A tamed mind

"A tamed mind makes you peaceful, relaxed, and happy; whereas, if your mind is not peaceful and tamed, no matter how wonderful your external circumstances, you will be beset by frights and worries. Realize that the root of your own happiness and welfare rests with a peaceful and tamed mind. It is also a great benefit to those around you."
--from Mind of Clear Light: Advice on Living Well and Dying Consciously by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, translated and edited by Jeffrey Hopkins, Ph.D.

I found this quote today and wanted to share it with you.

The Mind is a Fascinating Place

Recently, I had a serious health scare. After numerous tests, the diagnosis is still unsure, but it's not the one I most feared and the doctors seemed to think was most likely. During the testing phase, my mind went to all the scary places. My ego took on the persona of "life as I know it is over". I ruminated on all the things I would no longer be able to do (including things I've never done nor ever intended to do). No more mountain climbing for me!! I wasn't depressed or overly worried, but seemed to be preparing myself for the worst and trying to come to terms with it.

One of the things I noticed was that I really regretted waiting so long to do some of the things that I'm really interested in. I waited until I was semi-retired, then I waited until I moved, then I waited until..., well you get the picture. And I was angry that I had wasted so much energy doing things like cleaning house and running around doing errands. I tend to "take care of business" (meaning tasks, work, cleaning, errands, etc.) before allowing myself to do what I enjoy.

I feel like I've been given a second chance at correcting my mistakes and taking charge of my life. I want to have more fun and be kinder. I want to do many more physical things like hiking and kayaking. I want to look and feel better, being more physically fit. I intend on meditating more and regularly.

I am grateful for this second chance, so few of us get one. I am making good on my promises to myself to make substantive changes in how I view fun and it's place in my life.

Wish me well!

"The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full life and having no time.

It is on the contrary born of a vague fear that we are wasting our life.

When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else -- we are the busiest people in the world."

--Eric Hoffer

Enthusiasm

"If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm." --Bruce Barton

"en·thu·si·asm: a strong excitement of feeling, passion, zeal or fervor."

Are you enthusiastic? What about? Your enthusiasms are signs from the universe (or God) of areas for you to explore in your life. The feeling of enthusiasm is a natural response to something that interests, intrigues or excites you. I believe that enthusiasm, along with curiosity, are two ways for you to tell what path you are supposed to be taking in your life. Another way of saying this is enthusiasm and curiosity can lead you to your purpose in life.

You may also be one of those (like I used to be) who didn't much get excited about anything. I generally used logic and thinking as my primary way of moving through the world. Someone wise mentioned to me that I was missing a lot in the world by not owning and expressing my more positive feelings, such as enthusiasm. I listened and changed.

Expressing enthusiasm can feel like being a kid again. You feel energized, freer and lighter, or at least I do.

Make a list of all the things that you are enthusiastic about now. Try to do at least one of these each day or week.

If you don't feel enthusiastic about anything, it's time for a change. It could be a sign of depression that you could explore with your doctor or therapist. If you're just in a rut, then try something new this week. See if it engenders enthusiastic feelings. If not, try something else that you are curious about. Your life will change for the better.

Tintinnabulation

Tintinnabulation! (the ringing of bells)

Looking for a really fun and super effective way to declutter your house? Just read on...

My husband and I are considering becoming perpetual travelers or possibly renting furnised homes in places we'd like to live for a few years. But we have a house full of furniture, doodads, art and just plain old stuff. We've talked about going ahead and starting to winnow out unnecessary things, but it seems overwhelming. Consequently we've made no movement towards our dream of living even more simply and being able to travel light. Remember, we have already downsized from 2100 Sq Ft to 1200 Sq Ft, but we still have a lot of stuff.

So my brainchild, Tintinnabulation (T!), was born! It's a game my husband and I play every day. One of us, either of us, at any time during the day, but usually only once a day, shouts "Tintinnabulation!" At that point, we must both get up and find ten things each to throw away, give away or sell (Craig's List, Ebay, Half.com, etc.) We've been doing it for about three weeks now every day. It's so amazing. We've donated 11 bags of books to the local library. We've listed 50 books on Half.com and made about $35 (11 books) so far. I've sold several items on Craig's list (craigslist.com). The best part of all is that we're having fun!

My 4 year old grandson visited and we did the Tintinnabulation game during his visit. He joined in and found 10 toys and books to let go of. If I had children or roommates, I'd ask each to participate. The decluttering would go even faster.

My husband started with his books, of which we have many. I've been shocked at what he has been willing to let go of. Stuff we've been carting around for years. I started with books, but have moved on to kitchen drawers, bathroom shelves and the closet. I just pick one drawer or one shelf and find at least 10 items to throw away or give away or sell. We've gotten rid of so many books, that I think we'll be able to get rid of a bookcase or two as well.

My friend, Dorothy, visited the other day. First thing she said was, "wow, it feels different in here, what's going on?" Now the room she was in hadn't had any significant decluttering, but she noticed the change in the energy of the house. She said everything feels lighter.

So what are the rules? Not many. First, anyone participating gets to begin the game by shouting Tintinnabulation! Then everyone drops what they are doing and finds 10 things to throw away, give away or sell. If you're going to give it away or sell it, it must be done quickly, say within a few days. The idea here is to get stuff out, not to move one pile of junk to another pile of junk! Things that qualify include trash, say picking up the newspaper off the coffee table and putting it in the trash. And no decluttering that is done at other times, counts towards the 10 items. So, for example, if you are picking up your living room in the morning and throw away a dozen items, and then later in the day you play the T! game, those dozen items do not count toward your 10 items. Why? Because you lose momentum and it's not as much fun.

Playing the game with someone increases the energy, the fun and the accountability. If you don't live with someone, get a few friends or relatives to play by phone. After you've done the clean-up, call by phone and talk about what you threw away.

So, are you ready to play? Get set, ready, Tintannabulation!

Wishing you Freedom and Happiness

It's the fourth of July here in the US. A day to celebrate our freedom.

I'm going to celebrate today by being truly appreciative of all the freedoms I enjoy, something I don't give much thought to otherwise. Freedom in the US is much like water to fish, you just don't notice it until it's gone.

I deeply and truly appreciate....

Being free to move anywhere I want, whenever I want. I can move to California or New York, Mexico or Canada, to a Caribbean island or to Europe.

Being free to freely access information all over the world via satellite television, local stations, the Internet and telephones.

Being free to choose my own relationships, to love whomever I will, and to marry as I will or not.

Being free to walk out in public without hiding myself, my body, my femininity and without a male presence.

Being free to camp, hike and kayak by myself whenever I want

Being free to practice my own philosophy or religion in my own way without repercussions and with tolerance from my friends, family and neighbors, to say nothing of the government

Being free to have children or not have children as I wish

Being free to send my children to public or private schools or even to teach them at home

Being free to speak out publicly, to write editorials, to write blogs, to produce videos, to publish a newsletter saying whatever I wish whenever I wish without censorship

Being free to support my own causes with my energy, time, and money all over the world even when unpopular or in a minority

Being free to drive myself or to take public transportation wherever I want in relative safety

Being free to ride my bicycle at midnight if I wish without curfews

Being free to move about my city, state and country without restrictions whenever and wherever I wish...ah, sweet travel!

Being free to choose my own career, to be recognized in my field as a professional, to be paid what my services are worth, to change careers as I wish or to stay home if that is my desire

Being free to vote (or not vote) for my governing leaders and to vote as my head and heart dictate

Being free to change direction in my life whenever I feel the need

Being free to dress fashionably, unfashionably, to set new trends or to defy trends without repercussions

Being free to make as much money as my ability, my education and my desire will allow

Being free to make mistakes, fail and to learn

Being free to read books and magazines of my choice, no matter the content

Being free to affiliate with whomever I wish and to join clubs and organizations

Having choices in my life due to the incredible abundance in which I live

And finally, for today, knowing that freedom can be lost and is worth investing our time and energy for both here and around the world.

Highest joy and deepest peace to all of you!

All Talk, No Do

Do you know someone who has or have you observed in yourself, the tendency to say you will do things that you don't mean? You know, when you say, I'm going to start dieting tomorrow, or I'll fix that window this afternoon, or tonight, I'm going to meditate, no matter how tired I am. Or even, I think I'll go to Spain this summer. Some of us are naturally more action-oriented than others. We have traits that allow us to be productive and industrious. And, of course, some of us are extremely action-oriented...all do, no thought. But some of us are more restrained in our activity. We talk a lot about doing, but rarely actually go and do it.

As a coach, I see this behavior frequently. Sometimes the behavior is generalized as a personal trait and sometimes it is seen in just one area, like at work or with a spouse. The most common problem area with most of us is taking our ideas and dreams and actually taking action to make them happen. The problem is not with the dreaming or knowing what the desire is, but with the doing.

I know someone who regularly and frequently says he will do things, but he doesn't take the necessary action to accomplish it. It's pretty much a steady stream of "I will" or "I'm going to" with very little follow-up action. On the one hand, you might say, "so what!". But this trait or characteristic is much more harmful than it seems on the surface.

First, if you say you are going to do things and don't do them, well, they don't get done! This affects your living environment and livelihood. You may find yourself disorganized, late in paying bills, financially insecure, in trouble at work and your house in a shambles. If you don't maintain your car, it may not work for you when you need it. If you don't monitor and manage your health, it could deteriorate.

Second, making promises you aren't going to keep affects your relationships. You'll find you've disappointed your spouse, friends and family. There have been many songs written about how the parent totally ruins his kid by promising to do things with him and then bailing out repeatedly. People learn not to depend on or even trust those who say they are going to do something and then don't do it. This carries over into a general disregard for everything the person says, as in "I don't believe you". You also may be "using" your friends and family to make up for your lack of action. You may expect your spouse and children to take care of the home, car and bills, instead of being a full partner in the doing. This builds resentment in those affected.

Third, you learn that you can't trust yourself. You see yourself as ineffectual and/or weak. Every time you set your intention to do something and then don't take action to follow through, you've learned something about yourself. You've learned that you say one thing and do another, which is the very definition of someone you cannot trust. You may have learned that you do not have will power or discipline. Or maybe learn that your words do not mean anything even to you.

If you see a little of this in yourself, what can you do to change it? First, it is important to fully realize what a negative effect this trait has. It really does harm those around you as well as yourself. And it definitely harms you!

Start with watching your language. Instead of saying, "I will do" say "I am thinking about doing" or "Maybe I will do". This is a start in being truthful both with others and with yourself.

The next thing is to look at the self-talk around not doing things. What is it you are telling yourself that keeps you from taking needed action? Here are some common thoughts that prevent us from taking action:

• I don't feel well. I feel sick. My knee hurts. and variations around health. Note that this is sometimes a way of getting out of doing things you don't want to do, rather than truly debilitating illness.


• I'm so put upon. I have to do more than my share. I shouldn't have to do this (it's too hard, beneath me, it's her job, etc.)


• I go to work every day, therefore, I don't have to do anything else. I've made my contribution to the world/to my family.


• I don't want to. On the surface, this seems like a good reason and some of us need to own this one more. But some of us overuse this reasoning. We all have duties and obligations that include some things we don't really want to do. After all, who really wants to change a dirty diaper or empty the trash?


• He'll do it if I don't, so I won't do it. As in, if I don't take out the trash, he will so I'm excusing myself from the responsibility. Some of us have trouble with responsibility or with having obligations so we shirk them to feel more comfortable.


• I'll do it later or tomorrow or next week/month/year. Always putting off what needs to be done.

What are your own thoughts that keep you from taking action?

What do you personally gain by not taking action?

How do you benefit?

Can you see other sides of this situation, take the viewpoint of someone to whom you have made a promise and then backed out?

Can you see how you might be viewed as undependable or irresponsible, lazy or untrustworthy?

How does this make you feel?

Make a real commitment to yourself to begin making small changes. Watch your thoughts and words.

Forgiveness Journal

For the past couple of years, I've been focusing on forgiving and being forgiven. I think most of us think of ourselves as "good people". In our minds we say things like "I am honest", or "I don't lie", or "I always treat others well" or maybe "I would never steal". We look at others and think "I'd never be like that or act like that." We have numerous things our egos tell ourselves to make us feel special and better than others. But we all have hurt others, even if unintentional. We have caused harm to individuals, groups, our organizations (businesses, schools, churches, etc.), our families, our countries and even our world. It's almost impossible not to have done this if you are living your life and growing. After all, we were not always as wise as we are now (grin). The hurts do not have to be intentional nor do they have to be large. But each and every one, if not forgiven and made right, tend to hang on to you. They become part of your karma or your psyche and feel a little unclean (or a lot depending on the deed).

Forgiveness can be asked for and received without communicating directly with the person who was harmed. You cannot truly know if asking for forgiveness from the person directly will cause them to be upset all over again, thus causing more harm. It is really you who you are asking for forgiveness. Can you forgive yourself for doing harm? Can you even recognize that the harmful actions were yours and are your responsibility, regardless of the circumstance or your age or the provocation? This is sometimes a tall order! That's why the journal is so helpful, to work through these questions and to arrive at peace.

Forgiveness

I don't have to sit down and do anything special to think of who I have hurt or harmed, they just arise in my thoughts at various times. Some trigger will make me think of a person and then I remember our relationship and what has occurred between us. I think this is my way of processing (working through) my own responsibility for harming others.

Recently I decided to begin journaling about this because sometimes they arise in my thoughts when it's not convenient to give my full attention and bring my thoughts to completion. My journal is fairly unstructured and begins by just writing the person's name. I then write whatever comes to mind. Some times it is the good times, sometimes the bad and sometimes just the event that causes me to ask forgiveness. At the end, I ask for forgiveness, say "I forgive my self for this hurt" and end with "May they be free and happy" (with feeling!).

Sometimes I find I write about the same person more than once. This just means I'm not completely free of this one yet. I just keep writing.

I've found a few patterns that come up and thought I'd share these with you.

First, you don't really need to agree (intellectually) that what you did was wrong other than to recognize that hurting another was wrong. For example, maybe your friend told you she didn't care if you dated her ex-boyfriend. So you did and she was devastated, so devastated she stopped being friends with you. On the surface, you can say to yourself that "hey, this is her problem, she told you it was okay, you're off the hook." And that's true on one level. However, the bottom line is your actions caused her pain and suffering. You need to forgive yourself at that level.

Second, this same example also brings up the idea of personal responsibility. I'm a big believer in personal responsibility for all your actions. Unfortunately, because we are not yet enlightened, we cannot always see the results of our actions until too late. In the example above, if you had known how hurt she would be, you might have made another choice. While it is true she is responsible for her own actions and her own reactions to the event, you also have a responsibility in the action and reaction. You may have been ignorant of the possible results, but they still occurred.

Third, you might also find yourself coming up with lots of excuses on why it really wasn't your fault. For example, you were too young to know better, you were in pain yourself, you were upset, they actually started it, etc. All of this may help you to work through the event and the results, but truthfully, the forgiveness still needs to occur, regardless of the extenuating circumstances. If these excuses are true, it should make it easier for you to forgive yourself, but they do not negate the need for forgiveness.

And lastly, another example is when you did something that you feel was wrong, but the other person either didn't notice, handled it well, or blew it off easily. Remember, it's your feelings that count in this situation. It is you that must forgive yourself. So in this example, unlike the one above, it doesn't matter how the other person felt, it is what you believe that counts.

Forgiving Others

Forgiving others for the hurt they have caused you is equally important. You don't want to hang on to these negative, harmful feelings any longer than necessary. They will continue to affect your karma (and your psyche) until resolved.

I journal in the same way, by starting with the name of the person who I believe caused me hurt or harm. Whatever comes to me is written out. I end the note with "I deeply and completely forgive you" and "May you have lasting happiness and freedom."

Things that may catch you while doing this work.

First is the need to wallow in the hurt. If you find yourself being very angry or very hurt, it may be too soon for you to forgive. It's never too soon to begin working on the forgiveness, but it may take longer the stronger your feelings.

This exercise has to happen in its own time. You cannot rush it, nor can you force it. The idea here is not to rehash the event with he said and she said. It is to bring light to the event and to forgive. This may involve some thoughts and feelings you find uncomfortable. For example, you may have to admit that the person who harmed you was ignorant (didn't know better), or very young, or under the influence, etc. It doesn't change the harm caused, but just as you would allow yourself some leeway because of these circumstances, you must allow others.

It helps me to understand that no matter what, all people have a basic need at the bottom of who they are: that is the desire to be happy. Most of the things people do are in pursuit of this desire, but because we are not enlightened, or mature or fully realized, we act harmfully in ignorance.

Keep writing and feel the peace.

Magical Mantra

I have a magical mantra that instantly makes me feel (and act) better. It's "I have everything I need right now." Doesn't sound like much and you may be thinking, oh for goodness sake, how can she even say that? It's not true! But I am here to tell you that 99.9% of the time it is true and it's true for most of us. What do I mean?

If you think about each and every moment you live, you will find that most of the time, you do really have everything you need. You have shelter, food, water, clothing, a source of income, companionship, health, and so on. It is rare indeed that we actually lack anything. But that is not what most of us experience. And that is because we don't live in the present moment (or in the now).

Let's take the example of money. Let's say that you live paycheck to paycheck. You may not have saved much money and occasionally have trouble paying bills on time. In this example, at least once every month or so, you will not have enough money, so indeed you do not have everything you need. But that lasts only a few moments, when you write the check or have to call the landlord. The other 99.9% of the month you are fine. Even in this example, most people are able to make ends meet eventually. So most of the time we are fine and have everything we need, but we do not experience it that way. We instead worry about the anticipated lack of money each and every day, sometimes for much of the day. We lose sleep hashing it over in our minds. We talk about it with our friends and family, thus increasing the anxiety. We become anxious and even depressed. And this causes us to be unhappy much of the time. We are not living in the moment where we really do have everything we need. We are living in the future where we believe (rightly or wrongly) that we do not have enough.

This is true no matter what our issues are: health, love, careers, home, and so on. Most of the time, we do have everything we need in each and every moment. It is the rare moment when we do not have everything we perceive we need.

Can you imagine what it would be like to live as if you had everything you needed and wanted in each and every moment? Wouldn't that be the very definition of happiness and contentment? What if your life was such that you only worried 1% of the time or felt lack or unhappiness less than 5% of the time? Wouldn't that be a wonder?

How can we change to be more in the moment and to experience more happiness in our lives?

• Meditate daily. Even 10 minutes of sitting meditation will help. Meditation will help you to know your consciousness or awareness (or Mind) directly. It will also help you to develop some distance so that your actions will be thoughtful responses instead of reactions.
• Contemplate what actually happens in your life. What amount of lack do you really experience? How much do you already have? How does this lack affect your life and your happiness and how often does it occur? How much time do you spend worrying, being anxious over, thinking about, or talking about your problems? Is this realistically warranted? Does the worrying help? Or hurt? Try to gain an accurate picture of what your situation truthfully is or is not.
• When you start to worry or feel anxious about your situation or to feel the need to discuss it, find something that will help you return to the present moment, when and where you have everything you need. Maybe it is my magical mantra "I have everything I need right now" or maybe it is a visualization or an activity like walking or meditating. Remind yourself that you have everything you need right now and that worrying/talking/ruminating will not help.
• Take action to correct the problem if it is possible. Then forget about it.
  
  When I find myself worrying, I simply remind myself, "I have everything I need right now." It is a reminder to live now, not in the past and not in the future.

It's All In The View

I am now on my way back from a meditation retreat. I heard this story from one of the people at the retreat and thought I would share it. (Note though that I am not quoting this teacher but am paraphrasing what I understood him to say.)

Recently he, I'll call him John, and some other students as well as the Buddhist Lama were traveling around the southwest in a caravan of vans giving talks at various cities.

At one point, after travelling through the hot desert for several hours, people in the vans were getting cranky, were thirsty and hungry and needed to stretch their legs. John says they came upon a derelict gas station. It was in the middle of nowhere, looked like it was about to be condemned, and was not especially inviting. Inside, they asked for soft drinks and got lukewarm drinks that cost $4 a piece. The attendant was surly and unkempt. They paid more than $5 a gallon for gas. John said he felt appalled and upset that they were being taken advantage of.

Later that evening, the Lama was giving his talk at a local college. He started his talk with telling about the caravan trip they had just completed. He talked about how beautiful the desert was and how wonderful it was being able to travel this way. He then said that right in the middle of the desert, a palace appeared, rising up out of the vast desert. Inside the palace everything the group wanted was given to them, just for asking. Gas was available, drinks and restrooms, and a wonderful person who ran the place. Because she was there, they were able to finish their trip in comfort. And so on.

My friend, John, was shocked. He couldn't believe that the Lama had experienced the same event that he had. Later he asked the Lama about it, confronting him with his own terrible experience of the place. He asked the Lama how could he say those things about such an awful place? The Lama replied, "I was there." Basically, the Lama's experience was very different from what most of the others experienced, even though it was the same event.

This is what is called: "seeing everything on the highest plane." Can we change our perceptions to be more positive? Can we see the truth behind the facade, that everything is beautiful, just because it can happen? In the example above, the Lama was able to see how great it was that the place even existed at all, just when it was needed, that someone had the fortitude and foresight to live out in the middle of the desert just to serve others and to make a living at the same time. What a wonder!

What can we learn from this story? I know I often experience things negatively and make judgments, even without all the facts. I wish to live in the world as my teacher does, seeing things on the highest plane. I wish to be grateful that others provide food, and clothing, and clean rooms, services, products and everything else I need to live in the modern world. It takes practice to find the good and to see things positively.

Stop Complaining 101

Have you ever noticed how often we complain? We complain about our situation, our spouse, our children, our jobs, our city, our world, our politicians, our street, the weather, and so on.

I recently went to a spiritual retreat with my Buddhist teacher, Lama Ole Nydahl. He is a living example of everything I wish to be. I have never, not even once, seen him complain about anything. I have been with him many times, sometimes for a week at a time and have never witnessed him in any kind of negativity. That is what I wish to live like.

But what do I do? Do I practice being in a positive state all the time? Do I emulate my teacher so I can become more like him? No, I complain!

Driving home from this retreat, I really began to notice how often I have a negative thought or negative comment about something. Here are a few examples:

"Look at all this flat land (in north Texas and southern Colorado). Who would want to live here? I think it's ugly."

"Wow, it's too hot out here." "Wow, it's too cold out here." "Wow, it's too windy."

When sitting in my brand new, air conditioned, fully loaded hybrid Camry, I "wonder why they put this button here, it would be lots more efficient over there."

"I think this steak is overcooked." "I think my Sprite is watery." "I wish I had more salad dressing." "They didn't give me enough ice."

My ego seems to be a never ending stream of negative commentary on everything around me. And I am basically a very positive person!! Much of the above was not expressed out loud, but the thoughts were still there.

I know a man who is probably the most negative person I've ever met. In the many hours I've spent with him, my guess is that 95% of what he says is negative. I ask, who are your friends and what are they like? He spends thirty minutes telling me how bad they are, how they are negative and unfriendly, how they have betrayed him, how they really aren't that interesting, and so on. Then I ask about his job, and he responds at length about how he doesn't like the people, the work is too hard or boring, the office is too small, it's too long a commute, and so on. Even his hobby which he says he loves, is expressed with negativity. He doesn't have the right tools and supplies, the outcome of his projects are bad, unskilled, crummy, and no one respects his hobby. And he wonders why he is so unhappy!

So I've decided to stop complaining. I am starting with making sure that I do not express what I think when it is negative. And I am starting to catch myself when a negative thought comes up. For example, in my thoughts about the flat land above, I immediately thought "yes, the land is flat, but I'm so grateful that farmers want to live here so I can have food to eat." And I actually felt the gratitude immediately. So that is transforming negativity into something positive. I expect that this will take a lot of practice, but I think I am on my way to being like my teacher in at least one aspect. No more complaining.

What the Heck is Beginner's Mind?

Beginner's Mind..."refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner in that subject would." Deron Henson

"If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities; in the expert's mind there are few."
From Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind By Shunryu Suzuki

"Everything is fresh and new; it is fabulous just because it can happen." Lama Ole Nydahl, Diamond Way Buddhism

Before a recent trip to Colorado, I always thought I knew, at least intellectually, what beginner's mind meant. I could think about what it meant, but didn't really have a real life experience to go with it. Now I do!

Just before the trip, we bought an electronic GPS. We opened the box after we started on the trip thinking we'd play with it on the trip and learn how to use it. It was our first experience with a GPS.

What a miracle! We were astounded by this tool, that someone dreamed it up, that someone somehow put all that data, roads, turns, traffic and road construction congestion, detours, altitudes, time and lots of other tools all in one palm-sized gadget. As we played with it and it showed us where to go, took us around roadblocks and traffic, talked us through course corrections, we were delighted, felt wonder and vast appreciation just because it exists. We fell out of our typical intellectual struggle with new electronics. We didn't feel the usual ho-hum, oh well, just another gadget. We feel excited, tickled, really joyous with the GPS.

When the feeling didn't go away after a day or two, we noticed something exciting was happening. We felt somewhat like a child with a new toy on Christmas day. Filled with wonder and delight, all related to this tool. We finally decided that this was what beginner's mind must feel like.

We could have, of course, put this tool into the conceptual bucket with all electronics. We could have been bored with it, or been critical of its shortcomings, could have felt threatened by it and a myriad of other feelings. But we didn't. For whatever reason, we fell into a different mind space with this new toy, one of simple wonder that it could exist at all.

