positive? For example, if you are afraid for your safety, what things can you do to make yourself feel more secure. When I camp, I choose state or national parks where other people are camping. I usually select a site near families and always let the park rangers know that I am a solo female. I also have a personal alarm in my tent as well as my car keys (which can set off the burglar alarm in my car). I am thoughtful about where I travel at night. I also have AAA for auto problems on the road so I never have to depend on help from strangers on the highway. All these things make me feel secure. This took some planning and some experience, and listening to my feelings. The point is that I didn't let my initial fear stop me from doing something I love to do; hike and camp.

If you think you will be bored or it just won't be fun without a friend, ask why that is. I think it is important that you be able to enjoy being alone at times. You have more freedom when this is a pleasurable experience.

What are you not doing because you don't have someone to do it with? Do you use the lack of a significant other or close friend as an excuse to deny yourself some of life's experiences? What are you waiting for?

I'd love to hear your comments about this article.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006