We are encouraged by teachers and experts to approach all situations with a beginner's mind, that is to stop putting everything into a preconceived conceptual box and to be open to the real experience in the moment. We, as humans with egos, rarely actually experience anything. We are too busy living in the past or projecting ourselves into the future. You can see this for yourself at parties or business functions. Often, someone will walk up and introduce themselves and ask "what do you do?" As soon as you say I'm a secretary, or doctor, or whatever, you've lost them. They are busy putting you into their previously set up boxes through which they filter everything: "Oh, a doctor, I hate doctors, I need to move on" or "Secretary? She doesn't look very much like a secretary." and so on. They aren't actually experiencing YOU. They are just putting you through their own filter (concept) and pegging you as they peg all others. We do this continuously with most activities, thoughts and feelings during each day. You have to be in the moment, or to "be here now" as Ram Dass would say, to actually experience beginner's mind. It is looking at something with fresh eyes, just as a small child would.

So, now I know what beginner's mind feels like. How about you?

Wanting What You Have

We are often told to feel and express gratitude as a way of being happier and a way of practicing the law of attraction. The law of attraction simply says that what you think and feel is what you get. So it follows that if you are feeling grateful for something you have or something you have experienced, then your thoughts and feelings are positive ones of appreciation, which then create more of the same in your life. For example, if you are very grateful for a loving, kind friend, it sets you up to receive more loving kindness. If you are grateful for the money you have, it sets you up energetically with the Universe to receive more and to have plenty of money. The thoughts and feelings of gratitude are the key to this, not the things you received themselves.

So how does this gratitude thing work? First, when you are feeling gratitude, then you NOT feeling anger, resentment, sadness, or angst of any kind. You are feeling and thinking positive thoughts and feelings. So when you are not feeling the negative emotions, you must be ... happy! Okay, gratitude may not equate to happiness for you, but it is positive. Second, gratitude is one of the highest (most positive) emotions vibrationally that you can have. You've gone straight to a home run, rather than lingering on first base. Third, it is the very opposite of wanting, grasping, feeling lack, needing, feeling greedy, etc. When you feel gratitude, you know in your deepest heart that you have what you want and need and you recognize it through your gratitude.

So how does one generate gratitude? For some of us it comes naturally. Maybe we've been trained that way or maybe it's our nature. But all of us can feel and express gratitude. If it doesn't come naturally, then practice it. I suggest writing out your "gratitudes" each day. At first they may not flow freely. But with practice, they come to mind more easily and you will find that some of the things you "think" you are grateful for, actually generate the emotion of "gratitude". For example, on my list might be "I'm grateful for a steady supply of electricity so that I can write this newsletter, that my husband makes smoothies each morning and serves them to me in a tall glass, that I have a top notch computer, that one of my grandchildren is able to visit me often, and so on." Now some of these do not elicit much emotion, they are just thoughts. For example, the gratitude for electricity was a thought, but didn't change my emotions; however, the longer I thought about it and what it would mean to do without electricity, to be in the dark, to not have all the tools we use daily (refrigerator, computer, phone, lights), the more grateful I become for it. The thoughts generated the emotion. The thought about my grandson generates an immediate emotion of gratitude. So from these examples, you can see that some gratitudes you may have to play with a bit to actually feel the gratitude. The important thing to remember is that we must FEEL the gratitude not just think it. It is the feeling of appreciation that is the key to feeling happier and to having more of what we really want.

Ten Ways to Add Gusto to Your Summer

Some of us need less stress and more calm in our lives and the summer is a great time to make inroads there. But some of us are in a rut and need a little more adventure to provide us with the zest and anticipation that makes life so much more interesting. These ideas are for you!

1. Go river rafting. Plan a trip to go white water rafting or kayaking. Trips can be guided or self-guided as your experience level requires. Expect thrills, a nature fix and to meet new people.

2. Take a language course. Sign up for a class at your local college or take them over the Internet with a friend. Instead of just learning the language, plan a trip to the country where your chosen language is spoken, even if you can't go this year. Planning the trip is half the fun. And make learning more about the country's geography, economics, and culture part of the experience. Expect to meet new people, a new skill and new attitudes.

3. Learn to barbeque or cook Thai or prepare gourmet. Take cooking lessons at your local upscale market, cookware store or even on the Internet. We all cook to some degree or another, but few of us take the time to master cooking. Expect new friends, new skills, increased pleasure in food and fun.

4. Go ice skating. Most big cities have ice rinks even in the summer. If you don't then try roller skating in a rink. Experience nostalgia and work your muscles at the same time. For an even better experience, introduce a child you know to skating. Expect sore muscles, a new skill and a sense of freedom.

5. Hike an entire trail over the summer. Most areas have hiking trails. You've heard of some of them such as the Appalachian Trail, the Pacific Crest Trail, and the Continental Divide Trail. But there are hundreds of shorter, less strenuous, but still challenging trails available even for the novice hiker. In Texas, for example, there is the Lone Star Hiking Trail, doable in a summer on weekends. The planning is part of the experience, learning about equipment, food, trail maps and finding hiking buddies. Expect new friends, better fitness, new skills and a nature fix.

6. Take dancing lessons, yes, you! Learning to dance can be a blast. Ballroom, salsa, tango, western swing, any kind will do. The music is great, you'll gain confidence and nothing is like dancing to free you up a bit. Expect new friends, dance skills, better fitness and fun.

7. Do art. Even if you are not an artist, or especially if you don't think of yourself as an artist, art can be a great way of shaking loose your inhibitions, pumping up your creativity and creating something fun/beautiful/quirky. There are a million ways to be creative including paints, papers, clay, metals, wire, yard, textiles and every variation therein. Take an art class, or just buy some supplies and go at it. The hardest part will be giving yourself permission to create and to not judge the results. The goal here is to enjoy the process and not worry too much about the product. Expect unleashed creativity, new skills and self-knowledge, and something to hang on the wall or put on a shelf!

8. Read something new. For those of us who are readers, we typically stick within two or three genres such as mystery, science fiction, Oprah's book club, non-fiction, westerns, etc. I double dare you to read something that is outside your chosen genres. It may take some time in the library or bookstore to find one that looks really interesting and is also outside of what you typically read. Give it as much time as you can to choose just the right book for you. You may discover a whole new genre to add. Expect to add a little sparkle to your reading, to be more thoughtful and to be challenged out of your reading rut. Expect new ideas, new challenges and new books.

9. Challenge yourself to meet one new person every week. Introduce yourself in the grocery store or the library. Start a conversation with the doctor's receptionist. Talk to your postal carrier, call someone you've met for coffee. Ask questions and practice your small talk. See if by the end of the summer you haven't added to each of your relationship circles (close friend, second tier friend, acquaintance). Expect new friends, better social skills, and some very interesting conversations.

10. Listen to new music on a regular basis. Just like with books, most of us have a few genres we listen to and pretty much ignore every thing else. Most of us know we like a few kinds of music and know we don't like a few others, but there are probably lots of kinds of music you've never experienced. World music includes lots of different types...African, Latin, Eastern European, Asian and lots more. What about hip-hop, folk music, Americana, symphonic, opera, acid rock, and more. Even within the genres you don't like, there may be artists or compositions you would love if you only listened. So this summer, really expand your listening to include all kinds of music. Set your car radio to different stations and do Internet searches (try "music genres") to listen to free music. Expect new music you love and lots of listening enjoyment.

And because there are lots of brilliant ways to have fun this summer and to add pizzazz to your life, here are a few more: take surfing lessons, learn to tap dance, learn tai-chi or yoga, take voice (singing) lessons, or piano or guitar lessons, go to drumming circles, learn to meditate, take a silent retreat, get a massage every week during the summer, jump out of a plane or take scuba lessons, learn to ride a horse, join a soccer or rugby team, just have a ball!

Want Less Stress?

One of the ways to reduce and even avoid stress is to have reserves. Having reserves means having space, mental, physical, emotional and spiritual space. It means having a little more than you usually need.

Here are a few scenarios where stress is dominant and there are little or no reserves.

Suzanne lives paycheck to paycheck. She rarely has enough money to buy extras and often cannot pay bills on time. She has only a few thousand dollars in savings and no retirement savings. She cannot buy a much needed replacement car, she cannot take vacations, she doesn't have the money to take night classes to improve her situation. She uses credit cards to buy things she wants and sometimes to pay bills, but this adds anxiety because she doesn't have the money to pay the credit card bills. She feels trapped, anxious, out of control.

James is lonely. He lives in a small apartment and works from there. He does have a couple of friends, but only sees them for lunch a couple of times a month. He is so busy with work that he doesn't have much time to make new friends or to start a love relationship. The more he is alone, the more he feels out of touch and as if he will always be alone. His self-esteem suffers which makes him even less likely to summon up the resources to meet someone new. His apartment is small and cluttered so he doesn't really want to have people over. He feels lonely, disgusted, angry and depressed.

Samantha is disorganized. She frequently loses things, and often cannot find information she needs for her business. She loses clients because of this. Her home and office are both messy, cluttered and chaotic. They mirror her own feelings. Each day she says to herself that she will start to get a handle on organizing and getting her space cleaned up, but feels overwhelmed at the thought of it. She feels confused, uneasy and overwhelmed.

In all these cases, there are little or no reserves to help, financial reserves, living space, time, energy and so on. To help ease stress, to add comfort and ease, reserves are a necessity. Reserves apply in all areas of your life, your finances, your home, your career, your relationships, your transportation, your spiritual life, and everywhere else.

Financial Reserves

The obvious financial reserves include having an emergency fund sufficient to cover 3 to 6 months of expenses in case of job loss, illness, burnout. But that is just the beginning. The first step to living stress free financially is to live below your means. No matter how little or how much you make, your expenses need to be less than what you make. At least 10% less, but 20% is better. This gives you a cushion and allows you to create an emergency fund, to save for a house, for vacations, for a new car, and to save for retirement. An additional reserve is that you have an organization for your bill paying activities. You know when bills are due, you pay them on time or early, envelopes, pens, addresses and contact information are all in one place to use when you pay bills. Another reserve is to have little or no debt. Best is to have no debt other than your home. One more is to pay close attention to being paid what you and your work are worth. Any two people in the same job or the same profession can make vastly different salaries. It is key for you to know what is fair and to be compensated fully. And the last area of reserve for your finances is to have knowledge about investing and to have a plan to reach financial independence and/or to retire to a comfortable living. If you are like Suzanne above, this may all seem a pipe dream. But all is achievable using small steps and starting now.

Health and Beauty

Nothing will cause more stress than being seriously ill. Illness can drag you down and make everything more difficult. Prevention is key. Health reserves include eating healthy foods in moderation, exercising, taking supplements, drinking water, and managing your stress through relaxation and meditation. But that is just the beginning. Of course, drugs, alcohol, caffeine and smoking add a great deal of stress, especially if in excess. Getting enough sleep is important as well. Regularly schedule doctor visits for screening tests will help catch any illnesses early. Knowing your blood test scores such as blood sugar, tryglicerides, choloesterol, and thyroid are essential. Dental health needs attention as well. Not only brushing and flossing daily, but regular cleanings and screenings at the dentist's office. Of course, you know all this, but have you ever related doing these things to reducing your stress? Can you connect how letting your teeth hygiene go by the wayside will cause you a great deal of stress when you have cavities and gum disease to deal with? To say nothing of cholesterol and heart disease, blood sugar and diabetes, etc. It all starts with the small things, what you put in your mouth each day and keeping up with your exercise regime. Start small, but start now.

Home

Having enough room to live in comfortably and to store your belongings will go a long way to providing you with needed reserves related to home. It can be very stressful to have too much stuff in too small a place. Either get rid of the stuff, organize it better or get more space. The result will be less stress. Do you have a space in your home to relax, to be free of noise and clutter? Is your home clean and uncluttered? Do all systems and mechanics work well? Is your home a comfortable temperature inside year round? All of these can add to or take away from your sense of comfort and well-being. Your home should be safe as well. Do you have smoke alarms throughout your home and adequate locks on all doors and windows? Even if you can't move to a bigger space, you can declutter and eliminate extra belongings. Start with one shelf or one drawer today.

Time and Energy

The biggest change you can make here is your attitude towards time. As a coach, the excuse I hear most often is, "I don't have enough time." There are two areas to consider here: first is how much time do you waste doing non-productive activities such as watching mindless television, playing computer games, being disorganized, talking on the phone, etc. And the second point is that we always manage to find time for what is important to us. Even when we are terribly busy, we end up spending the evening with friends if they call. Or we watch that television show (even when it is a rerun). I believe that everyone can manage to find the time to add a little exercise to their day or to prepare nutrition food. Everyone can find a few minutes a day to start organizing or cleaning. Look for the timewasters first and try to reduce or eliminate them. Second is to raise the priority of putting reserves in place to reduce your stress. This is an important life transformation that deserves your focused time and energy. You'll have more energy when you have more reserves and less stress.

My prescription is to focus on one area and to take small steps. Pretty soon one area will be under control and you can play with the next area.

Play, Practice, Persist

Many of us are making changes in our lives. We use the law of attraction. We may be changing our health habits, creating wealth, developing better relationships and generally trying to be happier. But do you experience the same thing that I do when trying to make change?

It seems to come and go in fits and starts. Some of us start new habits or changes, but quit too soon. Some of us fail to create any momentum because we are distracted too often. Some of us are not motivated enough, that is, there's no real energy behind our desire to change. Some of us just think about change, but fail to take action.

So here's an idea to help: Persist, Practice and Play.

I've found that when I change my language to say, "I am going to play with this (new habit, new idea, new change)" it is much easier to stay engaged. When I say "I'm working on this", it has a heavier feel to it and is harder to stay with it. If you are playing with something, it is much easier to feel happier about it, and using the law of attraction intentionally requires positive feelings. Playing at something feels more energetic, more lighthearted, and as if there are no huge judgements about your performance waiting on the other end.

I've also found that practicing helps. I no longer expect perfection from my efforts. I assume I will need to practice whatever I'm attempting, whether it is changing my health patterns, developing relationships, or being happier. Practicing means you actually spend time doing whatever it is you've decided to do. Practicing means time and energy are focused on the change. Practicing also has a lighter feel to it, just as play does. If you are practicing something, there is much less judgement around the whole event. So what if you are not perfect yet, after all, you are practicing! Want to be healthier? Practice eating healthy and exercising. Want to have a quieter mind, be clearer, and be happier? Practice meditating. Want more wealth? Practice being wealthy (do what a wealthy person would do).

And most of all, persist. Don't give up the first time you drop the ball. Don't give up if you're not doing it perfectly. Don't give up if you're not making fast progress. Persist, practice, play.

30 Day As-If

Often in the Law of Attraction teachings, we are advised to live as-if...as if we already are wealthy, or as if we are beautiful, or as if we are loved, etc. Great advice, and I always thought, easier said than done.

My husband and I have had big and fairly specific plans for our semi-retirement years. We would be healthier, exercise, meditate more, travel more. So here it is six months into that semi-retirement and none of those things were happening. Life kept getting in the way. Life-long habits persisted. We made many half-hearted attempts to do the things on our list but only travel really took hold.

I was frustrated and feeling defeated about the whole thing. then I remembered the as-if teaching. My husband and I discussed a plan to have 30 perfect days of living our plan. 30 perfect days of eating healthy, exercise and meditating as if we were already doing those things. This is different from just saying I have a goal of losing 20 pounds so I'll start dieting. That's a goal with a measurable accomplishment and an end. Notice that our plans didn't really describe goals, they described a lifestyle. We wanted to live healthier, live more spiritually, and experience the world through travel. So rather than wait until we could somehow set up goals, make plans and figure out how to do these things, we just lived as if they were already true for us.

Just as an example, here are some of the thoughts that kept us stuck: I'm not ready to lose weight, I'll start when I'm not so stressed, meditating two hours a day is too much, I'll have to work up to meditating that long, It's almost summer (in Houston) and too hot to start exercising, it will take me hours to figure out how to plan menus to eat healthy, I'm too tired, etc.

So when we decided to live as if we were healthy, fit, and spiritual, we simply decided what our days would look like. We'd eat healthy, we would buy healthy foods, we'd choose wisely, we'd exercise every day, we'd choose activity over sloth, we'd take our vitamins and supplements regularly, we'd take our prescription medicine religiously, we'd monitor our health, we'd floss every day, and meditate between 1 and 2 hours a day. And we would put all of this as our daily priority. For example, when friends called to ask us to meet them for dinner, we declined because they were going to eat Mexican and didn't want to change their plans. We thought this would be too much of a challenge for us given where we are right now. Another set of friends asked us out and we suggested a salad place.

I have to admit, I secretly thought we'd stick with it a day or two and then fall away or that we wouldn't even get started. But lo and behold, we're doing it. And it's easy. And it's fun. I'll keep you posted on how it's going.

But now, how does this apply to you? What is it you want? What is it you are putting off trying or "getting ready to get started" (my own personal favorite way to put things off). What dream do you have but don't really see any way to get there?

Many of you have already done one or more "dream boards". They often have pictures of wonderful friends and family gatherings, exciting activities such as travel or dancing or kayaking, loving relationships with a spouse or lover, happy times with children, satisfying careers, etc. Almost all of these are actually lifestyle choices. Can you choose to live that way starting today?

What would happen if you just started? What if you took the first step today towards that dream? Live as-if all the planning, all the getting ready, all the inner work, all the obstacles had already been taken care of. Just start, now.

You've Gotta See This

A fascinating film that ties into the Oprah/Eckart (A New Earth) course. 18 minutes long. See link below if film does not play for you or takes too long loading.

Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had an opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: One morning, she realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened -- as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding -- she studied and remembered every moment. This is a powerful story about how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another.

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229 (link to video if above doesn't play)

You Are Not Your Story

Eckhart Tolle, in his book, A New Earth, talks about your story and how identifying with it causes so much suffering. So what does this really mean?

Here are some real life examples of life stories:

I met someone at a party. In the half hour I talked with her, a plain woman in her sixties, I found out that she had lost her trust fund at the age of 19 and couldn't go to college. Apparently, her relatives took/lost it and she was left with nothing. The way she talked about it, with such anger and blame and wrath, it sounded as if it had happened last week, not over 40 years ago. She was very attached to her story that she "should" have kept her trust fund and that she was a victim. She cited that the reason she was not well-educated and successful (making low money) was because of this event. Remember, she is telling this story with a lot of emotion to a relative stranger, me.

A beautiful 50ish woman friend of mine tells me that the reason she is not an artist is because her parents would not support her so she could study art in Paris with masters. She still cries about and wrings her hands over this injustice. She blames her parents and is still angry about it. She feels her life has been a failure because her parents wouldn't pay her way and support her. She believes most of her problems relate to this event and to the resulting stifling of her creative self.

Another story from an acquaintance: "I'm not very good with money. You know, I came from a poor family and there just wasn't much to go around. I guess I'm afraid of money."

And one more to make the point, "I have chronic inflammation that makes me tired so I can't do much. I had to quit my job and lost all my friends. No one wants to be around someone who is in pain all the time. It's not fair that this happened to me."

Now you may be saying, but wait, these things are real and they really happened. Why shouldn't they be angry, lonely, sad, grieving, etc.? And you'd be right from one perspective. It is normal behavior for people to react to the events in their lives. But we are trying to live differently, to be more aware, to be conscious and to be happier. Good and bad things happen to all of us. Any one event or an accumulation of events can turn into a story.

Each of us has many experiences, but not all experiences turn into stories. For example, the same situation, say, losing your trust fund as a teenager and not having money for college, could have happened to you. But you may have been angry for a few weeks or months and then got a job or applied for a loan and went on to college and had a good life. It didn't turn into a story. It was just an experience, a part of life, maybe even a learning experience. It is the "being attached" to the story as a part of your identity that causes the problems and suffering.

From my own life, I was attached to the story of the straight A student. Growing up, my identity in the family was as the "smart" one. In fact, I was no smarter than my siblings, but my role in the family was to do well in school. When I was in college and going to night school, raising a disabled child and working a demanding full-time job, I was exhausted because I had to make straight A's. When I made a B or even a C, it caused me a great deal of stress and embarrassment because it was not affirming my identity (story) of the straight A student. My ego was very attached to this story line. At some point, I decided to let go of the story. Notice that I had to see that I had a story and observe it's effects on my life in order to take any action. I didn't even know what "presence" or the "now" was at this point in my life. I signed up for a class, did not withdraw, never went to class and got an F! (on purpose) And lo and behold, nothing bad happened. People didn't look at me differently; my permanent record did not make the newspapers; and it didn't affect my grade point average. That story is gone from my life. What a relief!

Of course, I could turn the letting go of that story into a story as well. As in, "Look how well I did, aren't I special, I am the master at problems and letting go" and so on. Anything can turn into a story because the ego creates them as part of it's constant defense of the ego boundaries and identity.

The distance or observing that Eckhart talks about is what allows you to see the story and to let it go. Sometimes the observing is all that is needed, sometimes you may want to take action. In all cases, being present allows the story to fade away. The story cannot hook you if you are present in the now, to use Eckhart's terminology.

A few practical tips to let go of your stories:

1. Watch your language. "I am" is usually a tip-off to your ego's need to identify with something. "I am" not good with money. "I am" such a loser at relationships. "I am" an adult child of alcholics and can't be around people who drink. "I've always" been good with numbers, been beautiful, been overweight, etc. Watch for the "I am"s in your life and observe without judgment.

2. Don't share your story. Every time you notice you want to tell the story, observe the ego's need to assert your identity. Keep quiet and don't tell the story, don't make the story more real by repeating it, and don't give it any more energy. This is not the same energetically as "it's a secret", but more in line with "that is just a story, not the real me."

3. When you notice yourself identifying with your story, being hooked and dragged along with the story, tell yourself

• "this is just a story"
• "this story is not now, it is in the past"
• "I accept that this story was mine, but I choose to live in the here and now"
• "I see how this story makes me feel (emotionally and in the body) and choose to be present now"
• "this is not personal" (especially useful when someone is doing something you don't like such as criticizing you, cutting you off in traffic, infringing on your perceived territory or liberty)
• "this is just X being X" as in John picks a fight with you, you can say silently to yourself, this is just John being John, and is not personal (to me)

4. Don't fight the story. As the borgs say, Resistance is futile! Resistance gives the story more energy. Suppressing your feelings give the emotions more energy and make them expand. The idea here is to be gentle and to let go, not to "destroy" the story. This means not telling yourself you "should" be feeling one way or another or that you "should" not be thinking about this. It means simply choosing to be present now. When you are present (or observing), the story and it's resulting emotions simply fade.

5. Discover what keeps you attached to the story. We all get something from our stories. The stories feed our egos in some way. Some times it is to get attention, either negative or positive. Some times it is to elicit pity. At times it is to create drama and feel chaos, which for some is comfortable. Sometimes noticing what you are feeling and what you hope will happen or what does happen can help you make sense of the story and make it easier to let it go. Sometimes the story is to make people turn away from you because that makes you feel exposed. Observing your feelings before, during and after a story being expressed in your life can be helpful.

6. Watch other people's stories as they talk or react. The next time you have lunch with a friend or go to a party, choose to bring your "witness" or "observer" into front and center. Instead of being caught up in other's stories, try to listen in presence and really know that this is a story, not who this person really is. What difference does that make in your experience of them? How can you apply that knowledge to your own experience?

The Deeper Question

A huge part of my practice is helping others to get the answers to the question: "What do I want?" Some of us know what we want, some of us think we know what we want and some of us have no clue. Depending on where you are spiritually, the answer to the question will come from your head, from thinking or "figuring it out" (that is, the ego) OR the answer will come from your spirit or better said, through your spirit. The only true answer will come from (or through) spirit. It is a deeper and more truthful and relevant answer than any you might come up with from your head or through figuring it out.

There are so many books available to help you "figure out" your life purpose. Believe me, I read them all! And nothing I did to "figure out" what my life purpose helped me find my life purpose. I had to look deeper for the answer. Look to the Universe, Consciousness, God or whatever your term for the source of all life for your answer. For me, meditation is the way I get in touch with my higher self or Consciousness. It is where my deeper questions are answered, by being still and listening.

I know that we all have purpose(s) on earth and our purpose will allow us to live who we really are and to excel, to express ourselves in a beautiful, abundant, conscious way. I believe that if we can be still, as Eckart Tolle calls it, if we can go beyond our daily existence as expressed by our egos, that the actions we need to take to express our purpose will come alive and will be known to
us.

Trust in the deeper answer as expressed through your spirit.

Motivation and Action

"Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something." -- Andrew Carnegie

This is a powerful, albeit obvious, statement about the human condition.

First, it says that our desires, our dreams, our wants are powerful motivators. They spur us to get up out of our chairs and move. As a child, motivation came easily and naturally. We were motivated to crawl, to walk, to communicate. Motivation is the difference between something being difficult to achieve and being easy to achieve. The more motivated you are, the easier it is to take action. Even dull or difficult jobs take on an excitement and become easier when we are powerfully motivated. In fact, it is more difficult to not take action when motivated. I have dieted many times. When I was powerfully motivated, the weight seemed to just fall away by itself. Eating healthfully was easy. Exercising was easy. But when I just decided (in my head) to lose weight, every choice was difficult, with lots of backsliding and little success. The only real difference was motivation. It was certainly not knowledge, will-power or planning.

Second, it says that action makes things happen. Action is our way of building a life, fulfilling our desires and even fulfilling our destiny. When we take action we are building momentum, speeding up the fulfillment of our dreams or our desires. Your dreams are not created by sitting in a chair (unless, of course, that is your dream!). Dreams are created, brought into life, by focusing your energy on that dream. By making it as real as possible and then taking action to achieve it. Without the action, a dream is just that, forever a dream.

Think back on your past achievements. What desires and dreams did you have that led to those accomplishments? What was your motivation? What actions did you take to accomplish these things? Which ones were difficult and which were easy? What special qualities (such as persistence, intelligence, courage, gratitude, etc.) were used in each accomplishment?

What insight do you gain from these questions and answers to help you with a current dream, or a current obstacle in the path of your dreams? Have you clarified your dream and focused your energy (both inner and outer) on it? Are you motivated? Are you taking appropriate actions to create your dream?

A Sin Against the Light

I just finished watching a British mini-series called "All Passion Spent". It is the story of an elderly woman in the British aristocracy whose husband died. She'd spent her entire life doing what was expected of her. She married well as her parents expected. Her husband was the prime minister of India and she fulfilled her duties as his wife with grace. She had children and raised them, created a home, and endured with love and without bitterness. By outward appearances she had a wonderful life. So what was the problem? She was "meant" to be an artist. She loved beauty and art, but had entirely given up this part of herself as it did not fit in with her expected life.

So now she is 85 and finally asserts her desires on her life. She moves to a small cottage (from the big mansion) away from her children. She has a beautiful garden and makes the home cozy and filled with light as she has always desired, but could never have. She surrounds herself with interesting people (some from the "trades") and meets up with an old gentleman acquaintance from India. Even though she doesn't remember him from 60 years before, he understands her now as he understood her back then. In their conversations about her life and her missing art, he says that her not pursuing her art was a "sin against the light." I really love that phrase although I'm not much into the whole sin thing. It has a double meaning, since light is so important in art. The light being sinned against can be the light we see or the inner light (soul, spirit or the source of all being).

It really describes what I think so many of us do with our lives. We "sin against the light" by not being all we can be. By not doing what we were truly meant to do. That thing we were meant to be and do can be anything. It doesn't have to be something as romantic as being an artist. It can be teaching, or being a mother raising good children, or being a whiz at gardening. The trouble is we often take our role in life and because we're doing a good and important job (such as raising children) and rationalize that this must be what we were supposed to do. All the while ignoring the tightening up of our hearts, the depression, the dis-ease that will come about when we ignore our most inner longings.

So what messages from your heart or soul are you ignoring? Can you explore them? Can you give yourself permission to take a few baby steps toward the light? Toward expressing your being in your own unique way?

Feeling Bored (Yawn!)

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What are you registering for?

Flow Mojo

One of my desires is to stay in the flow as much as possible. To have ease in my life and have things just flow, without major obstacles, and stops. Everything can be thought of as a flow of energy. Money is a flow of energy. Love is a flow of energy. Creativity and creative endeavors are flows of energy. These flows can be encouraged or discouraged by our emotions, thoughts and actions. Let's look for just a moment on how to encourage the flow, to strengthen or amp up the flow so that abundance can be ours right now.

Money: If money is tight, you're feeling the lack of money and resources to fulfill your dreams, then your reality of money is following your feelings and thoughts. Your thoughts and emotions of lack and "not enough" are causing the very thing you fear the most. Your worries are playing themselves out by bringing you more to worry about. So, take a breather. Sit down and write the things you have right now and can feel appreciation for, especially around money. Examples might be, my rent is paid up, I have a savings account with a positive balance, I have a job that brings in money every week, I paid off a loan last year, whatever comes to mind. Remember, it's best if you can "feel" gratitude rather than just stay in your head "thinking" the appreciation. Now the next step is to take action. Prime the money flow pump by being generous. Donate extra books to the library or clothes to the local women's shelter. Give money to a charity. If you can swing it, tithe money to a group that involves your heart (spiritual works for me). While you are doing these things over the next few weeks or months, each time you feel tight or worried, give a little. Give without expectation of getting something back. Give because you already have abundance and can give.

Love: Love is a flow of energy, positive and life-giving. When we don't feel loved or don't feel like we are being appreciated, we tighten up and close off this energy. It becomes blocked. By love I mean any positive feelings about another person. It can be friendship, inspirational, romantic, or familial. Again, sit and write about what you do have already. It might include: I have a husband who takes care of my car every month, I have two best friends who have given me support, my sister loves me, and so on. Include the kind of detail you need to make you "feel" the gratitude. Then give love. The easiest way to get the flow going, to prime the pump, is to give it. Do something special for a friend or a neighbor. Be kind to a stranger or to someone who is down and out. Say heartfelt thank yous to your doctor, florist, postman and grocery store clerk. Every interaction can be completed with love (positive feelings). Again do these actions without expectation of return because you have an abundance of love and can give it away freely.

Prime the pump by giving.

Your Obit

It's a horrible thought, that we might die before our time. No one likes to think of it. Having just lost my sister-in-law, it has made me think about my own life and death.

What if I had to write my own obituary today? What would it say? Would it be everything I wished for my life to say? Does my life really express who I think I am?

Use this as an exercise in assessing your life at this point. Write your own obituary. Include your accomplishments and the important areas of your life.

Now write the obituary you wish you could write. Include everything you would like to be said at your passing. Are the two similar, very different? Any insight into what areas you'd like to change in your life? Is there anything you wish could be said about you?

Here are some paraphrased quotes from others who have done this exercise:

"I lived a great life. I was often the life of the party and brought joy to many."

"I lived my life with courage and honesty. Others looked up to me."

"I made a difference in the world. My life was played out on a huge stage with many players. My actions made real, lasting changes all over the world."

"My family loved me and I loved them. My family relationships were open and honest. My grandchildren will remember me with love."

"I was president of my own company. This company employed thousands and served the community with excellence."

"I became a millionaire before age 40. I used my money to further the cause of cleaning up the global environment. I made a difference."

"I made myself and others laugh, often."

"When you look in the dictionary under the word 'kind', you'll see my picture. That's my legacy."

May you live a very long, healthy and very fruitful life.

Talking Yourself Out of Life

One of the illuminating exercise we do in my workshops includes a list of questions designed to ferret out your inner desires or dreams. We spend about 30 to 45 minutes answering the questions individually and then share the answers. It is amazing to me how often the answers are easily achievable or could be done right now in a few minutes. Sometimes everything on their list is easily do-able, inexpensive and could be accomplished in a reasonable amount for time. And yet the desires remain unfulfilled.

Let me give you an example. One woman's answer to one of the questions was that she wanted red shoes. She said she's wanted them for years. Really didn't even matter to her whether they were high heels or tennis shoes, expensive or cheap, they just had to be red. When asked why she didn't just go buy some? Because they are "impractical" and she already had enough shoes. She practiced living simply and this didn't fit in with her rules about owning stuff. All of which is fine except that she really wanted those shoes!

Pfffffttt!

When I suggested she go after class and buy the red shoes, she look amazed and said, "I guess I could do that." She talked herself out of something she wanted based on a life rule she made up (or was passed on to her). At the very least, she would have learned something about herself if she'd bought the shoes. Instead, she denied herself a little joy, a little self-knowledge and ignored a longing of hers. Therein lies the road to unhappiness.

I've noticed that all of us make decisions not to try something, not to go for what we want, not to have something we want or be different, often, before we even try. Sometimes it is because of the box we're stuck in. Another way of saying that is because we live within our own rules, ones we made up or inherited and can't seem to break away from them. At times it is because of "conventional" wisdom. Or we are listening to others instead of following our hearts. Sometimes we don't want to rock the boat.

I heard one of my clients say the other day that she didn't want to be disappointed so she didn't try for things. After all, why set yourself up to be disappointed? The answer is because if you don't try you will miss the great things, you miss delivering on your dreams, you miss all the self-knowledge that comes with trying and winning, and yes, trying and not succeeding. You can't win if you don't play!

So what are you stopping yourself from doing without even trying? What is missing from your life that you could easily do, be or have? What is the self-talk you are listening to that stops you before you make an honest effort to satisfy your desires and live your dreams? Write them down and label them appropriately. Are they excuses? Are they your thoughts or someone else's? Can you give yourself permission to get what you want even though there are "good" reasons not to go for it?

Going after what you desire is what makes life juicy. It's what brings on the joy and expands your life force. So open up the box and step outside of it. It's where all the adventure is.

A Blank Slate

What if you had a blank slate for your life, right now in this moment? At one time, at birth, we did have a blank slate. Unfortunately, we were not the only ones writing on the slate. Our parents, churches, schools, friends and cultural communities all helped us to fill up the slate. The result? What we are living right now! Our life slate is filled with the good and the bad, the daily activities, the viewpoints and feelings and the people, places and things that we experience in each moment of our lives.

Can you imagine your life as a blank slate? Without all the problems, perceived limitations, and pressures? Without current obligations, duties and stress?

Sit down in a comfortable place where you won't be disturbed for at least half an hour. A couple of hours is even better. Imagine the blank slate. If your own life keeps intruding, mentally erase the images until you have a blank slate. Don't spend a lot of time here, because the result is in imagining the new, not spending time and energy on the old. Give yourself permission at the outset to be relaxed and playful with this contemplation. Allow yourself to really stretch your imagination.

Fill the slate with what you'd like your life to be like. Include the satisfying people, places and things you have now, and add the elements you desire. Or start completely new. The slate can be large and include your entire life or lifestyle or can be small and focus on a single element in your life. For example, you may focus on your career or job, or your relationships, or your financial situation.

Include people, places and things, but also include feelings, perceptions, world-views, and ambience or environment. For example, imagine yourself being even more patient or generous or kind. You might imagine you are more sophisticated or courageous or powerful that you perceive yourself now. You may include only people who respect and love you. Include smells, and visual and auditory and sensual aspects as well. After all, it is you imagining it and it can be anything you desire.

When judging thoughts intrude, such as "you can't have that" or "you don't really want to be rid of him, after all how would you live?" or "you're way too old to do that", just put them in a bubble and allow them to gently float away. If that doesn't work, remind yourself that you are simply playing with images in your mind and you are allowed to do anything you wish in that space. Simply ignore any other thoughts.

You'll know you are on the right track in your imaginings when you feel happy and excited. Keep playing with the images and sounds until you have what you desire.

When you are ready to complete the meditation, simply say to yourself, "I now have all of this and more."

I like to do this exercise every day for a few minutes. I just close my eyes and playfully allow vignettes to entertain me for a few minutes. One day my focus may be me hiking in a beautiful mountain setting. Another day it might be me looking at my bank balance and being overjoyed. Another day, I might focus on being with girlfriends in a spa, having a lot of fun and enjoying the friendship. The picture variety is endless, limited only by your own imagination.

The more you do this exercise, the more energy and focus you are giving your dreams. It is a fun way to practice bringing more of what you desire into your life. I'm betting that you will be amazed at what comes your way simply on the basis of this exercise, practiced daily.

After all, your life really is a blank slate. Everything you are experiencing today was caused by what you desired, and what you did in the past. Everything you are thinking and feeling today, every action you take is setting up your future. So spend more time thinking and feeling what you really want and see what happens.

Resolve to Be You in 2008

It is a funny thing that most of us aren't really "us"! We are not the person we were meant to be or could have been without the influences of parents, school, church, spouses and society. As we grow up, most of us are molded into something less than our best. And by that I mean less than the best "You". We are pushed or encouraged to go to college and become a certain profession. We may be pushed to marry or marry for money or warned against marriage. We may be encouraged by our spouses to work or to stay at home, to remain dumb about money or to contribute. We may be told to be less tomboyish or to be more ladylike. There are a million different ways we are asked to fit in, to not make waves, or to be "normal".

One of our main jobs as adults is to figure out who we really are and who we are meant to be. I have a theory that the more authentic you are, that is, the more "the real you" you are, the happier you will be. In fact, I think not being yourself is the primary way most of us are unhappy. We are actually fighting ourselves in each and every moment. When we act as our true selves, we shine, we glow, we send off sparks. We have energy, we feel more at ease, we light up the world. When we are acting as someone else, we diminish our energy and feel uneasy in ourselves. We have many more difficulties such as poor health, poor relationships, confusion and indecision than we would if we were authentic.

Ask yourself these questions to start figuring out who you are meant to be.

1. What makes me light up or feel jazzed?
2. What things am I curious about that I'm avoiding?
3. Look back at the past five years. Can you identify a dozen things that you have said yes to? Things such as taking a certain career path? Marrying, divorcing or vowing bachelorhood? Particular fears you've allowed to take hold? In each case if you said yes to that action or path, what were you saying no to? These areas of "no" can be enlightening.
4. If you were writing your autobiography at this point in your life, what do you wish you could say?

Look at the answers to these questions and see if any areas that give you a glimpse into actions that are calling you. In 2008, try one or two of these to see if you can become more of the real you.

Can We Really Be Happy?

I believe that almost all of what we choose to do, have or be is done in the name of happiness. That is, if I do this or buy this or act this way, it will make me happier. The pursuit of happiness is a driving force in almost all of us. But how much of what we do is effective? Hardly any.

We most often look to our external situation to explain our unhappiness. I don't have enough money, therefore I'm unhappy. I don't have good health, therefore I'm unhappy. My spouse doesn't love me enough, therefore I'm unhappy. But what happens when we get these things? Studies show that when people win the lottery, after a few weeks or months, they return to their previous level of happiness or unhappiness. In other words, the money had a short-term effect on their happiness. You see this in relationships also. We find someone new, we fall in love, we're happy, it wears off, we're miserable. We find another, we fall in love, we're happy, it wears off, we're miserable or maybe just discontented. You get a new red sweater you've been wanting for ages, and the happiness last about five minutes.

Studies have also been done on how external situations affect happiness levels. They found that they didn't to any significant degree, and when they did have an effect, it didn't last. After all, there are people living with cancer or HIV that are extremely happy. There are those with nary a hangnail that complain all the time. There are wealthy miserable people and happy poor people. Studies have shown that genetics have at least a role to play in happiness. So does that mean we're stuck with whatever the genepool gave us? I don't think so.

We can change our overall level of happiness and have more sustained happiness by a three-pronged approach.

First is to meditate. Meditation changes your brain. It "trains" the mind to be quieter. It gives you a different perspective on life, more equanimity and calm, and more importantly (at least to me) is that it gives one distance from the dramas in life. It allows you to disengage from the things that normally would hook you and set you off. Let's say your husband does the same thing every week, like not taking out the garbage on garbage day. Every week you get mad, yell at him, take the trash out yourself and fume all day. When you are a regular meditator, the same event, your husband not taking out the trash may occur, but your reaction is totally different. You remain calm, objective and less emotional. You don't get "hooked" by this event.
I can't emphasize how important meditation is to my own happiness. It is not an immediate fix, but something that happens over time. You may meditate for a month or six months and then you'll one day notice how much calmer and happier you are.

Second is to avoid the things that make you unhappy or that do harm. You would think that this is obvious, but we don't seem to live our lives this way. How often do we choose to eat that bowl of fudge even though we know we're unhappy about our weight, we'll suffer from an upset digestive system, and we'll be miserable knowing that once again we "failed" at controlling our eating. How often do we indulge in buying things when we are deeply in debt, have debt collectors calling, cry at night about money, and yet we do it anyway? How often do we argue with our friends, our spouses or our children, knowing it makes them and ourselves unhappy? We know it is not constructive, but we do it anyway. So the decision has to be will this action make me happier or unhappier in the long run? Will this decision cause me harm or to suffer? Will it cause others harm or to suffer? Make the right choices and your life will be happier.

Third is to embrace (choose) the things that do make you happy. Do more of what makes you and others happy. Many of us deny ourselves the things that most excite us, that light us up. Maybe it is being outdoors or creating art, learning new things or spending time with children. Whatever it is, do more of it. Make more of your choices based on "will this add to my happiness or detract from it?" You'll probably notice that we hardly ever ask ourselves this question even though we yearn for happiness. It's a great question and can actually lead you to more happiness.

Choose happiness today.

Wishing You Enough in the New Year

I was sent this quote this morning from a simplicity group I belong to. I'm hoping it will speak to you so I'm passing it on.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

Here's to wishing you peace, love and enough in 1008!

Another blessing

For those of you who asked, the female barn kitty (Miss Kitty) returned yesterday. She is skittish but completely healthy. No sign of the male tomcat, but there's still hope.

Looking for Miracles in the California Wildfire

It has been awhile since I posted as my family has been rocked with tragedy. My sister-in-law of 25+ years passed away October 4th in California. I spent a few weeks out there when she was ill and then again when she died. I just returned home a week ago.

Then the wildfires started.

My brother evacuated his beautiful mountain-side home. He has been sitting in an RV in a parking lot in a mall along with a hundred other refugees. He got out with precious little, mostly papers and photos, a couple of mementos of his wife. He was able to take his airedale dog and his indoors cat, but the barn cats couldn't be captured. He had no food, but fortunately he keeps water in his RV. Stores were closed as the Governor had asked people not to go to work. The air was very hard to breathe and smoke was everywhere and persistent. He was finally able to get gas for the generator so he could condition the air inside the camper. And after a day or so, he was able to find a store to get some food.

Fortunately he had his cell phone so we've been able to keep in touch. A friend offered him a place to shower and home-cooked food. He told me his skin was stinging and black from the ash and soot. He said he was so grateful for the shower and food.

As he waited to find out if his home survived and his neighbors were okay, he stayed positive. He was very optimistic that his house and barn/workshop/art studio would make it. He even imagined his whole hillside would be untouched.

Two days ago, he finally was able to get up to his house in the mountains between Escondido and Ramona, California. Trees were strewn across the roads, power lines were down and much of the area was burned. He still hoped for a miracle. He lives along a long shared driveway where five other houses are situated. The first neighbor's house he came to, a large horse farm, survived, although they lost their garage. The next three neighbors all burned out. Then he came to his house. The house was incinerated, completely burned away. The barn cats were no where to be seen. But his barn, workshop and art studio all survived. As he said later, "I hoped for a miracle, but I received a blessing." In the barn were his tools, motorcycle, and ATV. His art studio had not a scratch. His tractor made it although one wheel was burned off. He lost his cars and horse trailer and various other outside equipment. Everything is black and covered with ash, but that can be cleaned up. He didn't lose everything and that was a blessing.

I find his attitude remarkable. That he could see the blessing in his barn surviving a horrendous fire, after losing his beloved wife to illness and their home and all their belongings to this fire.

And my own gratitude? I'm grateful that I was able to visit with my sister-in-law before she passed away, and I'm grateful that my brother made a quick decision and was able to evacuate safely. I'm also grateful for the blessing of his barn's survival because that has given him hope and a sense of home.

One last thing, my brother has put out water and food for the barn cats, hoping they made it out safely and will return home. He's again hoping for a miracle.

Best Laid Plans

Without meaning to, I seemed to have skipped posting to my blogs and sending out my newsletter for two whole months! You may have been wondering what has happened to me. Ah, life happened.

The past two months have been the happy and exciting culmination of our (my husband and I) ten year plan to downsize, semi-retire and travel more. Yes, we had a ten year plan and actually have managed to achieve it. My husband retired from his corporate job. We'll both be working part-time but on our schedules. We sold our home and moved to a much smaller house, about half the size of the former one. This has resulted in lots of culling of possessions, mostly easy but with a few hard decisions. We are still in the throes of unpacking and settling in.

We are planning much more travel and just generally a slower lifestyle. We're going to San Diego this month and then to North Carolina and Georgia in October. Our dreams continue to come true.

LOA - Intensity and Duration

For those of you who are practicing consciously creating your life using the law of attraction, intensity and duration of your thoughts and feelings are keys to being successful. What does this mean to you?

As you are aware, thoughts create feelings, and feelings create the world around us. If we want to have a better life, we need to have better thoughts. Often in my workshops, we practice focusing on our desires and goals for 15 minutes a day, but that is only a start. The idea is to have more positive thoughts and feelings directed towards your true desires. But 15 minutes a day is only to up your awareness and to start the practice. The practice must become a way of life, part of your daily living. Duration just means focusing on the desires for more time each day, putting in as much time as you can dreaming of, talking about, and imagining the desire as if it were already occuring.

Think "immersion". Immerse yourself in the habit of being more positive, in catching yourself sooner when experiencing negativity, in expressing more positivity through your words and actions, in expecting positive events in your life, rather than expecting the negative. This does take practice, but every minute you spend in positive thoughts and feelings is a step in the right direction. At first, you may only be able to manage a few minutes at a time. But with practice and diligence, this will expand. Before you know it, within weeks or months, you will have more positive than negative thoughts and feelings and this is the pivot point. At this point, things that you want in your life, especially those that are in alignment with your purpose and true self, will significantly accelerate into your life.

The more intensity you can add to your feelings about your desires, the easier they will manifest. Intensity just means having stronger feelings. So instead of pleasure, think overjoyed. Instead of pleased, think excited. Instead of excited, think ecstatic or passionate. There are many ways to "amp up" your feelings to get the intensity necessary. Let's use the example of wanting an overseas trip. Typically, you might just sigh and say "I really wish I could go to X". And leave it at that. You might put it on your life list or your to do list. That is the opposite of amping up your feelings. To get more intensity into your feelings about this desire, you will want to focus on it daily for at least a short period of time. Read books about the place, talk to people who have been, attend a lecture and slide show of someone who has been, search the Internet, go to a travel agent and pick up brochures, create a dream board for the anticipated trip. Write letters to the Universe about what a great trip you "had". Every time you do these actions, you will feel more and more excited and happy.

If you are practicing the law of attraction and things are not happening as you expected, lack of intensity and/or duration may be the problem.

Relish Discomfort

And, no I'm not talking about pickles!

Discomfort is a sure sign that we are stretching ourselves. That uneasiness, that queasiness, is proof that we are stepping outside our boxes, that we are trying on something new and discovering new facets of ourselves. This is the stuff life is made of!

It's funny how humans are conditioned to desire comfort and sameness. We get to a place and we stop. We think, this isn't so bad, I think I'll stay here. Of course, the world is constantly changing and so are our lives. Most of our unhappiness centers around trying to keep things the same. We become very attached to our lives, just the way it is, thank you very much.

Sameness leads to dullness. Sameness is the opposite of growth, of insight. Sameness is not something to cling to. Sameness is not something to be desired, although we all do it.

As we take on new tasks, new jobs, new areas of growth, we often feel discomfort. We may question what we are doing, why we are doing it. We may feel fear or anxiety. But that is the necessary step that comes with true growth, with real expansion of self. Each stretch we go through expands our lives and the richness of our experience.

Excitement is often masked as discomfort, maybe an uneasy stomach or tension in the chest. Breathe into it and let it be.

Is there some area of growth or expansion you are avoiding? Is there something that keeps coming up for you to try, but you find a million reasons why you can't or won't? Life is change, whether you desire it or not. So stretch yourself. Give in to your higher desire to be more and to express your talents in this world in new ways.

Find Your Grail

I was lucky enough to see the hit Monty Python musical, "Spamalot", this weekend. It was incredibly funny and entertaining. We had such a great time. If you get the chance to see it, go!

One of the songs in the play was "Find Your Grail", meaning find who you were meant to be, or find what you are meant to be doing in this life. The song expressed the true joy of being you and only you. So many of us plod down a path that was laid out for us by our parents or our upbringing and circumstances at birth. We fall into our careers based on whim or chance or what will gain us the most money. We choose as a 19 year old, either after high school or in college, what we will do for the rest of our lives. Our career choices often become our identity. Our egos cling to this, creating a huge story about our life as a ____ (doctor, teacher, mechanic, VP, mother, etc.) We puff up with pride or cringe in embarrassment about what we do. We take it on as if it were who we are. We eventually believe that our professions are who we are and that without this profession, we'd be no one. We weren't born being this vocation, it is a choice and can be unchosen. After all, when introductions are made, the next question is often, what do you do? And we answer with our career choice, I'm a doctor! A much more interesting question is "who are you when you're not at work?"

Find Your Grail. I like the picture of going on a holy quest for the grail, the answer to life's questions about who you are meant to be. Everyone goes on this quest at some point in their lives. Some do it early, some late. Some do it thoughtfully and well, some don't. The quest is to discover who you are, what your unique gifts are and how they can be expressed in the world.

What can you do today to begin this quest?

• Take stock of where you are.


• What are you doing with your time and energy?


• How do you feel about your career or lack of one?


• How do you feel about your life, in general?


• What talents and gifts do you have that you can share with the world?


• In what ways and how often do these get expressed?


• What are your favorite things to do, things that make you feel more alive?


• Make a life list of things you want to do before you die. Then start doing them. You'll find out a lot about you are and what you are interested in by this exercise.

In case you're interested, the song lyrics can be found at http://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/spamalot/findyourgrail.htm

Life Balance vs Obligations

Life sometimes gets out of balance because of what we think of as "obligations". Women, especially, who often serve as caretakers for their family and friends, feel obligated to this care. What is an obligation? According to the dictionary, an obligation is: “something one is bound to do, a duty or a responsibility.” That sounds simple, right?

So what are some obligations? What things in your life do you think of as your responsibility or your duty?

Driving on the right side of the street is one
If you are a parent, you are obligated to care for your child
If you have a job, you are obligated to show up and produce.

What many of us do is put a great deal more things in the obligation category than is necessary. We use language like “I have to do this” or “I must” or “I should” or “this is what “good mothers” do” or “all the other managers are doing this”. Here are a few examples of things we often see as obligations or duties or responsibilities that truly are not.

Befriend folks in our lives who are down and out or lonely
Take care of everyone else’s needs and wants
To pretend that you like something when you don’t
To be nice 100% of the time
To live someone else’s dreams (parents, children, spouse, media, church, etc.)
To give up your own dreams for your spouse or children or family
To take that night course
To stay in that relationship
To live in a city you don’t like
To have a clean house
To live in a big house or any house
To mediate among family and friends when conflict arises
To continue a relationship with an addict
To make others happy at your expense
To volunteer at school or anywhere else when your heart is not in it
To host parties or arrange get-togethers

Now, you may choose these things. You may want to do these things. But it is not your moral duty to do any of them. You have a choice. Doing things you do not like to do that are not true obligations wastes your time and energy and contributes to your own unhappiness. I would go even further than this, you have a moral duty to take care of yourself, to be your true self and to find ways to express that in the world. And often our choice of obligations goes directly against this idea.

One way to determine whether you need to do something or not is to ask yourself “what are the likely consequences of not doing it?” For example, you may have a schedule that says your refrigerator must be cleaned out every month. So here you are staying up til midnight to get it cleaned out. What are the consequences if you don’t? Your homeowner’s association may be sending you nasty-grams about your yard. What happens if you ignore them? All the other children in the neighborhood have elaborate, time-consuming, expensive birthday parties starting at age 1. Your child wants the same thing. What are the consequences of saying no? Well, you get the idea.

So the challenge here is to look at your own list of obligations.

Obligation Worksheet

An obligation is something that is a responsibility or a moral duty. We have obligations for some things such as driving on the correct side of the road or caring for our children. But we often extend that definition to all sorts of things that are not truly obligations. This eats up our available time and energy.

List all the obligations you currently believe you have. One way to start is to look at where you spend your time and energy. What are the major parts of your life? After you’ve made a comprehensive list, ask yourself the following questions for each entry: “What are the consequences if I don’t do this?” and “Who would/could do this if I didn’t?” and “Do I enjoy doing it/Does it make me happy to do it?” After completing this exercise, are there tasks that you thought were obligations but really aren’t? If you do not enjoy them or are having time or energy stress, can you drop them? Identify those and eliminate from your schedule. Be ruthless with this. It is your life, energy and emotional health you are protecting and nurturing. You can always add it back if you find that you are sorry you cut it out.

The idea here is to ask the question “is this a true obligation?” when faced with taking on new tasks and deciding what to do on any given day. If you have difficulty with eliminating items, notice your inner talk. How do you convince yourself that this item is different or that it really needs to be done by you? Free up time and energy by recognizing that whom you serve and what you do are totally your choice.

The Flood and the Flow

In one of my recent workshops, we were discussing how to know when you are working with the law of attraction and how to know when you're not. One of the students mentioned that she describes it as the flood and the flow. The flood is when she has a constant barrage of negative thoughts, very much like a flood. She worries, frets, is anxious and down. The flow is when she knows in her body that all is well, that what she desires is on its way and that she is in alignment with what she desires most. She feels peaceful, happy and in anticipation.

The law of attraction works whether we know about it and consciously try to influence it or not. Our thoughts and feelings will affect what shows up in our lives, consciously or unconsciously. When we are practicing being in the flow, we become more aligned with our highest good, with our truest desires. We practice having more positive thoughts which affect our feelings. We practice letting go of the how and watching for clues from the Universe. We work on or play with changing our limiting beliefs.

How do you know what what you are doing is working? How do you know you are in the flow?

First, to tell whether you have been having primarily positive thoughts and feelings without limiting beliefs and that you have let go of the how, just look around you. Do you have the life you wish? Do you have plenty of money? Do you have sustaining and rich relationships? Do you have passionate pursuits? Is your career satisfying and meaningful to you? Your current life situation exactly mirrors your past thoughts and feelings. Sometimes this past pattern of thoughts and feelings is many years long. It takes time to change that habit of thought. Be patient with yourself and don't give up too soon.

Are the things you desire starting to show up? Maybe small events occur, the right phone call, or money comes in the mail, or you meet someone new who can help you further your career. Are synchronicities occuring? If so, then your recent past thoughts and feelings are moving in the right direction and having a direct effect on your life.

Many of us can feel the difference between the flood and the flow in our bodies. It is an actual physical feeling. When I am in the flow I can sense the energy flowing or moving in my body, usually from abdomen to chest in an upward motion. I feel lighter and happier. when I am not in the flow (or in the flood), my chest is closed or tight, I tend to be in my head and generally more tense. If you are not aware of any physical feelings, start noticing each day what your thoughts and feelings are and then what your body feels like. Are there any clues to tell you when you are in the flow or in the flood?

The Incredible Power of Communication in Attracting What You Desire

Communication, the exchanging of information, ideas, feelings, beliefs and values are a vital part of living the law of attraction. Communication openly expresses and validates the positive thoughts and feelings you are aiming for in LOA.

The next time you are out with a few of your friends or with your family, really notice the conversations going on. Most of the time we talk about the past, or the future. Less often, we talk about what is going on with us right now. Either way, we often talk habitually. That is we express ourselves in a certain style: gossipy, seriously, poking fun, sarcastically, dramatically, complaining and so on. Mostly, the communication can be thought of as positive or negative. The communication represents our thoughts and feelings (most of the time). The communication focuses on positive thoughts and feelings, or focuses on negative thoughts and feelings.

Language is very important in communication. What words you choose to express your thoughts and feelings can actually change your thoughts and feelings. Let me give you an example. I used to have a friend who loved to gossip, usually maliciously, about others. I often had lunch with her where we both worked. I would be feeling happy and relaxed when I went to lunch, but after a few minutes of tearing down other folks, I would feel uneasy, anxious and guilty. My thoughts when gossiping about others in a negative way changed my feelings.

Thoughts and feelings and the consequent verbal expression about the past often tend to be negative. We look back at when we were hurt or neglected, at past wrongs, either our own or someone else’s towards us. Unless you are thinking about beautiful, happy memories, your past thoughts can hold you back from what you want to create, your dreams.

When we look at and talk about the future, it often is filled with fear and apprehension. Some of us are very optimistic about the future so it will take the form of positive anticipation.

We’ve all heard the expression, be here now. The present time, right now, is the only place your innate creativity and joy can come into play. You can do nothing about the past and the future is not here yet. As Eckhart Tolle would say, all your power is in the now. Your power to create and live your dreams. The more we stay in the present, think and feel in the present and communicate in the present, intentionally in a positive way, the better the outcome.

Exercise 1
For the rest of the week, pay close attention to the conversations in which you participate.

• Are they focused on the past?


• On the future?


• What is the primary feeling being expressed?


• Do some people tend to be more or less positive or negative?


• What is your habitual talking pattern (if any)?

Identify the ten people you communicate with most often. Can you generally identify their communication style as positive or negative? Notice where these conversations tend to go. How do you feel after communicating with each for any length of time? Better or worse?

Notice your own speech patterns. Are they full of lack or full of abundance? Do they tend toward complaining about or appreciating the past, present or future? Do you find fault with others and the environment? Do you focus on issues and problems or the miracles that happen every moment?

Record at least one conversation with someone else. When you listen to the recording, notice how often you fall back into negative expression or how often you stay in the now with positive communication. Is your communication where you want it? Is it in line with your intentions of creating your dreams?

What we really want to communicate is positive thoughts and feelings about the past, present and future. We want to intentionally focus on what we are desiring our future life to be, the positive aspects of the present and only the positive aspects of the past, those moments when you were happiest.

Exercise 2
You should be more aware of how you are communicating with others based on previous exercises. You may be able to recognize when the conversation is negative. Set your intention right now, today, to have more positive communication with others. Recognize your ability to influence the conversation. Choose not to participate in negative conversations. Change the subject to something more positive and persist. This may take some practice and some folks may never get on board. But you can control your own part of the conversation. Refuse to go down the negative path.

Talk (only) about what is going well in your life. Include generous doses of what you want to have, do or be. Include your positive intentions. Every time you notice you’ve wandered off onto the negative (lack, complaining, anxious) path, gently steer yourself back. Take a deep breath and deliberately move back onto the positive conversational path. Smile and remain focused on all the good that is happening and will happen in your life. Give yourself a pat on the back for being willing to change.


Copyright 2007, Mary Anne Fields, LifeUnfolds.com

Retire Early and Live, Retire Later and Die?

This article about retiring early is not only for mid-lifers. It is for everyone who works no matter the age. Young folks, listen well. You still have time to plan and save for an early retirement.

Here is a link to an article regarding early retirement and longevity. It's a compelling reason to look at retiring earlier than you may have considered previously.

http://faculty.kfupm.edu.sa/coe/gutub/english_misc/retire1.htm

In brief, the article cites studies that show a correlation between early retirement and longevity.

Here is a table.

Table 1 – Actuarial Study of life span vs. age at retirement.

Age at
Retirement Average Age At Death
49.9 86
51.2 85.3
52.5 84.6
53.8 83.9
55.1 83.2
56.4 82.5
57.2 81.4
58.3 80
59.2 78.5
60.1 76.8
61 74.5
62.1 71.8
63.1 69.3
64.1 67.9
65.2 66.8

I have no idea how well the studies were done or how big the population looked at. Apparently there were at least two studies done at Lockheed Martin and at Boeing. In Boeing's numbers, employees retiring at 65 typically received their pension checks for only 18 months. At Lockheed, employees retiring at 65 on average received their pension checks for 17 months. I think that these studies were done a couple of decades ago, so that may affect their results. People are generally healthier and more vital than in older times.

The supposed culprit in early death is work stress.

What can we take away from this? Obviously, not all of us are in a financial position to retire early. If you can't retire ahead of schedule, then what can you do?

Reduce job stress. This is very serious and can take as much as 20 years from your life span. Reduce job stress by taking breaks, changing jobs within a company or changing companies. Learn to take frequent breaks and meditate or do some deep breathing or take walks. This is not just to feel better, it is to save your life.

Take your vacation time every year without fail. No working while on vacation!

Do not take work home with you. Have a clear line between work and home to make it easier to relax when you are home.

Live your dreams. Changing to a career better suited to your lifestyle, your temperament and your desires and dreams, can literally add years to your life. It's worth the effort to figure out what you really want to do and start doing it.

Ask questions about your work life. Why are you working so hard? Whom does it serve? What do you gain from it? What do you lose? What underlying need are you fulfilling by striving and working so hard? Does this really serve you? In what ways? Do you still want the same things you wanted when you started your career (climbing the ladder, more money, prestige, a title, the corner office, your parent's approval, etc.). If not, what changes can you make right now? What do you like or not like about your current work? Your current job? Your current work environment?

Here is a link to another study of railroad workers that corroborates the above study, but not quite as dramatically. http://www.rrb.gov/opa/qa/pub_0702.asp

Here is a link to another study that shows a much smaller correlation between early retirement and longevity. http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1273451 It does not seem to corroborate the above studies. I also have heard of (although can't find particulars) that working longer makes you live longer. I suspect that is for those who have no life outside work. Wonder if the environments had significantly different stress rates? I don't think they actually looked at stress in any of these studies, however, stress has long been mentioned as a factor in illnesses and diseases, some of which lead to early death. I know I have worked in both the oil and aerospace industries, both in responsible IT jobs, and there was no comparison of the stress levels. Aerospace was by far more stressful. But that may have been at that time period, at that office, just my job, or whatever else could have affected it.

Either way, reducing stress on the job can only help and may save your life. I hope this will encourage you to start planning for this major life change now.

What If

We all play the what-if game and some of us play it often. Worrying often takes the form of what if: "What if he leaves me?", "What if I get fired?", "What if my home doesn't sell?", "What if the doctor gives me bad news?". We can what if ourselves into a frenzy, adding anxiety after anxiety until we can only see bad news on the horizon.

I was recently conversing with a group of intelligent, talented, courageous women. One of them is contemplating a divorce. The conversation went something like this: "I just don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so unhappy. I know I don't love him anymore. But what if I am poor for the rest of my life? What if the girls (daughters) are scarred for life? What if I can't support us?" and so on. I countered with "what if you are incredibly happy after you leave, what if this is the best thing you could do for yourself and your children, what if you found you had plenty of money and could make it yourself, what if you were in a relationship where you were valued and appreciated, loved and respected?" She blinked a couple of times and slowly said, "Well, I guess that could happen." And then she smiled.

Somehow we think that worrying in this way, imagining negative futures, is a way of coming to a decision. We don't call it worrying, we call it logically thinking through a decision. We believe we are rationally reviewing options.

It's a funny thing, the games our minds play. What ifs most often take a negative form. They tend to scare us into behaving or scare us into staying the course. They often catastrophize our futures with the absolute worst that can happen. We rarely what if with the best that can happen.

So let's play a game. Let's call it What If - Positive.

Start right now with a problem that you are trying to solve or a decision you have to make. It can be small or large, trivial or important. But one where you are having trouble moving forward. Now play what if by imagining all the wonderful things that can happen if you move forward, if you decide or if you solve the problem. What if you were happier beyond your wildest dreams? What if everything turned out better than you expect? What if you were absolutely making the right decision? What if everything you want to happen just falls into place easily and quickly? What if all parties ended up better off than before? What if this was the perfect thing for you to do, right now? Of course, you'll want to make it specific to your situation, but play with it. Run wild and free in your imagination. Insist and intend that positive things will happen. See what happens in your body? In your mind?

The more you play this game, the more natural it will seem and the more often you will choose the positive what ifs rather than the usual negative what ifs. Practice it daily and see how much easier decisions are and how much better you feel.

A Big Thank You

I gave a talk last week to the women's association of the Bay Oaks Country Club. In attendance were about 90 women of all ages. My talk was on discovering and living your dreams.

Before and after the talk, I had the chance to speak with several of the attendees. What a wonderful group of women. So many of them spoke of exactly the kinds of topics I speak and teach about. Topics like: I wonder what I'm supposed to do in this life; I wonder what's next for me now that the kids are gone/going; I have a dream but I'm not sure what to do to get it started; How do I get moving...I seem to be stuck; I've done everything for my husband and children...it's my turn now, and so on.

I met a woman who was in her mid-seventies who spoke fondly of her careers but was totally enjoying her retirement. She was so friendly and energetic. when I told her she looked much younger than her age, she laughed and replied, "Well I'm the new 77, not the old!" I talked to younger women who were looking forward to their children's summer off and full of plans to have great family times. Some of the women were challenging themselves to do and be more in the outside world, either through careers, running a business or volunteering in responsible positions. It was a joy to me to see so many women seeking to be their best selves and to experience life to the fullest.

I really enjoyed getting to know these women a little and loved giving the talk. Thank you Bay Area Country Club Women 's Association for inviting me!

LBYM

Do you know what LBYM means? It is an acronym for Living Below Your Means. The number one secret to being financially stable is to live below your means. Not very sexy, but really easy to understand.

So what does this mean in practical terms?

If you make (earnings or income) x dollars a month, and y dollars is your taxes, then you have z dollars (net) left to spend. That is x - y = z. Instead of spending z, to live below your means, you spend z - 10% or z - 20%. The extra 10 to 20% goes to savings or to investments. Your means is z and you spend less than z.

Living below your means will lead to:

• ever increasing wealth
• having emergency funds for the downtimes due to layoff, illness, etc.
• the possibility of becoming financially independent
• the possibility of retiring someday without being poverty stricken
• instilling financial discipline in both for you and your children
• less stress and chaos around money
• having enough money to buy all necessities plus a little for fun, pleasure, recreation and hobbies.
• feelings of security and a sense of satisfaction with your financial strategy
• stability

Some of my clients and students, friends and family are in precarious financial straits. Why? It's usually not because they don't make enough money to live on. By that, I mean they make the US average or better and could live on that amount. But they choose not to. In fact, I know several wealthy (in the top 10% of the country's wealthiest) who live from paycheck to paycheck and are deeply in debt.

What are some characteristics of those individuals and families who do not live below their means?

• They have large balances on their credit cards.
• They pay the minimum amount due on credit cards each month.
• They buy too much house, meaning the payments are too high and may be going up. Sometimes they buy using interest-only loans or variable rate loans with balloon payments after some number of years.
• They buy new cars every few years.
• They buy every desired consumer good including big screen TVs, the newest electronics, expensive toys, recreational vehicles such as RVs, boats, ATVs, scooters, etc.
• They do not have 3 to 6 months of emergency funds to support their families in times of layoffs, illness or other mishap.
• They have no retirement savings to speak of.
• They have no way to help their children through college except by taking out loans or charging it on the credit card.
• They often do not deny themselves or their children anything.
• They do not budget.
• They do not know for sure what their income and expenses are.
• They often juggle payments, expenses, buying and selling and cash flow.
• They are stressed out, unhappy, and depressed.

Of course, one can be living below your means and have a few of the above, such as lots of toys, but these are typical for those living above their means, especially when taking them as a group.

Living below your means is a simple concept. You take your salary, subtract your taxes, subtract your savings amount (10 or 20 or 30%) and what's left is yours to spend. But it also means being wise with your money. Oftentimes, it means doing the opposite of what is listed above under the characteristics of those who do not live below their means. Things such as never using a credit card unless you can pay it off in full each month; buying less house than you can "afford"; tracking your expenses and your income so you have a clear picture of your finances; driving your cars longer and buying used; and so on.

If you are interested in this concept, you may want to read the book Your Money Or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. It's a classic and an easy read.

The Great Silent Grandmother Gathering

Sharon Mehdi wrote a wonderful short story for her five-year old granddaughter, The Great Silent Grandmother Gathering, that can be an inspiration to all of us. http://www.grandmotherbook.com/index.html Basically the story tells of two grandmothers that stood silently, dressed in their Sunday best, in the park to save the world. The idea catches on and more women join... in the story and in the Real World...

http://www.standingwomen.org/
Please stand with us for five minutes of silence at 1 p.m. your local time on May 13, 2007, in your local park, school yard, gathering place, or any place you deem appropriate. We ask you to invite the men who you care about to join you. We ask that you bring bells to ring at 1 p.m. to signify the beginning of the five minutes of silence and to ring again to signify the end of the period of silence. During the silence, please think about what you individually and we collectively can do to attain this world. If you need to sit rather than stand, please feel free to do so. Afterwards, hopefully you and your loved ones can talk together about how we can bring about this world.

A summary of the story is:
A busboy who worked in a café whose window faced the public park noticed that two grandmotherly looking women had been standing in the park all day without moving at all and without talking. They were dressed up in their Sunday best and were just staring at the town hall. He asked the other patrons in the café what they thought the women were up to. They speculated on a variety of things. Then, a five-year old year who was in the café spoke up and said "One of them is my grandmother and I know what they are doing. They are standing there to save the world." All of the men in the café hooted and howled and laughed. On his way home the busboy decided to ask the women what they were doing and sure enough their answer was "We are saving the world."Over dinner that evening the busboy told his parents and he and his father hooted and howled, but his mother was totally silent. After dinner, the mother called her best friends to tell them.
Read the rest of the story at:
http://www.standingwomen.org/english_story.html

An Estrangement with Self

Those of you who have been in my workshops or my clients know that I strongly believe that happiness is tied to being who you really are, that is, your authentic self. Another way of saying that is being true to your self (your true self).

All of us are trained from birth to be a certain way. That certain way is the way of our parents, our extended family, our friends, our church, the media, our culture, our schools and others who may have an influence on our early selves. Many of us were taught to be the opposite of who we were naturally as a child. Maybe we were too inquisitive, too rambunctious, too quiet, too smart for our britches, too pushy, and the list goes on. Maybe we chose our schools and jobs based on our parents' or grandparents' wishes. The old alma mater which was perfect for Grandpa was chosen for you as well. And you may have been gently guided (or not so gently) into your career. Possibly because your parents saw this as a good, solid career, or a money-maker for your security, or to live out the lives they were unable to live. How many mothers have pushed their own daughters to be in a sorority because they were unable to attend college? Or pushed their sons to be doctors because they never had the opportunity?

This molding is not just around careers, it shows up in every area of our lives. If you've got a problem in your life such as financial concerns or relationship concerns, you can usually look back to see how your current beliefs and values and feelings about these things were left to you by your parents or your childhood and early adult experiences.

So basically, we are estranged from our true selves. From the Merriam Webster online dictionary, estranged means:
1 : to remove from customary environment or associations 2 : to arouse especially mutual enmity or indifference in where there had formerly been love, affection, or friendliness : alienate.
In essence there is a true, natural self, one we were meant to be. Some people associate this with our personality and how we are "wired". Others believe this relates to our "purpose or mission" in this life. To be estranged from our true selves causes 90% of all our unhappiness and angst. And mostly we are blind to it. We wonder what is wrong with us that we can't be happy at this "great" job or why we can't settle down to a "nice" relationship. And, of course, the answer is that there is nothing wrong with us. The wrong comes in our being trained to be someone else besides ourselves.

We all know someone like this. The artist hidden inside the computer programmer. The doctor inside the teacher. The born to be a mom inside the woman in a yuppie childless couple. The outspoken clown inside the reserved, quiet person. It can take almost any form imaginable.

The road to authenticity can be long, but is well worth the journey. It takes experimentation, insight and awareness, love and kindness with yourself and courage. All of us can take this journey. The payoff is more happiness, confidence, solidity and self-knowledge.

Double Dare You

Are you thinking about doing something out of your comfort zone? Maybe something that feels a little wacky or uncomfortable? Possibly something that causes you to seize up and be afraid? Good for you!

Stepping outside your comfort zone has so many benefits and so few downsides that you'd be crazy not to do it. However, that's not what most of us do. We fantasize about it, we dream about it, but when the fear comes up or when others judge us for our desires, we close down and sit down squarely in the middle of our own personal comfortable box.

One of the main jobs of our egos is to keep us safe. The ego will advise us to stay the course, to choose "wisely" and be "rational", meaning to stay the same and don't take any risks. Our thoughts scare us into behaving ("I'll get hurt", "this wouldn't be good", "it can't turn out well, look at everyone else who has failed at this", etc.). Egos were formed mostly in early childhood. Things that were dangerous then, are no longer dangerous, but try to tell your ego that! This means that many of our thoughts about taking a risk or trying something new are based on faulty thoughts, beliefs and assumptions about what may happen.

Taking a calculated risk, stepping outside our comfort zone, trying something new and daring, all have benefits. Just a few of them are:

• we feel better, more exhilarated, more excitement and passion


• we win even if we fail because we always learn something about ourselves, we gain insight


• our lives take on new dimensions, we meet new people, we learn new skills, we often feel something new, we have new experiences


• we gain self-confidence


• these new experiences are often the "door opening" to something even bigger and better


• we look forward to these experiences with happy anticipation

I double dare you to step out, live large, be bold and experience life!

Please leave a comment and let me know what you're thinking about doing to step outside your comfort zone.

Letting Go of a Role

We all have roles we play in life. Mother, Father, Grandparent, Boss, Subordinate, Organizer, Volunteer, Daughter, Sister, Uncle, Coach, Analyst, Chaffeur, etc. We all have many roles and they change over time. But some are harder to change or get rid of than others.

One of the roles I am having trouble losing is that of Involved-Mom (or over-involved as some might say). My only child is 36 years old and a parent himself. I still tell him what to do as if he were six. In a recent conversation, I was horrified to hear my self say "Isn't it time for a haircut?", "Here, eat some more, you need to gain weight.", "Do you really have the money to do that?", and much more. My son was born deaf, so the over-protection, over-involvement comes hard earned and is deeply ingrained. With every visit I tell myself that this time I will not lecture. I will not tell him what to do. I will not offer my unasked-for opinions especially as they are rarely (never) heard, acknowledged or acted upon. And then I open my mouth.

I will admit that I am doing better than I used to. I don't call him every day like I used to. I don't ask about his daily activities. I don't give him money every time it is suggested. I even occasionally keep my opinions to myself. It has been a very gradual process and I can see some progress in my own behavior and letting go. But I have a long way to go as well.

I have looked carefully at the results I get from my behavior and they aren't pretty. He doesn't like it at all. I don't like who I am when I do this. It makes him unhappy and not so thrilled to be around me and I don't blame him. It makes me unhappy as well. It can't be good for his self-worth, after all every time I say something like that what he hears is that he is not good enough or not doing well. That's certainly not the message I intend, but that is what comes out of my mouth.

So why do I continue this behavior? Mostly out of habit, partly out of the need to be right, partly out of laziness. I also continue to have fear about what may happen to him if he goes too far astray (by my definition). After all I have been looking out for him for 36 years. That is a long time habit. The laziness comes in that it takes effort to change a habit. I resolve almost ten years ago to change my behavior with him, and it has improved, but hangs on.

My son is definitely not me. He doesn't live the way I do in almost all areas of his life. He has made his choices and lives by them. And overall is doing well.

I resolve again today to change my behavior, to overcome this habit, and to let go of my role as over-involved mom.

Another role we may have trouble letting go of may be retiring from a long-held career. It may be difficult to see yourself as something other than your job or your title. Or from being a mover and a shaker to being just you.

What about moving from being a free, partying, single to being married and a parent? What difficulties might you be having? Might you have feelings of remorse or be self-pitying for having so much responsibility and giving up your own free time?

What about dealing with divorce or becoming a widow/er after many years of marriage? Becoming newly single and not being part of a pair may be difficult to let go of.

What roles or habits are you hanging on to? Share by leaving a comment.

Take Out the Trash

I read this phrase, "take out the trash", recently in a movie review and thought how much trash is in each of our lives. We look around our home or office and say, hey, there's no trash here. We organize, we declutter, we simplify...no trash here. And we do keep our homes and cars clean, our lawns nice, but that's not all that needs to be cleaned up. We take better care of our homes and cars than we do ourselves and our spirits, especially when it comes to trash!

What is trash?

Trash is negative thoughts and negative images hanging around in our ever-busy minds. Often put there by 100% voluntary consumption of violent TV, movies and books.

Trash is beating up on ourselves for all sorts of real and imagined faults. We're often kinder to strangers than we are to ourselves.

Trash is filling our lives with meaningless, even harmful, distractions that make us dull and lazy. Ruts and giving up begin here.

Trash is living small, staying in the box you grew up with even when it doesn't serve your best interests any more. Only a tree should stay stuck in the same place its entire life.

Trash is living with things that you dislike or even hate. You get to choose.

Trash is settling for less than you desire, less than you deserve.

Trash is sitting on the couch watching TV or playing computer games for endless hours when you could be exercising or meditating or living your passion or even playing with your spouse or children.

Trash is eating more fat and sugar in a day than a family of ten needs.

Trash is polluting your body and mind, killing your spirit with alcohol and other addictions.

Trash is hanging out with friends and family who run you down, take advantage of you, don't listen and validate and believe in you.

Trash is looking in the mirror and saying anything besides "I love you and you're beautiful/handsome."

Trash is going to a job you hate year after year, living in fear, not allowing yourself room to breathe and grow.

Trash is any attitude, belief or value that doesn't serve your highest and best interests.

You take out the trash in your house every day or every other day. You take it to the curb every week or so. You clean up your lawn once a week or every two weeks. Your car gets cleaned every week (okay, every two months!).

But how often do you clean out the trash in your most treasured possessions: Your mind and your body, your Self? How many years or even decades have you been living with trash? Can you feel it? Can you see all that trash piling up around you, holding you back, holding you down? Is it time to take out the trash?

Please leave a comment.

Copyright 2007, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds. All rights reserved.

Ten Winning Ways to Say No

You can't manage your life, your time, your energy if you can't say no to unreasonable requests, things you don't want to do, and things that are clearly not in your best interest. Saying no is an art, but everyone can learn to do it. If you're the least bit uneasy saying no to your boss, your spouse, your children, strangers and friends, then read on.

Here are some ways for you to say no. Be clear and firm.

1. That won’t work for me.
2. I just do not enjoy doing that/that kind of work.
3. I have another commitment.
4. My calendar is full. Or I am already overcommitted.
5. I am in the middle of several time-consuming projects.
6. I need to focus more on my (work, family, health, etc.)
7. No, can’t do it. Or just plain no.
8. I can’t do it, but I know someone who can.
9. This is not my strong suit. Or I’m not really qualified to do this.
10. I am not comfortable with that.

If you are uneasy or out of practice with saying no, here are a few tips:

Don't justify, explain, defend, negotiate, or give details about why you are saying no. Why? First because you have every right to say for no reason at all. But even if you have a reason, it's no one else's business. Also, when you give a reason, it gives the requestor a chance to argue, push or negotiate you off that position. Better to just say no, shake your head, and change the subject.

Don't apologize or say you are sorry for having to say no. This puts you in a less than firm or weaker position. You really don't have to be sorry for doing what is right for you.

If someone continues to wheedle, ask, plead, or otherwise pushes you, just continue to say no. This is taught in some assertiveness classes. Just repetitively say no until they are worn down.

Practice saying no with someone you trust. Especially if you know someone is about to ask you for something you do not want to do. (To be PTA mom, or to watch their dog for a month, or to do just one more project, e.g.) Role play with your friend asking you the question and you saying no (see above for ways to say no). Practice until you feel very comfortable doing this.

It's also good to practice on small requests and/or with strangers first. Work your way up to your spouse, your family and your boss.

Trust me, it does get easier. You, too can be a world champion no-sayer!

What's your favorite way to say no? Leave a comment.


By Mary Anne Fields of Life Unfolds, copyright 2007, all rights reserved. http://www.LifeUnfolds.com

Wise Ones Say

Here are a few quotes to ponder.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

"When it comes to the words you choose, whether in your mind or amongst friends, let them be of what you like and love. What you care about and cherish. What makes you happy. What gives you wings. What makes you dream. And very little else. --The Universe" Mike Dooley

“Where there is purpose, there is energy. Actions directed toward a compelling purpose will create a powerful momentum that lines up events and circumstances in your favor. Purpose gives you a reason to get going each day and strengthens your determination to persist when the going gets tough. Purpose pushes you firmly toward your highest level of accomplishment.” Ralph Marston

"Measure yourself by your best moments, not by your worst. We are
too prone to judge ourselves by our moments of despondency and
depression." Robert Johnson

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." Albert Einstein


One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices
one makes.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Do you have a favorite quote to share? Leave a comment!

Achieve through Receiving

In aiming your thoughts and emotions toward your goals, that is, by using the law of attraction, one area often trips us up. Receiving or allowing. The steps to working with the law of attraction are:

• Clearly know what you want.
• Use your thoughts and emotions to positively and clearly make it real in your mind.
• Be grateful for all that you already have, especially in line with what you desire.
• Think, feel and act as if you already had what you desire.
• Let go and allow the Universe to work on your behalf, let go of the how.
• Watch for clues from the Universe or God that will let you know what actions to take.
• Take the actions.
• As what you desire starts to show up in your life, receive it, allow it.
• Be grateful for each and every thing that shows up as you desire.

Many of us are able to clearly see what we desire, are able to stay positive and visualize, but than stumble when it comes to receiving. I have a personal story to illustrate this. A friend of mine keeps a dream binder in which she has pictures of all the things she wants, some material, some intangible. In this book, she had a picture of a gorgeous Rolex watch. I was in a class where the leader, my friend and fellow coach, held up her arm. On it was a beautiful Rolex watch. She asked the group, "Want to know how I got my watch?" We all nodded and said yes. She went on to say, "A friend called me up and said that she was getting too fat to wear her watch and wanted to know if I wanted it. I said yes!" We all looked surprised. She then asked "which of you would have accepted the watch, this free gift of the Universe?" We all said we would have said no to the gift. Some would have felt guilt, or felt there were strings, or felt they couldn't wear such a nice watch, all sorts of reasons. Talk about not receiving!

Of course, it's obvious when you think about it, it won't matter how good you are at affirmations, at thinking and feeling positively, at visualizing and journaling about your desires or at taking informed actions as provided to you by the Universe, if you cannot receive what is given. No where in the law of attraction does it say you get to pick how your desire will show up. No where does it say, it will come to you in a way you can accept and expect. We do not get to choose the how, we only need to watch and say yes. We receive and allow, easy with the flow of good coming to us, no matter its form.

Practice today saying yes when offered something. A cup of coffee, a ride to work, help with something. Say yes and receive.

If you have a story to share about receiving, please leave a comment.

All contect copyrighted, 2007, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds. All rights reserved.

What Do You Really Know?

One of the guidelines I usually give at the beginning of my workshops is to keep an open mind. As soon as we hear ourselves saying "Oh, I already know this" or "That's not true", we have lost our ability and will to learn something new, to hear something said in a different way, and to be "enlightened".

We all go through much of our lives, especially as middle aged adults, believing we already know most of what we need to know. Which is kind of silly when you think of it. Many of us are unhappy, depressed, angry, hate our jobs, dislike our relationships, are estranged from family...and yet we think we already know everything we need to know. Some of us are very tied to the story of "I know" or another way of saying that is "I am superior because I know."

Recently, I was hit over the head with this concept again. I hurt my right shoulder several months ago. After four months, I went to the doctor who xrayed me and said I had a "bone spur". He sent me to a surgeon. Now, about ten years ago, I had a bone spur in my left shoulder and had to have surgery to fix it. I "knew" what was involved. So I arranged my schedule to keep it open for the surgery on my right shoulder. I knew how long the rehab would take and how much discomfort I was in for. I was deeply upset about having to have surgery. I spent about a week spinning around talking about it at every turn, feeling anxious. Then I visit the surgeon who assures me I do not have a bone spur and that no surgery is needed. Of course, I was relieved, but the lesson was not lost. I had just lost a week of emotional equilibrium, even happiness, because "I knew" I was going to have surgery. I had closed my mind completely because "I knew".

I definitely was not living in the moment. I was not experiencing what the Buddhists call beginner's mind. I jumped way ahead looking at my imagined future, sure that I knew what was going to happen, how it was going to affect me, and what the doctor would say. Another way of saying this is I just made it all up. One can say, yes, but you had good reason because of previous experience, but that really doesn't fly. History does not always repeat itself, especially where humans are involved. We all have the chance to make changes, to react differently, to have a different perspective. If I had been living in the moment, experiencing life as it comes, the effect of the whole episode would have been minimal to non-existent. Instead it turned into a drama, something to dread and be unhappy about.

How often do we do this? Make up stories based on false expectations of our future? Or relive false memories of our past? I say false, because our brains are very selective about what we remember and emotions play a big part in how it is remembered. How much of what we experience on any given day is simply not true, not real? The next time, you feel yourself tightening up and the idea of "I know this already" comes to your mind, stop and free yourself. Remind yourself to relax and let go and live here right now. Life is much easier if you can keep a beginner's mind.

Do You Believe in the Law of Attraction?

What level of belief do you have in the law of attraction, that is, your ability to attract into your life, through your thoughts, emotions and informed actions, what you most desire? Most of us have had an experience of synchronicity where something shows up just when we need it or just the way we wanted it to. Many of us have had the experience of desiring something strongly and then having it happen just like we imagined. But we often don't generalize that into a strongly held belief.

The law of attraction works, but just I saying that it is true, doesn't necessarily mean you believe it. The thing is, if I asked you to look at your current thoughts and feelings and your current life, I bet they are a match. This is a kind of proof of the law of attraction working in yhour life. For example, if you are worried about money, feeling desperate about bills, feeling anxious and looking at how little you have, this is most likely mirrored by a lack of money in your life. Now, you probably will say, yes, but because I am out of money, I feel those things. I propose that it is the opposite. Because you feel those things, you lack money. The tricky thing is you don't believe that your present reality was brought into being by your thoughts and feelings.

I propose that you give the law of attraction the benefit of the doubt. Choose something you want, start practicing changing your thoughts and feelings to positive, energizing ones, and notice what happens. Stay open to the possibility that this will bring you what you want. Allow it into your life.

Keep a manifestation log; a diary of what you desire, how you are doing at keeping your thoughts and feelings positive, how you are doing at noticing signs from the Universe or God that you are to take action, and how open you are to receiving what you asked for. Keep a daily record of what is occuring around this one desire. As you practice, you will find that your success rate goes up. As you manifest each new desire, your confidence in this process will go up. Try it for 30 days and see what happens. Let me know.

Oprah - The Secret - The Law of Attraction

Did you see the teachers from the movie, The Secret, on Oprah today? I was quite excited because it makes these concepts more mainstream and available to so many more folks.

I'd love to know what you thought about what was said on the program? Any comments?

Also, if you are new to the Law of Attraction, or just want to reinforce your practice, I'm teaching my classic law of attraction workshop, The Attraction Circle, starting next month via Teleclass. Read more or sign up at http://www.lifeunfolds.com/attractioncircle.htm.

The Proof

I've written several articles on being versus doing. I believe that we are worthy of love, prosperity and success just because we exist. We do not have to earn the right to have these. However, many of us still struggle with our beliefs about our own worthiness and greatness. If you need a boost in this area, here is an exercise to help.

Do you lack self-confidence in your ability to achieve? Do you need proof that you are competent, worthy of success, capable of handling what comes to you? Are you afraid of failure? Here's an exercise to truly own your greatness.

List your life accomplishments. Yes, all of them. Search high and low and include everything you can think of. Ask your family and friends to offer suggestions. Spend an hour or two or three on this.

Here's just a few from my own list as an example:

1. Won fourth grade spelling bee.
2. Graduated high school.
3. Graduated college with a business degree while working and raising a family.
4. Raised a loving, sweet son.
5. Learned and taught sign language.
6. Learned to drive a car.
7. Painted a house.
8. Learned about financial matters and invested my own money.
9. Learned to ride a bicycle, row a canoe and kayak, play volleyball, softball, racquetball.
10. Ran 6 miles.
11. Learned to crawl and walk and talk.
12. Learned to cook.
13. Created a website and blogs.
14. Became a corporate Vice-President.
15. Programmed computers.
16. Camped alone. Set up my own tent.

Your list may run to the hundreds and many pages.

Pick out the top ten life achievements. Write down what skills, traits and activities it took you to accomplish this. Again, here's an example.

"Graduated college while working full-time and raising a family."

Skills and traits:
Organization skills
Speed reading
High energy
Perseverance
Intelligence
Drive/ambition
Time management
Study skills
Communication skills
Assertiveness skills
Flexibility
Planning skills
Writing skills
Test taking skills
Courage
And the list goes on.

Now turn each of these into "I" statements. For example, I am courageous. I am flexible. I have exceptional planning skills. I have good communication skills, etc. Play with the wording until it feels good, feels right, feels strong.

Even though I was not aware of the law of attraction or the idea of manifesting at the time, I know that graduating college was an incredibly strong desire for me. I can look back and see synchronistic events that led me to get enrolled and to finish. Look at your top ten from this point of view as well.

Now one of the obstacles that may jump up when you do this is comparing yourself to others or to some ideal. For example, yes, I graduated from college, but I don't have a Master's or Ph.D. Or yes, I learned to walk and talk, but everybody does that so it doesn't count. Or yes, I learned to cook, but I could have been a gourmet cook. These are all manifestations of your inner critic, that part of yourself that will never be satisfied with what you do (no matter what). If you'd gotten two Ph.D.'s, your inner critic would have said "you could have had a MD or a third PhD."
This is one inner voice that must be tamed. Try for this exercise, to just acknowledge the voice and let it go.

Are you convinced? Do you see your greatness? Are you willing to admit that you are a successful person and can do pretty much anything you set your mind to do? Can you own it and say out loud, "I really am great!"

Notice:

1. By taking one step at a time, often very small steps, you accomplished big or advanced goals.
2. You learned things you may have thought were difficult or impossible at the time.
3. You have many traits you need for success and some are very well developed.
4. You have accomplished a lot more than you might feel or think.
5. You have had many successes in your life.
6. Many, if not all, of these goals started out as desires.
7. You may have had fear about doing some of these things and did them anyway.

What did you learn in this excrcise? Anything you want to share?

Mid-Life Mentors

I spent my weekend at a spiritual retreat. It was wonderful being with my spiritual friends, hearing the teacher, and it was held in Galveston at a beach house which didn't hurt either! Picture was taken on beach at retreat Sunday morning.

One of the points the teacher made was how challenging it can be to find good, solid mentors for those in mid-life and beyond. Mentors provide us with a well-worn path to what we want. We don't have to invent our own way; someone else has been there before us. All we have to do is model our actions after those who have what we desire. We can learn from their example.

In our youth, we modeled our lives after our parents and teachers, celebrities, those in public service, or even our friends. As we grew and gained wisdom, we sought others who had what we wanted. Maybe it was a successful career or wealth. I know I emulated the male vice-presidents at my corporation because that's what I wanted at the time. There were no women role models so I took what was at hand. In our child-bearing years we modeled others who were great parents as we had our own children. Possibly our grandparents or our neighbors or even our pediatrician.

Now we are approaching mid-life or are beyond it. This is a new life phase, a chance to change our life direction, to choose more wisely based on who we are today and on who we want to become.

I personally want my life to be simpler, more satisfying, less material-driven, more spiritual, more balanced. Oh, and a little more adventurous and challenging! I would like to be more fearless and much kinder. I want to make a difference in the world.

My mentor is my Buddhist lama. He is an absolute example of everything I want in my own life. I am privileged to know him, but not everyone is so lucky and not everyone wants what I want.

A mentor or role model can be the catalyst for change. He or she can be the proof we may need that the life we seek is possible, can be happy and satisfying, that it is not all a pipe dream. A mentor will exhibit traits that we desire for ourselves. He or she will often show us methods or the way to become "like" them through their own life stories and through their example.

Who is your mentor? Here are a few questions to help you find someone to speed you on your way to the life you want to create.

Who is living the life that you want?
Who models for you genuine happiness, a life of community and service, your spiritual values? Who, through the expression of their own life, gives you the confidence that the life you seek can be created and can give you true happiness?
What characteristics do they exhibit that you can emulate?
What methods or training did they get to be who they are today?
What do you admire about them?
What do they have that you desire?

I encourage you to look around at your friends, family, acquaintances, community and spiritual leaders, teachers and elsewhere. Read biographies of people you admire. Listen to their stories and learn. Find your mentor(s) today.

New Workshop Schedule 2007

See my workshops for March and April at http://www.LifeUnfolds.com/workshops.htm

More to come!

Daily Attraction and Inspiration

I love this short attraction-based movie. It's really the trailer for the movie "The Secret" and is called "The Secret to Riches", but it would be great to watch every morning and night as an affirmative reminder of how attraction will work in your life. Several of my readers have mentioned they are watching the movie, The Secret, every day. Also, a wonderful reinforcement for learning to use the laws of attraction. But if you don't have that much time, here's something much quicker.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0_qK6kxLno

Dialogue to Get Unstuck

If you are not getting what you want, if the abundance is not showing up, if things are stagnant in your life, then maybe it's time you speak up. In my workshops and in my coaching, the first step to getting what you want in your life is to KNOW what you want in your life. Obvious, huh? But in each of my workshops, there are at least a few who do not know what they want. They know "this" isn't it, but are not sure what they truly desire. Why is this?

We have conflicting beliefs and often conflicting values. It's sometimes difficult to decide what we desire because different parts of us want different things or think the thing we desire is good or bad or healthy or unhealthy and so on. Another way of saying this is we vacillate or we are ambivalent. We may have a hidden desire or passion, but the linear side of us "judges" that as negative or impossible. Sometimes we want success, sometimes we don't want to work at all. Sometimes we want a loving relationship, other times we think being single is the best. Sometimes we want to be a writer, other times we think that is too solitary an occupation. We go round and round.

Another block is catastrophizing the imagined results so that we live in fear. One of the common ones with some of the entrepreneurs I work with is looking forward to the envisioned future and seeing (a) total loss of our time being busy and overwhelmed because of incredible success, or (b) our beloved work turned into something we hate. We lose sight of the fact that at each step of the way we decide what our next step is. It is not here one day and President of the United States tomorrow. There are many steps along the way and many times where we can decide to stay with our vision, our goals, our intention and shy away from things that would overwhelm us or kill our passion. It is always within our control and our choice.

So how do we get out of these stuck positions? Start a dialogue. Speak up. Put your thoughts out instead of sitting on them, repressing them or having them whirl around in your head. Here are a few ideas on how to start the dialogue that will lead you to clarity.

1. Dialogue with yourself. This can be done in several ways, but here are a couple of ideas. Try to keep this light and energetic.

First just write it out as if it were a dialogue in a book. Person A (give it a catchy name like "judge", "excitement freak", "little old lady" or whatever seems appropriate) speaks first and states their position. Person B (also with a catchy name) speaks next and so on. When you start writing state your intention that the writing will result in resolution and clarity. Do this each time you write.

Another way to dialogue with yourself is to set up two chairs opposite one another. Person A (you) sits in one chair and talks out loud stating your position. Then you move to the other chair and become Person B. Move back and forth. Again at the beginning state your intention that the dialogue will result in resolution and clarity.

2. Dialogue with a trusted, supportive friend. Simply ask for help from them; ask them to listen and with gentle kindness, offer their viewpoint or to ask you good, hard questions. Again, be sure your intention is to gain resolution and clarity in what you desire.

3. Dialogue with a professional. A coach is perfect for this kind of dialogue. It is her job and she is trained to help you clarify by listening and asking good questions. To contact me about coaching, simply drop me a line at maf@lifeunfolds.com.

If you are stuck and can't seem to get what you desire, then dialogue your way through the block.

Please leave a comment if you found this helpful or would like to add to the ideas.

All content copyrighted, 2007, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Nature as Meditation

Nature inspires us, fills us with awe, and provides us with visual and auditory beauty. For me, nature is spiritual. It can change my sense of self, and alter my emotions and thoughts just by sitting or walking quietly in nature outdoors. My own preferences include an ocean beach, forests, creeks, waterfalls and mountains, and the skies above. Each of these in its own way fills me up, spiritually. Others love the desert, lakes, or fields of grass. Some love gardens filled with flowers. Nature can inspire even when raining or snowing or windy. Go out and experience it for yourself. I love to walk in the rain and even to watch thunderstorms. Every experience in nature can be a kind of meditation, even hiking or kayaking.

Meditating in nature or on nature gives you another layer of insight, more depth in knowing about yourself and in healing yourself. Meditation can calm a noisy mind, will help you learn more about yourself, can answer the big questions in your life, will help you to be more grounded and centered, and to have equanimity and calm. Even five minutes a day will make a big difference. Fifteen to thirty is ideal. But don't let the lack of time stop you.

To meditate simply sit quietly outdoors. Sitting up straight will keep you from feeling sleepy. Observe what is around you, notice the beauty. Notice the sounds and sights and sensations, but don't create stories in your head about them. Don't like or dislike them. Simply notice and let them go. Gently close your eyes and breathe. Notice your breath as it comes and goes. If thoughts intrude, simply imagine that they are clouds in the sky and watch them go by. I end my meditations with gratitude. In this case, gratitude for nature and all it provides and for the time and energy to meditate.

I hope you will try it a few times. See what works best for you. Let me know what your experience is with meditating or send me questions.

All content including photos are copyrighted, 2006, by Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds. All rights reserved.

Wealth versus Happiness

Someone recently left a comment to one of my blogs pointing out that wealth does not bring happiness and that people would be better off if they spent their time facing up to that rather than searching for more wealth, especially if they can pay their bills already. You won't see that comment because it was anonymous and I've made it a policy not to allow anonymous comments. However, the point is valid.

In my workshops and in my coaching, I often speak of the endless search for happiness outside ourselves. We look to wealth to make us happy. We look to careers, children, spouses, sex, clothing, entertainment, food, alcohol, drugs, vacations, and just about anything else you can think of, thinking that finally this is the thing that will make us happy. So why do we keep searching for that elusive thing out there? The thing that will make us happy?

Because we are human. Humans desire things. Humans desire, period. Even saying that though does not mean that we cannot learn what makes us happy and what does not. We all have had the experience of desiring something strongly. If we ever stop to question why we desire it, the answer is almost always something related to how we will feel when we have it. We will feel happier, more secure, stronger, better, good, excited, prettier, sexier, healthier, etc. Many of us want wealth because it gives us choices, more freedom to live as we wish. And why do we want freedom to live as we wish; because we believe it will make us happy. So basically most of us do not actually want the wealth itself, but what it brings us, freedom or choices or perceived prestige and so on. So we are back to looking to something outside ourselves to make us happy.

Many studies have been done about money and happiness. Most studies show that rich people are no happier than poor people. All you have to do is read any celebrity magazine to know that this is true! And that when someone gets a great deal of money as in winning the lottery, after a few weeks or months, their happiness level returns to pre-lottery-winning levels. A few studies show that increased wealth does bring a slight increase in happiness, but that may be related to relieving stress and worry in those who cannot pay their bills. That being said, not having enough money to have the basics can contribute to your unhappiness, bringing stress, illness, emotional upheaval, etc. If you have enough to make your bills and have a little extra, adding a lot more will not add to your happiness.

I also believe that one of the ways you learn that money (or anything else outside yourself) does not bring you happiness is by wanting more money, getting it and noticing that it didn't bring you the happiness you desired. In my own aha! experience, I once spent my hard earned money redecorating my house (for the first time with everything new). It was beautiful, just the way I always imagined it. It cost a lot of money and effort, but turned out perfectly. My thrill lasted only a few days. I really got in touch with what was happening. I was not happier. The expense and the time and energy spent in obtaining these material goods was a waste (other than my learning the lesson). Since then I have simplified, do not buy a lot of things and generally do not relate my happiness to material goods. But I may not have learned the lesson without having gone through the experience myself. Most of us do not learn just by others telling us something is so. We learn through experience. Many of us after getting the wealth we desired will misinterpret the missing happiness as meaning the wealth they finally got wasn't enough, and that they actually need even more to make them happy. Thus the cycle of "wanting more" continues. Every one learns in their own time and in their own way.

So what is the "take away" from this? If you want wealth or financial independence, try to figure out what you are really looking for. Is it security? Is it freedom? Is it prestige? Whatever it is, you can ask for it directly without having the wealth. If it is freedom you desire, then ask for and attract freedom. If it is happiness you desire, then ask for and attract happiness. And, really notice what adds to your happiness and what does not.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Plant a Seed, Grow a Dream

Do you have a dream? How real is it to you? Can you truly imagine what it looks like? Feels like? Do you have all the details filled in or is it kind of vague? One of the most important steps to making your dreams come true is to decide what you truly want and to be crystal clear about the dream. Here is at least one way to increase your clarity and to give the dream enough energy to begin forming.

In some of my workshops, I use a guided visualization about planting a seed and watching it grow to simulate growing our dreams. What do you do when you want to grow a garden? You first decide what you want in a garden. You know you have to prepare the soil, to plant seeds or bulbs, to nurture the young plants with water, sun and food, and then to reap the benefits of a beautiful mature garden. You know when to water and feed, when to shade or cover the plant because you pay attention to the plants. The plants themselves will tell you what is needed.

Creating a dream, bringing it into being, is very similar.

Decide what you want

First you decide what plants you want to grow. Is it a formal garden, a country cottage garden, one for butterflies or one for the shade? Will you be happy with perennials or annuals, trees and bushes, or ground cover and flowers? Do you want something that takes a lot of maintenance or only a little? All must be decided in order to have the garden you desire.

For dreams, you must also decide what it is you truly want to create in your life. Fortunately, unlike plants, you don't have to know everything before you get started. You can play with your imagination as you go along and makes changes until you have the clarity you need. What is it that lights you up, that makes your heart sing? What do you truly want? Is it a whole life makeover? Better relationships? Relocation to a beautiful place? Financial security? More freedom? Improved health and energy? So once you've decided on the basics, you are ready to plant the seed.

Plant the seed(s)

In your garden, you plant the seeds, the bulbs and the seedlings. With each seed planted, you intend and expect a healthy plant to mature. Typically you are excited and filled with anticipation of what will grow and how it will look.

Planting the seeds of your dreams is the same. Planting the seeds means to imagine in all its glory the creation of your dream, whatever it is. Create as many details as you can. Imagine the scene of your dream as if it was already in existence and with you in it. Run it like a 3-D movie in your head. Write about it in your journal. Write letters to the Universe. Tell all your friends that what you desire is on its way to you right now.

Nurture the young plants

Taking care of your young garden is part of the fun of having it. You look at it every day, watch for new shoots of plants, look to see what is growing and where. You see what needs water and if the plants are healthy or need more or less sun. Your attention and the sun, water and food give the plants their energy to thrive.

Your dream also requires energy to thrive. You nurture your dreams by focusing on them each day. Create a dream book with a 3 hole notebook and colored paper. Cut out pictures and words to represent your dream as you see it in your imagination. Write about your dream in detail. Use terms that describe the entire human experience of your dream such as how you feel, what you see, what sounds and smells are there, and anything else that adds to the "realness" of the experience. As you focus on your dream, what your dreams need to become real will become obvious to you. What actions should you take to help the dream come alive? The Universe will tell you if you only listen. Listen with your heart, your energy, your intuition.

Enjoy the garden.

As your garden grows, you gain enjoyment. Each new shoot, each gain in height or spread is a cause for pleasure. You continue to water and feed and protect as it grows. Even without the full maturity in the garden, you can see what is coming and enjoy the process of growing a garden. You can anticipate the full garden as it becomes what you envisioned. You appreciate the flowers, the trees, the shade and the ambience of the garden you have planted and nurtured.

You also enjoy your new life as your dream becomes reality. Each step of the way, as another piece falls into place, you can enjoy what has become and happily anticipate what is on the way. You can appreciate the dream unfolding before you. Even as you watch and enjoy, you continue to focus and give your dream your energy through your imagination and through your informed actions. Journal daily, keep a gratitude log, create a dream board or work in your dream book. all of this will feed your dreams as they come into reality.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Stuart Knight on Fear

Stuart Knight, one of my favorite motivational speakers, has a new video out on fear.

I strongly encourage you to watch his latest weekly video.

Watch Video At:http://www.decideshow.com/fears.html
and Stuart says: "I challenge you to grab the beautiful key and to use it. Choose something that you are afraid of doing, and do it. Open that door. I think you will love what you find on the other side."

California Dreamin'

I just spent a week at my brother and sister-in-law's home in southern California. They live in the mountains northeast of San Diego, an absolutely beautiful place. It was cold and dry, quite different from Houston's wet winters. We dined on my brother's accomplished Asian cooking. We watched a couple of Peter Wimsey mysteries and walked on the mountain. My brother and I even played an online game, Bespelled, together which was fun. It is very quiet and peaceful there, hawks soaring through the air, the wind in the trees. One of the things I love about going there is our conversations about everything and nothing. Here's a picture of the view from their place. I'm already looking forward to my next trip.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

From Hope To Freedom - A Short Movie

A friend and colleague of mine, James Smith, has a new video out that I think has a great message. James specializes in coaching services for "women survivors of abuse and their journey after the abuse. My recipe for change...Hope + Trust + Healing = Freedom...imagine, Your Life, Your Terms!" Check it out and visit his site.

To view the movie, click below...http://www.FromHopeToFreedom.com/2007/

To view the new and changing website...http://www.ALifeOfPossibility.com/2007/

Remember, if you're wanting to have an extraordinary2007, the blog and podcast are both a resource tohelp you stay on track. Blog: http://www.alofp.com/blog2007/
Podcast: http://www.alofp.com/pod2007/

A Little TLC

It's winter outside! The holidays are over, it's back to our regular routine. Are you taking care of yourself? Practice your kindness on YOU!

1. Take a long walk outdoors, in the rain, in the snow, in the woods or along the lake or seashore. Notice all the beautiful natural things around you. Breathe in the beauty and absorb the special qualities you can only receive when out of doors.

2. After your shower today, take the time to cover your entire body with lotion or cream. Be generous, use it everywhere. Spend a little extra effort rubbing it in, massaging your hands and feet. Yes, even the men out there could use a little nurturing of the skin. Notice how much more relaxed you feel after doing this.

3. Make yourself a cup of hot chocolate (or tea). Add a little cinnamon, use the best chocolate and add marshmallows. Serve it in your favorite, feel-good mug or your best china. Sit in front of a fire and just enjoy the sensations, smells, sounds, sights and taste. Relax.

4. Write a letter to someone from your past. Yes, an actual letter with paper and pen. Ask for forgiveness, share something about your life, or send thanks to them for being there. The result will be a lightening of your being. You will feel good.

5. Light candles or incense in whatever room you are in today. Choose your favorite scent. Notice the smell of your home or office and how good it makes you feel.

Be kind to yourself and you'll have more to give others.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

From Here to There: Why We Don't Go

Most of us have dreams. We have desires. We want to achieve things, leave a legacy. We want to be successful in love, successful in our careers, successful in life. We want to be a better person. We want a rich spiritual life. We want health and beauty. We want balance and serenity. Ultimately, we want to be happy and free.

So why don't more of us rush to do just those things? Why don't we set out on the direct path to our dreams? Why do we wallow in our misery, wring our hands and sit when we could be moving forward?

Do you have the will to go for what you want? Often we have an idea in our heads we want something, but don't have the will, the strong desire and motivation to go for it. Sometimes that means just "deciding" to do it. It's often the case that we don't do something because we never decide to. We dither; we get confused; we procrastinate. We may think, oh this will take too much work/effort/energy/money/time. Habit is a powerful force in our lives. It is our habit to live where we live, do what we do, eat what we eat, be around those we are around, choose our regular choices, etc. The "box" we live in is completely made of habit. It takes a stronger, more powerful desire to move us out of habit. If this is your reason for not succeeding at your dreams, decide now and draw upon your inner fortitude to set your will in the right direction. Drop the excuses.

Do you believe you are capable of succeeding? Maybe you have failed before. Or maybe you experience low self-esteem or low confidence. Or maybe you really don't have the skills and education needed for your dreams. If your dream is to run a million dollar company, that might seem overwhelming. You don't know how to do that yet. You don't know how to get there. But you can learn. You don't have to know right now how to run a million dollar company. You only have to know what to do today, keeping your goal in mind. As you take each step, work each day, the path will become clearer. You will learn things as you go along. Nothing you have to learn is beyond your ability. Really all you have to know is how to ask for help in learning what you need. Learning along the way in small steps, recognizing each success will go a long way toward giving you the confidence to succeed.

Do you believe you are worthy of your dreams? Hardly any of us sit around and say "I'm not worthy". It comes out in other, often more subtle ways. Did you ever think someone you met was "out of your league"? Has the thought "I'm not good enough to get that" ever crossed your mind? Do you ever think "Oh, that's for people who are a lot smarter than I'll ever be"? How about "I'm too fat, no one will ever listen to me."? Have you ever felt guilty when someone gives you an expensive gift? Have you ever gotten a raise you felt you didn't work hard enough for (didn't deserve)? These are all indications that you may not feel worthy of all the good and prosperity that is yours. Your worth comes from existing, not from anything you do. We often think we have to "work" for our goodies, but truly the good things in life, our dreams, our abundance are ours for the asking. Because we exist, because we breathe and are alive, we are worthy. No effort required.

Are you afraid? Fear is a powerful emotion. It can propel us forward and stop us in our tracks. And we can manifest fear for almost anything! Fear of repeating history. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being seen or noticed. Fear of being invisible. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Most people are fearful of the unknown and are often fearful of stepping outside their comfort zone. We catastrophize results when we visualize what may happen. We fantasize that we may not be able to handle whatever comes. But this is almost always faulty thinking. If you decide what you want and are able to take steps in that direction, the most likely outcome by far is that you will succeed. Think of all the things you have already accomplished. There are an incredible number. You did all that by deciding and taking action. You can feel fear and still move forward. You can feel fear and still be successful. Name your fear and get moving!


All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Struggling with Prosperity?

I teach the law of attraction in my workshops. The law of attraction is that like attracts like; you attract what you think and feel about. The one change that most people desire is more prosperity. Typically they want to have more money, be financially independent, to stop struggling with finances.

Many of us have been practicing the steps to attract more prosperity into our lives. We try to think less about the lack of money and more about what we already have and is coming our way. We practicing feeling more positive about money. We practice receiving and having gratitude for everything that comes our way.

I've found that three key areas trip people up when dreaming of prosperity.

1. We are unable to receive the riches that come our way, openly without negative emotions.
2. We do not truly believe that we can have wealth and financial independence (whatever that means to you).
3. We are spending more time thinking and feeling about the lack of money than about the abundance that is everywhere.

Here are a few tips to help you over these humps.

Receiving

Receiving is very easy for some of us and almost impossible for others. It all depends on your personality, your upbringing, your values...in other words, your limiting beliefs. Some of us have "rules" around receiving. We can receive some things but not others. We can receive in some situations, but not others. We can receive from some people, but not others. It is very helpful for you to analyze and explore what is keeping you from receiving.

I have found it helpful to keep a small notebook and simply make a note when I realize I am not receiving. Some times it is after the fact, sometimes before or during. Just write the situation down and what you were thinking or feeling when you accepted or rejected something offered. After a few days or weeks of this, look at your notes and see if there is a pattern. Can you identify an underlying belief that is hindering you from receiving? A common one is: I don't deserve it. Another is: I will be seen as needy or weak or inferior if I take this. Another might be: I am self-reliant; I don't need anyone to give me anything. Or possibly it's something totally different. What is it for you?

After you have identified what the underlying limiting belief is, you can start to counteract it by doing affirmations, journaling about it, doing art around it, doing a dream board showing you receiving, EFT or other techniques. Then practice receiving. Ask those who typically might give you something, to call you on it when you are not receiving openly, gladly and gratefully.

Beliefs About Money

A lot of us simply don't believe we can be rich. I see this in my workshops. When I ask what are your dreams, and ask them to be bold and think big. Someone will say "I want to make $1000 a month" or I want to have $20,000 in the bank to start a business. If one is dreaming, why not $100,000 a month and millions in the bank? Some of us have trouble even imagining it. We simply can't draw that picture in our heads. We get embarrassed, feel crummy, feel angry or sad, call it a silly exercise or greedy to want more. As long as you can't believe it, it will not come your way. We all have a money set point. It is the amount at which we feel totally comfortable. And we all have beliefs that frame the way we perceive and receive money.

Look at your current life finances. What is in the bank? What is your income? Look at this over time. Is your current situation the best you've ever had? The worst? About typical? Try to get an accurate picture of what your money set point is by looking at the most money you've ever made and had. How does this make you feel?

Challenge yourself to expand your setpoint by 25% this year. If you've never made more than $40,000 a year, challenge yourself to believe that you can make $50,000 this year. I'm not asking you to work harder or take a second job. I'm asking you to open up your thinking and feeling to accept and feel positive about a higher number. Play with it until you feel more comfortable. Play the "what if" game. What if you had $100,000 in the bank, how would you feel? Play with the numbers until you find an amount that makes you happy with no unease, embarrassment, and negative chatter in your mind. Then work on expanding it gradually, incrementally, a little at a time. Very few of us are able to jump from $1000 a month mentally to $1,000,000 a month.

Feeling Positive

And lastly, even though we've been practicing being more positive and feeling more positive, it may remain difficult to think and feel positive about money. Especially if you lack it and need it to live! Doing the step above about your money beliefs will help this. But ultimately you need to have more positive thoughts and feelings about money than negative. This comes about through focus, spending your time on exercises to make the change and on practice.

You can change your thought patterns with affirmations specifically focused on money and prosperity. You can change your thoughts and feelings by using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Journaling about money may help. Using trigger techniques such as: (1) having a large bill in your wallet at all times will reinforce in your mind that you DO have money or (2) leaving a few dollar bills around your house reinforces that money is everywhere. Even fake money works if it looks almost real. When you notice that you are feeling cranky and thinking lack-full thoughts about money, it works best to not fight or resist it. Simply acknowledge it and move to something else. Maybe think about the fun trip you are going to take in the summer or your favorite park or music. Whatever can get your body humming again. Keep practicing and the positive thoughts about money, abundance and prosperity will come more often.

Let me know if any of these ideas helped you. Are there any that you will try? Please leave a comment.


All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Wasabi Moments

If you're up to something a little different, watch this video of Stuart Knight talking about Wasabi Moments. It's fresh and fun, but more importantly, it's a message we all need. In fact, one of my themes for 2007 just became "Wasabi Moments, Here I Come!". (Warning: If you are offended by strong language and some irreverence, Stuart might not be the guy for you.)

****WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE

http://www.decideshow.com/wasabi.html

So are you ready to start living bigger, bolder? To step out of your comfort zone, your plush-lined box? Push the limits, lose control, experience the rush of exposure, of new experiences? What wasabi moments are you avoiding? Are you willing to add some discomfort, some risk, a some unsteadiness to have a much more "lived" life?

I'll be Happy When

It's the human condition. All of us look to things outside ourselves to make us happy. How often have you said to yourself, "I'll be so happy when I get that job!" or "I'll be happy when I have my own business." or "I'll be happy when I'm married to him." or so on. Another version of this is the "if only" version. If only I was rich, I'd be happy. If only I had a boyfriend, I'd be happy. If only I looked like her, I'd be happy. What's your version of this story?

Spend a few minutes right now writing down all the things that would make you happy.

Have you noticed how often we postpone our happiness? Waiting on something "out there" to make us happy? We are in a constant state of limbo, waiting on some condition, some situation to create happiness or contentment for us. Often when we get the thing we were waiting on to make us happy, one of two things happens. First you feel happiness, but it only lasts from a few moments to a few months, depending on the event and who you are. Or it doesn't bring you happiness at all...either you find fault with it (it wasn't perfect, it wasn't what you expected, etc.) or you discovered IT wasn't what would make you happy after all.

Have you ever salivated over a beautiful sweater or a new pair of shoes. Maybe you saw them on your lunch hour but the cost was too expensive. You go back to the store several times to lust after them. You get excited and want them so badly. Underlying this desire is a feeling that the clothing will bring you happiness. Somehow the clothing will make you look better, be better and cause people to be attracted to you which will bring you happiness. Have you ever then bought the item, the sweater or the shoes, only to find that the happy feeling went away after a few minutes or a day or two? All that anticipation, all that excitement, all that money, bought you two minutes of happiness.

What about living in your dream house? You may have spent years planning it, looking at models and blueprints, dreaming of the house that was perfect for you. You envisioned yourself in the house being happier, living a better life, somehow being a better person there. After you moved into your dream house, what happened? Most likely, you were thrilled with it for a few weeks, but after a year or so, it no longer contributed to your happiness. You might be happy with the house, but not happy. You may have liked living there, and are even pleased with the house, but you had moved on to other desires to bring you happiness.

Unfortunately, that is the way it works. When you look outside yourself for happiness, even if you are able to get what you want and be happy, it never lasts. It is temporary at best. We always have a new desire arise and this new desire is what will "finally" make us happy. Not only that, looking outside ourselves for happiness means we are constantly controlled by or under the power of those things outside ourselves. If it is our job that has to make us happy, then we must find and keep the job, no matter what. We may put up with long hours, a cranky boss, underutilizing our skills, being bored, etc. If it is a mate that has to make us happy, we are dependent on him or her. If he expresses love, we're happy. If he is angry, we're unhappy.

Meanwhile, life goes on. Life is what is happening to you right now. Life can only be lived right now. It cannot be lived tomorrow, nor yesterday, only right now. And it follows that happiness can only be felt and expressed right now. If we are always waiting for something to happen or someone to do something, we are postponing our happiness. Happiness is here and now and can never be anywhere else.

As long as happiness depends on outside events, people and situations, you will live with unhappiness. Just as soon as you get rich, your husband leaves you. As soon as you find love, your health will decline. Your health gets better, and the stock market falls or you lose your job. The house you love gets termites. You get wrinkles. Your wife cheats on you. Well, you get the idea.

So where does that leave us? Happiness is chosen by you for yourself. It is a lifestyle choice, not an event or a person or a situation. The only true happiness, the only lasting happiness is that which you create for yourself from within yourself.

How does this happen? It happens when you understand and honor that you are the only person who can make you happy. (No more blaming others for your unhappiness.) It happens when you choose happiness over boredom, despair, crankiness, anger and sadness. It happens by the choices you make day in and day out. It happens when you choose to overcome your old patterns and limiting beliefs, things inside yourself that contribute to your misery. It happens when you nurture yourself, your mind, your body and your spirit. It happens by creating your own happiness in each and every moment.

Now saying this does not mean you just live with whatever cards you are dealt. You still go on trying to make your life better. You get educated. You try to find a career that pays you well and stimulates your intellect and passions. You love and are loved. You improve your friendships. You choose healthy activities and food. I'm not implying that you don't strive to have a good life. I'm saying that those things alone will not make you happy. They may contribute to your sense of well-being, but will not result in lasting happiness.

My challenge to you: don't believe me, try it out for yourself. Notice the happiness roller coaster most of us live on. We want something to make us happy, we get it, we are happy, we get unhappy, we want something else to make us happy, and so on. Then start to notice how often when we are happy, it has nothing to do with anything outside ourselves. We wake up happy one day and it lasts all day even when several "bad" things happen. If you can do it one day, you can do it every day. Start to practice. See what happens for yourself.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's Off to Work We Go

Have you ever noticed how often we use the word "work"? The dictionary defines work as : "exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil; task or undertaking; productive or operative activity and so on. But in real life, it has acquired a somewhat negative connotation. When a friend was recently complaining about his work, another friend said "that's why they call it work!"

We talk about "working" on our relationships, "working" on our personal growth, "working a goal", "working" on our spirituality, "working" on issues, "working" on planning a vacation, etc. We work in all areas of our lives, we apply ourselves, we toil.

Language is very important in how we view the world. It makes a big difference in our attitudes, our perceptions, and our world-view. Listen carefully to how people speak about their lives, how they use what words, and you'll get a much deeper understanding of who they are and what world they live in. For our own use, choosing different words can make a huge shift in our perception of the world, an activity, a relationship or any other activity. So noticing our language and using more appropriate language can actually change the way we think and feel about something.

I would like to propose that we change the word work to something else, something with a more positive slant. How about "play" or "experiment with" or "have fun with" or "explore" or "discover"? Each of these can be used interchangeably. What if we had fun with our relationships? What if we discovered our spirituality? What if we played with solving a problem? Doesn't that feel different? Doesn't that generate a different attitude, a different, more positive energy?

Let's see how we could use this new concept of "work".

1. Invite your team to play together rather than to work together.
2. Invite your mate to experiment with your relationship, rather than to work on your relationship.
3. Ask for others to explore with you rather than to work with you.
4. When planning a vacation or a new home or a new job, how about having fun with it instead of working on it.
5. Instead of working on body image, how about discovering body image?

What words can you think of to replace the word "work"? How can you use them to make shifts in your perception and energy?


All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Winning the Hard Way or the Easy Way?

Back in 1979 a group of researchers decided to study the effect of goal setting. They interviewed Harvard MBA graduates, asking a simple question, “Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?” It turned out that only 3% of graduates had written goals and plans. 13% had goals, but they weren’t in writing. 84% had no specific goals at all.

Ten years later they interviewed the class again. They found that the 13% who had goals, but were not in writing, were earning twice as much as the 84% of students who had no goals at all. But that's not the most astounding data. They found that the 3% of graduates who had clear, written goals when they left Harvard were earning, on average, 10 TIMES as much as the other 97% of graduates all together. The only significant difference was the clarity of their goals when they started out.

Many other studies since then have shown the same amazing results.

Whatever the reason for not setting goals, it is one of the reasons we have not discovered our own greatness and don’t have the life we so richly deserve.

Traditional goal setting will get you what you want (mostly) but absolutely counts on you working smartly and hard. I like to win the easy way with less effort and more ease. How about you?

Let's compare the "old way" of setting and accomplishing goals (hard work, lots of effort) and the "quantum" way of setting and accomplishing goals (ease, heart-based action).

Many of you are familiar with the SMART way of setting goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and tangible or timely)? It has been used by businesses for decades and is often used in personal goals classes. I believe that using this method sets you up to live in your head and to work hard. Live in your head and work hard! Is that what we all want? I propose that these two things are the opposite of where we want to be: living in your heart and succeeding or achieving your dreams with ease. Before I compare the traditional ways with the quantum way, what is the quantum way?

Quantum goal setting (one of my workshops) is based on the law of attraction or the power of intention, if you are more familiar with that term. It is to set bold big goals or dreams, to set into motion your own energy through thoughts and emotions so that this goal will be achieved using inspired action with ease. What makes it different from just following the law of attraction is that it provides a structure for clearly laying out goals, taking inspired action, overcoming obstacles and measuring success. It gives you all the tools necessary to achieve whatever you desire.

Specific: Being specific about your goal can be useful. In the quantum way, being specific can aid you in amping up your energy around the goal. But it may work against you in timeliness. That is the less specific, the faster it will happen. The results will be no less satisfying because they depend on your thoughts and emotions.
Measurable: This is another way of saying, how will you know when you’ve accomplished your goal. In quantum, you will know by whether it matches your vision and whether you are happy or satisfied with the outcome. Even if you can’t objectively measure it.
Attainable: The only limitation to what you can achieve is what you believe. If you believe you can own the world’s largest corporation, you can. If you believe you can be a ballet dancer at age 70, you can. If you believe you can be in a wonderful, loving relationship even though you never have been before, you can. Using your head alone, you may not see these as attainable depending on your situation. However, if you do not believe that something is attainable, work on the belief.
Realistic: Another way of saying attainable. Anything you can dream of you can achieve. Many would say that is not realistic.
Tangible and Timely: Again we differ significantly here. Quantum goal setting can be used for such inner intangibles as having more kindness in your life, being courageous, or being more beautiful. And setting a time limit goes against the idea of letting go and allowing the Universe to work its miracles for you. Although time limits can be used.

The Law of Attraction
Are you all familiar with the law of attraction? In brief:
a. It is the way everything is created, including everything in your current life.
b. Like attracts like energetically-speaking. What that means is that the thoughts and emotions you live in attract more of the same.
c. This is based on physics and there is lots of supporting evidence for this.
d. Universe or God if you choose the term, can never fail to give you what you are requesting through your energy, that is, your thoughts and emotions.

Phrase your desires:
As if it has already happened.
In the present.
As specific as you desire it to be.
Instead of being practical or realistic, be bold and dream big.
Look inside, what is it you REALLY want?

TIPS
A few tips to help you get started and on your way to achieving your dreams.
e. Create a physical representation of your dreams. This can be a written description, a drawing, pictures on a poster board, a collage, etc. Find a way to make it “real”.
f. Push yourself to dream as big and bold as you can. Stretch outside your comfort zone. They must still be believable by you.
g. Share your dreams with supportive people ONLY. Don’t open yourself up to negative remarks by sharing with those who you know will not support you.
h. Partner with a friend or family member or group to learn more and practice this process. Get reinforcement.
i. Visit my website and take my free monthly newsletter (http://www.lifeunfolds.com/news.htm)
j. Read books about living your dreams and the law of attraction. Some suggested books are at my website http://www.lifeunfolds.com/books.htm.
k. Celebrate even the smallest steps as you move forward.
l. Have and feel gratitude for everything you have and that is coming to you as we speak.







Copyright 2006 by Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, all rights reserved.

My New Year's Gift to You

I'm feeling especially grateful for my business and for all of you being a part of my life. I'd like to invite you to join me in celebration of the New Year and all the joy and prosperity it will bring to us.

Just as life unfolds in unexpected ways, my free gifts to you will unfold in useful, surprising ways. Each day starting on January 1st through January 7th you will receive a gift via e-mail from Life Unfolds. That's a whole week to celebrate the new year and to get ready for your best year ever.

Each gift will be something you can use, something that will help you create and live a life that matters and to help you live with more joy and peace. Each gift is completely free, nothing to buy, no hidden agenda...just gifts for you.

Thanks for being a part of our community!

To sign up, go to http://www.lifeunfolds.com/newyeargifts.htm.

Wishing you the very best year ever,

Mary Anne

Movie: The Secret

If you haven't seen the movie about the law of attraction, The Secret, you can see it now online for free. Here's the link:

http://www.thescienceofgettingrich.biz/

This site now has the full version of this movie as of 1/15/07.



You might also check ebay.com and half.com.

Holiday Gathering

Left: Here's my 3 year old grandson opening his presents. He's off to Illinois to visit his other grandparents so we had ours early. Ah, what a joyous time he had. And the one on the right is his staged Xmas picture for 2006. He's cute both ways.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Slip Sliding Away

Time...slip sliding away. Time is precious. We do not know how much time we have here to live our lives, to love our families, to achieve our goals. This is part of what makes it so precious.

Often we hear inspiring stories about survivors of a natural disaster or a plane crash or even cancer. Many seem to look at life in a different way when they have a close brush with death. They begin to see what is truly important in their lives. They begin to appreciate the small, simple things in their lives. They strive to laugh more, love more and spend more time, energy and money on what really matters.

It is a real tragedy that we don't appreciate what we have until we come close to losing it or actually lose it. One thing I know for sure is that this life we have is impermanent. The person you read about in the newspaper today who died in a car wreck did not expect it. They were out Christmas shopping or taking the kids to school. They thought they had many more years to live, to improve their lives, to get what they wanted. Life is precious and the end is often sooner than we wish. Regardless of your beliefs about the afterlife, this life is yours right now. It can be happy and fulfilling or it can be miserable and bleak. Truthfully, the choice is yours.

We all blame our circumstances for our happiness or lack of it. But the truth is you can be happy right now no matter what your situation. Simply by choosing to be. We do live, as the saying goes, as if this was a dress rehearsal rather than the real thing. We put off things we know would improve our lives. We postpone actions we know will change our lives because we are waiting for the perfect time or the perfect circumstance. Sometimes this is because of fear or lack of self-confidence. But the only way to make change is to act. One of my clients asked me recently, what is the fastest way to get unstuck. The truth is the easiest way is to move, to act, to take one small step in any direction right now. One step leads to another and another. Before you know it, you're not stuck any more.

I have very wealthy clients and clients on the financial edge. Both can be extremely happy with their finances and both can be miserable. Often the problems are exactly the same, just one of scale. Because the money issue is not about money, but about our own connections, interpretations, beliefs, values and actions. The same can be true of almost any area that typically "causes" unhappiness. We tend to think that when we have (money, love, children, career, home, etc.), we will be happy. But when you get (money, love, children, career, home, etc.), it is replaced with something else (money, love, children, career, home, etc.) as a source for your happiness. We, as humans, never seem to be satisfied. All this means is that happiness cannot be gained by things outside yourself. Happiness comes from within, always. Any thing else is temporary, soon lost on the next wave of desire.

If you feel complacent about your life or feel stuck, here are a few questions to get you motivated.

1. If you were to die tomorrow, what three things would you regret the most, both things you have done and wish you hadn't and things you did not do, but wish you had?

2. If money were no object, what would you wish for the most?

3. If there were no one to judge you, what would you differently with your life?

4. If you had only two more years to live, how would you spend your time?

5. What were your dreams when you were young? Do these things still light you up?

6. What area of your life are you most stuck in? What is one small step that you can do right now to get moving again?

One of my favorite sayings is "Life is short and getting shorter!" Do one thing for yourself today to make your life happier and more satisfying. After all, life is short and getting shorter.

To see the short movie, One More Hour, go here...http://www.inspirationalentertainment.com/1morehr/


All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Step Outside Yourself

The holidays can be wonderful, filled with love, family, gifts, beauty. They can also be very hard, sorrowful, lonely, empty. Hopefully, yours are the former and not the latter.

If you look around you, I believe you will find those for whom the holidays are a particularly hard time of year. Maybe it is a neighbor or a co-worker. It may be one of your friends or acquaintances or even someone in your family. It could even be a stranger, but someone who you just know is having a bad time. It may be someone who has been having a bad year, lost a spouse, is ill, or lost a job. Or it could be someone who has just had a bad life, always suffering with one mishap after another.

If you have a good life then share it with others. If you are happy, you probably have some excess in resources, in love, in generosity, that you can use to make someone else's life a little happier. Below are some ideas to generally spread a little holiday cheer.

1. Call someone whom you know is lonely and have a 15 minute conversation with them. Allow them to talk as much as they wish, but be prepared to carry the conversation ball.

2. Even if you do not send out holiday cards, pick five people who you think may need a little extra cheer this year (because of illness, loneliness, divorce, death, job loss) and send them a personal holiday greeting.

3. Bake (or buy) cookies for the one neighbor you feel could use a little help with the holidays.

4. Offer to babysit for one evening or one Saturday for a working single mom who may be struggling.

5. Have extra books or CDs that you no longer want? Leave them at bus stops throughout your neighborhood for strangers to take. It is like an early Christmas for some. You can also leave in hotel rooms, on the train or bus, or in public bathrooms.

6. Visit someone in the hospital at least once during the holidays. Take a book or candy or flowers. If you don't know anyone who is there, send your extra magazines and books to be given to patients.

7. Do an act of random kindness. If you're in line at the grocery store and see someone who may need help, pay for their groceries. Or if that is out of the question for you, help put their groceries on the conveyor or in the car. See someone waiting for a cab to take their groceries home? Offer them a ride (if safe).

8. Write a letter to someone in your family or a close friend who may need some cheering up. It doesn't have to be long but you may want to include pictures or a newspaper or magazine clipping that would interest them.

9. Invite someone who is lonely to share a holiday event with you. Pay for their ticket if it costs. This could be a "lights in the park", or a concert at a church or music hall, a dinner or a party. If you're thinking, but I don't know if I really like them or want to spend that much time with them, remember this one time it is not about you, it is about them. Giving them companionship and the chance to get out and enjoy themselves.

10. If you have a neighbor who needs a little extra help, buy a gift for them and leave it anonymously on their doorstep. Try to make it something that would bring them a moment of joy or pleasure.

11. Choose one child who needs some extra help and give, give, give! Whether it is time or material goods, clothes, reading tutoring, attention or hugs. Just give.

The amazing thing about this is not only are you sharing your own bounty with others, but the result is you also will feel better and more worthwhile. Give with your heart and it is even more significant.

Do you have your own ideas of how to step outside yourself during the holidays? Please leave a comment.

Eradicate the Holiday Blues

Do you get the blues at the big holidays like Christmas or New Year's? Many of us do. Part of it is caused by stress and unhealthy behavior (too much rich food, alcohol, burning the candle at both ends) and part by our expectations. We look at Christmas through our childhood memories, somehow expecting that our adult Christmases will invoke the same anticipation, excitement and warmth as those of our childhood. Television, commercials and movies reinforce the idea that the holidays are overflowing with joy, love and fun. We believe these holidays are supposed to be filled with good times, fabulous friends, lots of parties and a warm loving family. Most of us have these at one time or another, but not consistently for a month at a time, somehow all converging on this one time of the year, just because it is a holiday. Everyone is busy at this time of year. Everyone is feeling more stress, less energy. And lots of your friends and family are also feeling the blues right now.

So where does this leave us? How can we have more joy, feel better and enjoy rather than dread the holidays?

First, simplify, simplify, simplify. What can you do less of and enjoy more?
1. Cut down on the number of invitations you accept. Only accept those you absolutely know you will enjoy. No "obligation" parties this year. Say no and then no again.
2. Do away with your own entertaining unless it is the highlight of your year. Or do a much simpler kind of entertaining, a potluck or an open house. A friend of mine held a breakfast potluck in the park on Christmas Eve last year. It was so much fun. She didn't have to clean or buy decorations or dress up. She just had to write some emails and bake one breakfast goodie. Some brought bikes to ride, others just came and sat or walked. Many brought their dogs.
3. Cut down on the number of gifts you give, especially those you give out of obligation only. I have done this gradually through the years and now only give a few gifts, all handmade, because that gives me a lot of satisfaction and joy. Giving fewer gifts cuts down on worrying, listmaking, shopping, parking, driving, returning, wrapping, storing, and carting around time and energy.
4. Also reduce the number of places you go during the holidays. When my son was little, he had four sets of grandparents (due to divorces). He was the only grandson and all lived within 30 miles of us. Each year we went to all of these on either Xmas Eve or Xmas day. It was too much for all of us, but at that time we didn't know how to extricate ourselves. We could have invited them all to our house for one celebration or spread it out over several weeks or even split across years.
5. Send no cards out. Reduce your list. Or send out e-cards, much easier than snail mail cards. You can even use a greeting card service where the cards are addressed and sent out for you for a fee.
6. Decorate less. Unless decorating your home gives you a lot of pleasure, cut back or eliminate the decorating. Will one wreath do instead of six? I heard someone talking the other day about putting a tree up in each room of her house. And yes, she was exhausted. Can you cut back even a little on decorating?

Pay attention to your healthy habits. At this time of year, it is so easy to forget our health. We stop exercising and eat copious amounts of rich, fatty food. And many of us do this for a month or more. After all, it is a holiday "season". We often don't get enough sleep because of stress, busy-ness, and socializing. The good news is you are in control of these factors.
1. If you're going to indulge in rich food and more alcohol than usual, limit it to only a few times, not several times every week. Limit your intake of fat to only the dessert. Choose to drink only one or two drinks at any given party. If you're giving your own party, have a few healthy choices for party goers. If you're taking something to a party, take something healthy you can eat yourself. It will help to eat a healthy snack or meal before going to a party. You will indulge less.
2. Make a commitment to yourself that you will get at least seven or eight hours of sleep at least six days a week during the holidays. You'll feel so much better and have more energy and reserves.
3. Exercise. Take the stairs, go on the morning or evening walk before the party. You know you'll feel better if you do.

Combat loneliness and isolation. For some of us the problem is not too much, but too little. Our families may live far away. We may have just moved. Maybe we're between friends. We may be feeling lonely and uncared for. Again, this is in your control to a large extent.
1. If you can't travel to see your family, invite them to you. If that is not feasible, then make sure you have lots of contact with them throughout the holidays. Call them on the major holidays. Ask them to send you a video of the family all together for the holidays.
2. Visit a relative who lives closer to you, maybe a cousin or an aunt and uncle. It may even be someone you are not particularly close to. It is still family and you may be surprised at how well this satisfies that longing for family.
3. If you are not invited to a lot of parties, make your own. You can host a potluck party for all your friends who also live away from families. Or host an open house which usually gives you more time to visit with the attendees.
4. Attend organization events. Most towns and cities have parades, city-wide celebrations such as lighting the town hall tree, club events such as Sierra Club, church or temple events, etc. Get out and be with people. You will feel better even when you don't know them.
5. Call your phone list and make lunch or breakfast plans. Renew old friendships and start new ones.

Create your own traditions. Sometimes our sadness is caused by clinging to old traditions, those of our childhood, our ex-in-laws, our previous stage in life. Our situations in life change and our traditions must change also. As we get older, what served when our children were little, no longer serves when they live in another state (or country!). Mostly we unconsciously cling to these traditions and then are sad when things don't have that same glow as they did before. So this year, begin to create your own traditions, some that are more suited to where you are today. Adjust or start over, whatever serves you best. Don't be afraid to try something new and to take care of your needs first.

Do you have other suggestions on how to combat the holiday blues? Please leave a comment.

Attracting Abundance

I have found that your attitude, a combination of thoughts and emotions, can directly lead to more abundance and prosperity in your life. One of the easiest ways to see this in your own life is with money. If you think you don't have enough money, you feel anxious, disappointed, even fearful. Your body will be tense, energy will stop flowing, your life moves in fits and starts, instead of freely and with ease. But start to think and feel that you have everything you need, that money flows easily to you, that you have enough, and your body relaxes, your life moves more smoothly and you'll generally be happier. So how do you make this change when you "really don't have enough money"? The attitude comes BEFORE the change, not the other way around. For example, you think I'll be happy when I have more money (or when I'm rich). But the truth is that when you are happy, you'll have more money (or be rich). This is a huge difference!

So here are some ways to jumpstart your positive attitude around money to get that positive flow going your way!

1. Post a $20 or $100 bill (whatever you can easily do right now) near where you work or even on your bathroom mirror. Leave money around your house where you can easily see it. Keep bills on the refrigerator, by the phone(s), on your closet door. Keep at least $20 in your wallet at all times. The idea here is to see that you already have money, plenty of it. You have money laying around your house and you see it all the time. Seeing it is believing it. When you see it, your reaction will be "I have money" or "There's money everywhere!" or "It feels great to have money." Move it around to keep it fresh. I keep a fake $1,000,000 bill in my wallet and every time I open my wallet, I say to myself, "I have plenty of money." And, I do! Leaving money around will help you to see that, first, it is only money, and second that it is easy to have it around you, and third, that you have plenty.

2. Appreciate the money you receive. When my hairdresser receives a tip, he kisses the money and says a short prayer of gratitude, every time. When you find a penny or a dime on the ground, do you pick it up? Or do you feel a rush of excitement for the money that is coming your way? Hint: choose the excitement and pick it up! If you pass it by, your message is you don't want money. Every bit of money that flows into your life must be noticed and appreciated. This is a surefire way to generate an increased flow of money to you.

3. Have your money send you a message. Take the largest bill you can afford ($20 or $50 or $100) and write a message to yourself on it. Post it near your desk or on the bathroom mirror or in your car, wherever you can see the message often. Here are some things you might write: "I love Mary Anne", "Money flows to me always", "I see money and it's only money", "I'm on my way to you right now", "I flow easily to Mary Anne", "Money comes easily to Mary Anne always", etc. Well, you get the idea. Pick the phrase that makes you feel buzzed or lighter. Write several. And yes, you can still spend the money when you desire. It doesn't damage the bills.

4. Write yourself a check from the Universe (or God). Take a check out of your checkbook or make one on your computer. Write a large check to yourself from "The Universe". Date it in the future, using a date you feel comfortable using. For example, if your check is for $10,000, do you feel comfortable using a date next week, next month, six months from now or a year from now? It needs to be plausible to you. This is not imaginary, you're putting in your order! Carry the check in your wallet and carry it with you. When you see it, just think, I get to cash this check soon.

I hope you find these ideas exciting and will give them a try. After all, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Leave me a comment with your results.

2.

Got Passion?

We hear so much about identifying our passions. Or following your bliss, so to speak. This may be a vocation which excites you, or a lifestyle, or a hobby. From experience, I can say that having passions makes life better. Most people do not identify their passions by "figuring them out" in their head. They feel them in their hearts and bodies, in their emotions. A passion grabs you, keeps you interested, may make you lose track of time, and keeps you coming back for more. Passions are not always comfortable; ask any artist who struggles with their expression of their art. But it makes life worth living.

Specifically, how do passionate pursuits benefit you and your life?

1. Our short time on this Earth is well spent, as opposed to squandered on useless or harmful activities. We feel richer, stronger, braver, more fulfilled with a passionate activity.

2. We feel increased satisfaction, joy, and happiness when spending our time on our passions. We spend time anticipating the activity, enjoy the activity while doing it and feel satisfaction after completing it.

3. Often our passions turn into our legacy. What we do with passion is usually done well. Sometimes these result in a strong statement about your life and how you lived.

4. Living a passionate life often leads to less stress and more harmony. Being engaged in these activities brings us more energy, less anxiety and depression, often a sense of the spiritual, and makes us generally happier.

5. We are more interesting to ourselves and others. When we do something we love to do, we have a deep and abiding interest in something. We usually like to talk about it with others, both to share our knowledge and to learn more about it. It may deepen our sense of friendship, community and our place in the world.

6. Following your bliss can help you to live a longer and healthier life. Being engaged in a passion is one of the factors found to help lengthen your life and to support your health.

7. You become more centered in who you really are (underneath all the masks). Pursuing your passions is one of the best ways to express your true self. If you feel deeply about an activity, it usually means that it comes from your spirit or your heart. Just the act of following your passion can help you to understand your own desires and strengths and challenges. Self-awareness can lead to a more satisfying life and relationships.

8. Passions can be a way of "getting a life". Many of us live a shallow, unengaged life, just going through the motions. Discovering your passions can lead you to feel engaged and more whole, a part of things, a contributor to life instead of a consumer of life.

9. Doing what you love creates a sense of accomplishment. Accomplishing what you set out to do can increase your self-esteem, make you feel better about yourself and generally help with confidence in your abilities. Who doesn't need that?

So make your 2007 goal one of discovering at least one new passion for yourself. Get engaged, try new things, follow your curiosity, or seize on one of the opportunities offered you. If you need help with discovering your passions, I can help through my coaching and workshops. Contact me at maf@lifeunfolds.com.

Your Personal Ecology

In his book, Retire Early and Live the Life You Want Now, John F. Wasik introduces the concept of a personal ecology. He asserts that you can find a new prosperity by balancing your personal ecology. So what is a personal ecology? Wasik states:

"Ecology is a beautiful word that is all about relationships. It shares the root word oikos with economy, which is from the classic Greek meaning household. A figurative translation is keeping your house is order. Physicist Fritjof Capra has an even broader definition that calls ecology "the study of the relationships that link all members of the Earth Household". That lofty idea doesn't exclusively refer to the place in which you live, however. It refers to the life energy you spend in working, commuting, relaxing, family time, playing, worshiping, or any other activity you can name. The relationships to these different "rooms" of our lives are interdependent. None can exist independently."

So your personal ecology is about the relationships between all your activities and people and places and things and how they combine to create you as a whole person. These affect in a positive or negative way your thoughts and feelings and your physical body, your whole person, your life.

We talk a lot about Earth's ecology or the ecology of a particular natural resource, such as a river's ecology or a prairie's ecology. But what about your own personal ecology? What are you doing to make sure it is healthy, thriving, balanced, and nurturing? This requires stepping back and looking at the big picture of your life. It is difficult, if not impossible, to understand our personal ecology when mired in the daily grind or the details of our problems and issues. Wasik contends that without this big picture view and attention you can never achieve true prosperity. Just as a prairie or a forest or a river needs a balance of nutrients, rain, sunlight, microorganisms, animals, plants, etc. to remain healthy and viable, so do you need a balance of nurturing and challenging physical, mental, emotional and spiritual activities. Your life can be out of balance, just like that river or the swamp or the prairie, by having too much or too little in any area of your life. The good news is that you have control over your personal ecology, unlike a river!

Wasik's Principles of Personal Ecology include:

1. "We can balance our lives." The relationships between ourselves and our work, our leisure, our family, our fiends, community, our spiritual lives, our health and everything else can be brought into harmony and balance. Take out a pencil and paper and draw a picture of your life. You can use diagrams or a pie chart or symbols, whatever is meaningful to you. What do you see in this picture? Is everything included? Is anything out of balance, too large or too small? Are you happy with where your attention is going?

2. "Money can be used to propel our dreams." Attending to money is attending to our life energy. Money represents our life energy. Where and how you earn and utilize it can tell you a lot about the health of your personal ecology. Money has tremendous power in this world and in our lives. Is this area of your life weak and ineffective or is it robust and full of vitality?

3. "Work can be redefined and help us reach our goals". Work can be defined as any productive activity, whether paid or not paid for. Rebalancing work can include how much time you spend doing it, how much focus you put on your work, and whether work brings you satisfaction or dissatisfaction. What work are you doing? Is it interesting to you? Do you like to do it? Is there something you can do to bring in more satisfaction? Do you have interesting work outside of "paid" work? Hobbies? Other interests?

4. "Personal growth will make much of the struggle easier." Personal growth is an admirable life activity. One that brings tremendous rewards in the form of an easier life, happier relationships, clarity and authenticity. Personal growth can include both inner psychological and spiritual work and "outer" work such as learning new skills and behaviors or becoming more educated. Personal growth is a lifelong activity, not just for your "college" years or your work years.

Because his book is about early retirement, his principles focus on work. But this concept can be expanded to include your entire life such as community, family, friendships, spiritual work, psychological growth, physical health, mental health and growth, emotional health, home, hobbies, works of service, etc. What does your personal ecology include now and what would you like it to include? A personal ecology does not expect that all areas are equal, but that they are balanced so that you have more of what you want and need and less of what you do not want and need. For example, maybe you are spending too much time and energy on work and not enough on your family. Or possibly you are spending too much time on the sofa and not enough at exercise or play. It is YOUR personal ecology and the end result will be health, balance, happiness, and more energy and vitality.

What steps can you take today to begin the rebalancing necessary to make your ecology healthy, thriving, productive and vital? Remember, small steps count!

Music to Move the Stars

Here's my new favorite music CD. If you go to the site below, you can even listen to the songs. It's called Spanish Dances performed by the Harp Consort. The CD has selections from Luz Y Norte composed by Lucas Ruiz de Ribayaz y Foncea in 1677 in Madrid, Spain. It's classical baroque, but unusual. Instruments played include the guitar, harps, organ, lute, archlute, banduria, theorbo, viola da gamba, lira, percussion and harpsicord. It's very stirring and beautiful. To listen to the songs, look near the bottom of the page where it says "listen to samples".

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The Speed of Life

Are you living in the fast lane? Is your life speeding by and you're wondering why?

It's all about choices. Life is not inherently fast, we make it so. Life is meant to be experienced, felt, enjoyed and understood. When your life slows down, you have time to reflect, time to enjoy, time to choose wisely, time to relate, time to think. When your life is fast, you miss so much of what makes life worth living: our families, our friends, our interests, our purpose, our spirituality, our community. You make mistakes because there is not enough time for analyzing or judging. You just jump in, thinking that you don't have time. Many folks report they don't have a clue about what they want to be when they "grow up" or what their dreams are. It's no wonder! When do we have time to sit and reflect upon our lives, our choices, our desires.

We usually just go with the program already set up. We get up, go to to work, come home, fix dinner, eat, go to bed. And in among all that is studying, cleaning, paying bills, caring for our children and grandchildren, working on relationships, volunteering, hobbies, etc. If major changes occur such as relocation or a career change, it is usually due to circumstances (not choices) or extreme unhappiness, the kind we can't ignore any more. Often crises occur because we are too out of tune with our own feelings and bodies to know we are in trouble. We wait until we become seriously ill (mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually) and finally comes to our notice. Then we must make a change. This is no way to live. We are choosing by default, rather than consciously and wisely.

So how do we slow down? Just start now.

1. Make one day a week a "no-work" day. That means no cleaning, no chores, no reading for work, no working on relationships, no work. Spend this day relaxing, seeking pleasure, reflecting or playing.

2. Say no more often. Notice I said, more often, not exclusively. When asked to work overtime, say no. When asked to volunteer for one more thing you're not passionate about, say no. When asked for a favor and it's not something you want to do, say no.

3. Change your traditions. Holidays can be extremely stressful and busy. Eat out on Thanksgiving or have a potluck. Have a non-traditional meal, one that takes less effort and planning. Go to someone else's home. Have a smaller tree or no tree for Christmas. Cut back on the decorating and partying, unless you truly love doing it. Don't do the traditional Halloween excess. Create new traditions that are easier on you.

4. Build into your daily calendar time for thought and reflection or meditation. Make an appointment with yourself to slow down. Or give yourself at least a half hour every day of free time to do nothing. Sit and look out your window or take a stroll outside.

5. Really look at why you feel the need to be so busy. Sometimes busy-ness is a way of avoiding our feelings. If you feel very uncomfortable when you take time out or are one of those folks who "must" stay busy, examine this. You are robbed of your choices, if you can't sit down and be alone comfortably.

6. Simplify your life. Every aspect of your life can be simplified: clothing, cleaning, home, career, school, finances, child care, beauty care, etc. Look for ways to reduce the amount of effort you spend in doing anything and everything. You can literally save hours a day by simplifying. Start small, choose something today to do easier and more simply.

Please leave a comment if this was helpful.

Seize the Day

I found this article by Paul Farrell inspiring and energizing. Hope you do, too! It's actually about retiring early, but so much more.


http://www.geocities.com/TheTropics/Shores/5315/paulfarrell.htm

It's All in the Perspective

My three year old grandson visited me yesterday. As we were out running around, we turned down a street that has speed bumps. I really dislike speed bumps. I always feel like my car is being torn up and, of course, it slows me down.

As we drove down the street and went over a speed bump, I hear the gleeful sound "Wheeeee!!" coming from the back seat. The grandson was having a ball going over the speed bumps. It's all in the perspective.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Can You Retire Early?

Here's a few websites about retiring early that you might find useful and interesting.

retireearlylifestyle.com
(written by a couple who retired at age 38 with $500k and live on 24k a year, traveling around the world, with a home base in Arizona, very inspiring and practical)

early-retirement.org/
(has great financial calculators and early retirement forums)

www.retireearlyhomepage.com/
(everything early retirement!, forums, calculators, white papers, reports, etc.)

raddr-pages.com/
(research topics for financial management)

raddr-pages.com/forums (early retirees forum)

http://www.simpleliving.net/main/
(all about simple living including Your Money or Your Life, a program to get you to financial independence)

Are You Grateful?

Each and every day we have a thousand opportunities to be grateful. We even know this is good for us and good for the world. But do we practice it? Typically we wake up and eat breakfast, drive to work, work all day, come home, watch TV or read, go to bed to sleep and start all over again. Not one bit of gratitude felt or expressed.

I call gratitude (or appreciation) the base-note of the Universe. It is the feeling tone that we must aspire to. Gratitude felt and expressed tells the Universe I WANT MORE! Being grateful for kindnesses, for plenty, for love, for goodness is the way of ordering up more of it. The more grateful you are, the more riches you'll have in your life.

So what can you be grateful for today? How about:
1. I wake up! (think of the alternative)
2. I have a roof over my head, a beautiful one at that.
3. I am healthy and can get out of bed.
4. I have food for breakfast, chosen by me from my plentiful grocery near my house.
5. I have a great car that gets me to my workplace with air conditioning.
6. I thank the man who let me merge into traffic this morning.
7. I have a job.
8. I work in a place that values my skills.
9. I get a paycheck that pays my bills and then some.
10. I appreciate the security guard who opens the door for me each morning.
11. My office is clean because someone cleaned it overnight.
12. I love elevators and automatic doors.
13. I have family who loves me.
14. I have the tools necessary to do my job, computers, paper, pens, lighting, a desk, a comfortable chair, training.
15. I have a boss who does her job so that I can do mine.
16. I have an assistant and co-workers who do their jobs so I can do mine.

I think you are getting the idea, that there are literally dozens of opportunities for us all to feel and express gratitude each and every day. Try to bring some awareness into your day about how much you have to be grateful for, not just things, but people, events, places. Express your gratitude out loud and frequently. The Universe is listening and waiting for your orders.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

What Are You Settling For?

What are you settling for? What are you just tolerating in your life? How did your expectations for happiness and joy get so diminished? As youngsters, we lived life as if we had a tiger by the tail. We wanted things and we went after them. We fully expected great things to be ours. We thought we could be and do anything. You can see this with a young child: simply ask them what they want to be when they grow up? Even a child in a poor environment with uneducated parents might say "an astronaut" or "a doctor". As we grow older, reality seeps in. We are faced with obstacles and our own limitations.

By the time we are in our thirties or forties, we may have stopped expecting anything more than what we have. We've let ourselves be boxed in, whipped by life and events, seemingly out of our control. Many of us are caretakers, never getting what we need, only meeting others' needs. Some of us lack self-confidence and believe we are not worthy of more. Some of us lack the energy, drive, ambition or time to seek more. Some of us lack assertiveness skills or live with confusion so that important decisions are not made and kept to.

But there is a huge cost to settling for less, for just tolerating what your life has become. There is a cost to your spirit or soul, your life's purpose is not being expressed and this is painful and debilitating even if you aren't aware of it consciously. There is the cost to your energy and vitality. Being boxed in or settling for less drains your energy tremendously. Taking the "easy way out" by staying where you are is not truly the easy way. It is by far the more difficult, just not always real obvious to you.

Here are some questions to help you look for areas where you are settling for less than you deserve:

1. Put a grade on each of the following areas in your life, from 1 to 10, with one being "it sucks" and 10 being "wow, lucky me".
Family
Friends
Home
Career or vocation or business
Health
Community
Finances
Spirituality
Beauty/Body
Hobbies/Interests
Anything that gets below a 7 may be a place where you've settled or are tolerating less than you deserve.

2. If you had only a couple of years to live, what do you regret not doing?

3. If a fairy godmother stepped into your living room today and gave you three wishes that would be instantly granted, what would you ask for?

4. What upsets you on a daily or regular basis? (e.g., mad at your wife?, hate your boss?, wish you had children?, etc.)

5. If you had your life to live over, what would you have done differently?

6. Do you often say to yourself "oh, well, it doesn't matter" or "that's just the way it is"? These are indications you are settling.

7. Do you have trouble knowing what you want to do, saying no, and sticking to your decisions?

Each of your answers gives you food for thought. Where do you think that you are settling for less than you could have (or be)? Are there small steps you can take to begin changing your expections, reaching a little higher, being a little happier?
Take one today.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Loosening Your Grip

One of the things I love about being older is that I've loosened my grip on things. Things that used to loom so large or seem so critical just aren't any more. I do not cling so tightly to life's crises, injustices, mishaps, blunders, mistakes, pain, having or not having, and all the other things that are a normal part of life that can make us so miserable. I let go much easier now.

Folks who have known me a long time will tell you that I used to be very Type A, very uptight and serious. Midlife has brought me to a place where I wonder why I was so uptight, why I thought everything was so serious. I look back at the damage I did to my family and friends, by behaving as if everything mattered, needed to be judged and corrected, when in fact, very little truly matters in the grand scheme of things. I spilled a lot of negativity in the world trying to make things better. You can see this most easily when you see a parent berating their child, making them feel bad or diminished in the name of "training" or "discipline". This is not a case of not caring or giving up, it is more one of balance, and of seeing things as just part of the human existence. Of seeing things on the highest plane, that we are all here wanting the same things, to be happy and loved and at peace.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Well-Balanced Life

As we get older, and as our life situation changes, we often stop doing one thing or another that was a part of our lives before. For example, often in retirement, we trade using analytical skills at our jobs for relaxing, socializing or traveling. We may stop or start exercising based on the weather or on where we live or how we feel. We may start and stop socializing because we changed jobs or moved to a new location. These things are usually not changed with a lot of conscious thought; the situation just demands the changes.

It is important that we exercise all parts of ourselves, mind, body and spirit. Humans are meant to express themselves through their analytical skills and logic, their thinking, their emotions and feelings, their sensations and body, their spirit or soul, their intuition and dreams, and through creative endeavors. While most of us are stronger in one or more of these areas, all parts are needed for a healthy, well-balanced life.

My previous career was in computers. Very analytical, very logical. In fact, the caricature of computer people is one of being a geek or egghead and somewhat of a social misfit. My artistic side was dormant, pretty much ignored. When I changed careers to coaching, I also started expressing my creativity through pottery, through paper arts and collage and through singing. This all felt and feels really good. But I really didn't have a place to express my analytical and logical self. I picked up creativity and dropped the analytical, logical side. I felt some boredom and some dis-ease, but couldn't quite figure out what was causing it. Recently, I realized that this had occurred and have begun to add analytical activities to my life. For example, I just started reading a quantum physics book (for laymen). It requires me to really think and analyze in order to understand.

To see if this is true for you, answer the following questions:

1. How do I express in my daily life my thinking part (logic, analysis),
my sensation or body part (exercise, tactile sense),
my spiritual part (intuition, dreams, meditation, etc.)
and my feeling/emotional part?
2. Which of these am I particularly strong in and what areas do I use only a little or not at all?
3. What recent (in the past five years) changes in my life have changed what parts of myself I use and depend on?
4. Is there any area that needs some attention in order to achieve more balance?

Get balanced and healthier by using all of your gifts and talents, your human qualities. Challenge yourself to add in what's missing and see what difference it makes in your life.

Please leave comments if you found this intriguing or helpful.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

The Giant Reset Button

Sometimes I think of midlife as a giant reset button. It is the time when we begin to question our choices, design and implement new lifestyles and develop a richer inner life. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, the reset button only starts the changes; it doesn't instantly transform our lives.

What if all changes were instantaneous? We'd not be ready thus causing upset and failure, our friends and family would not know what hit them and we wouldn't be allowed to change course if needed if there really were a reset button. Instead we make choices, we often start slowly, and gradually through the months, years or even decades, our new lives take shape. The slower process allows us to experience our choices, and to evolve. The real and only trick is to make a choice and get started, to overcome inertia and fear.

Sometimes we are quite sure we know what we want and why, but this is often because of our situation or conditions. For many years, I dreamed of living in a small cottage out in the country as far away from neighbors as possible, quiet and serene. I was sure that this was my destiny and had absolutely no doubts that this longing was the real me. That somehow, I'd accidentally been born in and lived in a big city. Now, for most of my 20+ years in corporate America I worked very long hours in the computer field. I worked more than half of those years for a space contractor dependent on tight budgets, short deadlines, intense visibility, and life and death situations; all of which contributed to severe stress. No wonder I dreamed of a cottage in the country with no people! After I changed careers to one that I love and where I control both the hours and the amount of stress I'm willing to deal with, the dream of the country cottage vanished. It seems now that I'd be bored in the country. So beware the instant reset!

One thing that may get in the way of our changing our lives is the past. Sometimes we want something new and different, but we haven't saved money or our credit is ruined or our resume is spotty or we owe child support for 15 more years or whatever. All of these are real and can affect the speed and smoothness of our changes, but not the change itself. Credit can be restored, resumes can be polished, money can be saved starting now, and obligations honored by planning. Be creative, step out of the box, ask for help in seeing all of this in a different light. Be open to different paths to the same place. We often get it in our heads that the only way we'll be able to do X is Y. There are a million different ways to achieve X and Y is only one of them.

What do you think of this piece? Please leave a comment.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Run Away

Do you ever feel like running away? Chucking it all and leaving with nary a good-bye? I think this is a common response when we feel overwhelmed or have too many issues going on at the same time. I recently had three major family issues all going at the same time. I could handle two, but the third one brought on the feelings of, I've got to get out of here. I could hear the knight in Monty Python's The Holy Grail saying "Run away, run away, run away!" in my head over and over. Just run away!

So while part of me truly wanted to run away to escape my problems, because I am a "somewhat" mature individual, I didn't. I muddled my way through each of the messes (none of my own making, by the way) until resolved.

In each of our lives, though, we must look at the problems and say what is the "run away" message asking of us or telling us to do. Literally, it may be saying to run away, change your life, get out of this mess. And sometimes, this is the easiest and best way to move on or transform your life situation. I don't advocate running away without a goodbye, but a planned move may be just the ticket. And other times, this is just your ego's response to the overwhelm and your need to get a little relief. Only by asking yourself questions can you assess what this message means for you. A little relief and nurturing needed or a whole life overhaul?

Oftentimes, we don't move on when we need to because of fear. The devil we do know is better than the devil we don't know as the saying goes. But if you are clear that where you are in your life is not where you want to be (career, mate, location, friends and family, etc.) and you don't believe it can be fixed, then staying is the worst thing you can do, especially for your own happiness and personal growth. Even if the move to something new causes anxiety, especially if the move to something new causes anxiety, stagnating is not the answer. The anxiety is a message that something new and possibly better is waiting for you. At the very least you will gain self-knowledge which will serve you in the future.

Here are some questions to explore this situation for yourself?

What can you learn about yourself if you stay in the situation?
What can you learn about yourself if you leave?

Is there a gift in this situation for me? A lesson I need to learn? What is it?
What good things will happen if you stay?
What good things will happen if you leave?
Are there remedies you can apply to the current situation that will make a big difference? (note that this does not include changing someone else!)
Is there a solution somewhere between staying and going? What might this look like?
How have you contributed to the mess you are in? If you are unclear, you may just recreate the situation again after you move on.
Are you truly ready for something different in your life?
Is this truly your problem?
If the problem is your family's or your friend's problem, why are you involved?
Is this what you want for your life?
And last of all, if this isn't what you want, what do you want in its place?
Running away from something rarely works, while running to something better may.

Have you ever run away as an adult? When and why? Did it solve the problem? How?

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

The MidLife Stretch

Mid-life seems to be a typical time for all of us to question what we are doing and why. We start looking around and asking the tough questions: "Is this it?" or "Is this all there is to life?" or "Surely, there's supposed to be a meaning or a purpose for my life, isn't there?"

Some of us will ask these questions, get anxious or nervous and close the questions off. We think it may require too much change or that we leave our jobs or our spouses or move to some exotic locale. Some think it will require too much energy or too much work to change. We let fear and our unruly thoughts rule the day. This to me is a crying shame because everywhere we look are ways to expand who we are and get in touch with a deeper meaning and purpose. Without a major overhaul in our lives.

I am a big believer in small steps. Often the smallest of steps can be the start of something huge. One step after another, we learn more about ourselves and build upon each thing we learn. Each thing we learn allows us to deepen our understanding of who we are and why we are here. Often these learning experiences are fun, expansive, interesting or fascinating, even compelling for us. Our curiosity can often lead us to the next thing we are to try.

Is there something you want to learn more about that may lead to a better understanding of yourself or your place in the world. Many things may not seem so on the surface, so broaden your questions. For example, you may be thinking I am saying you should go on a spiritual quest or read books about human psychology. Not so. Let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean.

I have been afraid of the water much of my life. I don't know why; there does not seem to have been a precipitating event. I tried many times as a child and as an adult to overcome this, but was not able to until my mid-thirties. All my friends were taking vacations and going scuba diving. My boyfriend at the time was a diver. I really wanted to go! I signed up for scuba diving lessons. I know! What was I thinking. I don't think I fully understood they actually expected you to swim while diving and that I had to go in the deep end of the pool. Duh! This is where I think the Universe was sending me a way to overcome an obstacle, a place where I was stuck. My thinking was unusually short-sighted and I definitely didn't "look into it" before signing up. It is one of the few times I acted spontaneously. So what happened?

I attended the first class at a local pool. The first thing we had to do was swim ten round-trip laps of an olympic sized pool. We paired up with someone and each counted the other's laps. As the Universe would have it, I was paired up with... TA DA... a swimming teacher! I told her my problem; I can't swim and I'm afraid of the water. She didn't blink. She asked "Can you float?" I said sure. She said, "Lay on your back, kick your feet and relax." You can do all ten laps that way. And, of course, I did it! I wasn't even the last swimmer to complete. The class was 8 weeks long and I got progressively more comfortable in the water. The last hurdle was the last class, where we had to dive to the bottom of the 12 foot deep end and put on all our gear including our weight belt, tank, fins, mask, etc. That means you have to dive down and stay down there long enough to get your gear on, then swim to the top wearing heavy weights. I waited clutching the side of the deep end of the pool. I got more and more afraid as each person tested themselves. A couple were unable to do this test, which didn't help me any because they could swim! By the time it was my turn, the last one, I was crying, sure I was not going to be able to do it. The dive instructor was not kind, yelled to hurry up and get with it. I swam out to him still crying, did a perfect dive to the bottom of the pool, put on all the gear and swam up triumphantly. Wow, what a feeling! I felt the fear but did it anyway.

I learned many things from this experience which expanded my understanding about myself and also about how the world works. I learned that I have courage and that I could work with my fear. I learned that I am strong. I learned that things don't have to be done perfectly (picture Olympic quality backstroke), they just have to be good enough. I learned that the Universe works on my behalf and in incredibly mysterious ways. I learned that acting spontaneously (the exact opposite of the way I normally did things, being very linear at that time in my life) worked out beautifully. This was the beginning of my concrete, linear thinking being loosened and softened. I began to see that there are other ways to see things than always in black and white and well planned out. All this from one 8 week class that seemingly had nothing to do with personal growth.

Another example from my own life. As some of you may know, I worked in the computer field for 25 years. Again, in my thirties, while I was working in the space technology field (very conservative, very left brain), I decided to take massage lessons to become a certified massage therapist. Again, I know! I decided on a whim and signed up only two days before the 16 week class was to begin. No research, no questions, no preparation. If I had done any of those things, I would never have done it. I have a million stories about this experience, but I'll share one. The first class, I brought nothing with me nor did I understand what was going to happen. After a lecture and a certain amount of orientation, they told us we would pair up and massage each other. I'm thinking, are you crazy? I'm not getting nude in front of a bunch of strangers! I assumed they would have "hired massagees". It never occurred to me that I would be practiced on. I cried, again, but I wasn't the only one. Apparently, this is one of the ways the massage teachers have you work through your body hangups and intimacy issues. Of course, again, I did it, even though I was very nervous and feeling more than a little foolish.

Massage is a very right brained activity. I learned an amazing number of things about myself during this class. I finished the class, but did not become certified as I knew that at that time it was too big of a stretch for me to go from computers to massage. I needed more personal expansion.

I have lots of other examples both from my own life, and from those of my clients. They all seem to have a few things in common though.

1. The first is a curiosity or desire to do something.
2. The second is a feeling of anxiety or fear about doing it.
3. The third is feeling that fear and doing it anyway.
4. The fourth is the incredible sense of accomplishment for doing it.
5. And the last is what you learned about yourself and the world by doing it.

All of these things are "stretches", not major life overhauls, nor even major things in our lives. But they can be life-changing or pivotal in starting the changes that can help you to live more freely, more joyfully, and more congruently with your real purpose.

So what are you curious about? Are you willing to sign up even though you have reservations or anxiety or even outright fear? Do you secretly want to sing but are afraid your voice isn't "Olympic" quality? Are you drawn to a religion that isn't your family of origin's? When you see others doing a particular activity, a sport, art or whatever, do you wish you could do that too? I urge you to try something new. Stretch outside your comfort zone, push yourself a little, expand your life. You'll be much happier if you do.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Ways to Know Who You Really Are

We, all of us, go around looking for others to satisfy our needs and wants. We want our spouses to be more attentive or more romantic. We want the guy on the freeway to pay attention to where we are and to give us our due. We want our boss to like and praise us. We want our mothers to love us or validate us. And the list goes on.

Other people in our lives are simply mirrors for us. We project on to them our own pictures, our own needs and wants and stories. I believe this idea was originated by Carl Jung. The wonderful thing about this idea is that absolutely everyone we come into contact with can provide us with incredible self-knowledge and awareness if we only choose to look.

The first time I truly realized how little of what we think we know about other people is illusion was in my former workplace. I and a friend were walking down the hall talking. At the other end of a very long hall was a guy I'll call "Bob". Bob was walking towards us, but still a long way off. At this point my friend said in a very caustic voice "Can you believe Bob? What a jerk! He's avoiding me because he hates me and I don't like him either." This was said as he turned down another hallway. I, on the other hand, have always had good experiences with Bob. He loaned me his car once when my car broke down. I'd been at meetings with him and always found him courteous and knowledgeable. So I liked him. I had been thinking of raising my hand and saying hi to him. I realized in an instant how much of what we think is true is just made up in our own minds. How could our experience of the exact same event have been so different?

For example, in this case, Bob could have been going to the restroom which was in the hall he turned down. He could have been avoiding my friend or me or both. He might not have even seen us, that is, been thinking deeply about something and not aware of his surroundings. He might hate me and like her or be neutral to us both. There is no way for either of us to know what he was thinking or why he turned away. Even asking wouldn't necessarily be the truth, because Bob could have lied or even not totally have known his own reasoning for why he did what he did. I was projecting my own story of "I like Bob and people are generally benign/friendly" onto Bob and my friend was projecting her own story of "Bob doesn't like me and the world is generally an unfriendly place."

Here's another brief example of how this works. Again, at a corporate job I had some years back, I was walking down the hall and passed the VP I worked for. I said "Hi, Bill!" enthusiastically. He didn't even look my way and passed me by. (Has this ever happened to you?!!) I was sure he'd heard me and was pointedly ignoring me. I spent several days being upset, sure I'd done something wrong and he was angry with me, even thinking I might be fired. Notice this is all about me. A few days later, Bill popped into my office with a big grin on his face. "Hey, Mary Anne, how's things?!" I was surprised and played along. We talked as if nothing had occurred. He even mentioned he hadn't seen me in a few weeks. I finally blurted out that I'd seen him just three days before in this very hall. He looked perplexed and said he must have been thinking about something and just didn't hear me. Notice all the stories I made up based on my own beliefs (that he saw and heard me) and my own stories, my lack of self-confidence and concern about authority. Bill was perfectly "mirroring" for me my own insecurity about my job and my lack of assertiveness with authority figures. It was right there for me to see, because this wasn't about Bill, it was about my thoughts, beliefs, emotions and "stories".

The point is that all of our reactions to people and events are our own. We "make them up" based on our own history, beliefs, temperament, conditioning, values, etc. We project, unconsciously mostly, on to others our own stories and needs.

That might be a little hard to swallow. But I am betting that if you test it out, you'll know it's true. How many times have you thought one thing about a situation only later to find out it wasn't true at all? How many times have you heard several people describe the same event in startling different ways?

Here's a little exercise to tell you what you are really needing (another way of saying who you are at this time) by using others as a mirror.

Exercise:

• Write down a list of all the things you wish your spouse would do for you. ( for example, wish he were kinder or with he would listen to me) (another variation of this is to write down all the qualities you want in a mate)
• Write down a list of all the things you wish your best friend would do for you. (for example, wish she would be more respectful of my time)
• Write down a list of all the things you wish your parents would do for you. (for example, wish your father would say I love you, wish your mother would not put you down or criticize you)

Now take the entire list and analyze it by asking these questions:

• In what way do I not do that for myself? (for example, in what way am I not kind to myself)
• In what area(s) of my life do I not do that for my self?
• For myself, do I ___________ (listen to my self, be kind to myself, criticize my self, etc.)

The idea here is that if you need more kindness in your life, you will project that need on to others and they will be seen as unkind. Or you will attract unkind people in to your life because of the belief and need. After all if you need more kindness, it means you are bereft of kindness or even have a life filled with unkindness. Somewhere there is a lack of kindness and it is that "lack" that is projected.

The good news is that you can change this simply by giving what you need to yourself. If it is kindness that you need, be kind to yourself. If you need to be listened to, listen carefully to yourself, validate your own words. If you need to be loved, love yourself. Do the things that a mother or a lover would do for you to make you feel loved. Once the need is satisfied, the projection on to others will change. You will have kind people show up in your life or a love interest will appear. In the law of attraction language, you get what you feel. If you are feeling loved, you will attract loving people. If you feel secure, you will attract secure and safe surroundings and people.

Test this out for yourself. See what you can learn about your own needs.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Solo Camping Trip

I just got home from my summer vacation. As you may know, I needed a break from the Houston heat, and decided to take off for a few days.

This first pic is from Palo Duro Canyon in Texas. I drove from Houston to there on my first day out. Long day, but worth the view.

And the second is my campsite in Hyde Memorial State Park just a few miles outside Santa Fe, NM. I stayed in this park for three days. Once I reached NM, it rained every day. But it was still cool and really beautiful. My camp site was next to a small creek and I could hear the water over the rocks along with the wind moving through the tall evergreens. It was exactly what I was seeking, some place to get refreshed and invigorated again.

I also visited Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Jemez Springs, Chimayo, and Taos in NM. Drove home through the Texas hill country.




All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

The Joy of Solo Excursions

I just returned from a solo camping trip out of state in Santa Fe, New Mexico and thereabouts. I talked with lots of folks before and during my trip, some I know and some new faces. The most common reaction from everyone was "You're camping/traveling alone??!!!" Some thought it was not safe and some thought I would be bored. Some could not even fathom why I'd ever do that by myself. As in, what fun is that?!

This was not my first solo camping trip, nor my first solo travel. I love to camp and I love to do it alone. I'm happy when others want to join me, but if the only way I get to camp is by myself, that's great with me. I also travel alone, eat out alone, go to movies alone, well, you get the picture. I am married, but we don't always like the same activities. And he's not always available when I am ready to do something. Same with friends and family.

So what are the advantages of traveling or doing activities by yourself? There are many and here are a few:

• You get to decide without any consideration of other's happiness, desires, or preferences. For women, this is often a problem as we are trained from birth to put other's wishes before ours. What a great place to get used to what it feels like to listen only to yourself and your own desires for a change.
• You get to be in charge and lead the way.
• You get to decide the pace, the direction, the start and the stop, basically everything.
• You can make real-time changes to your plan without any discussion.
• Often, you will speak to new people more easily because you don't have anyone else to talk to.
• That means you learn things you might not have otherwise.
• You may be able to do things you wouldn't do with your spouse/friends/family. Get up late or go to bed early, read all day, hike all day, take a nap, skinny dip, visit art galleries or churches, whatever floats your boat.
• You get to pick the radio station in the car or choose the CDs to listen to.
• You get to hear yourself think, and to reflect on what you are experiencing.
• It is your experience alone, not bounced off or interpreted by being with someone else.
• You may experience the kindness of strangers alone easier than when with someone. For example, when I camped in Hyde Memorial outside Santa Fe, the park ranger visited me a couple of times a day, just to make sure everything was okay. A couple of the campers stopped by to chat. I think this would not have happened if my husband had been there.
• You get to decide when to eat, what to eat, where to eat, and whether to eat.
• You learn about yourself by listening to yourself and acting on your desires.

I hope you can see how many positives there are to trying more things by yourself rather than always feeling you must have someone else to do them with. You may have tried in the past and not felt the joy. Try again and really notice what is going on. What are you feeling? Are there things you can do to explore and change that to something positive? For example, if you are afraid for your safety, what things can you do to make yourself feel more secure. When I camp, I choose state or national parks where other people are camping. I usually select a site near families and always let the park rangers know that I am a solo female. I also have a personal alarm in my tent as well as my car keys (which can set off the burglar alarm in my car). I am thoughtful about where I travel at night. I also have AAA for auto problems on the road so I never have to depend on help from strangers on the highway. All these things make me feel secure. This took some planning and some experience, and listening to my feelings. The point is that I didn't let my initial fear stop me from doing something I love to do; hike and camp.

If you think you will be bored or it just won't be fun without a friend, ask why that is. I think it is important that you be able to enjoy being alone at times. You have more freedom when this is a pleasurable experience.

What are you not doing because you don't have someone to do it with? Do you use the lack of a significant other or close friend as an excuse to deny yourself some of life's experiences? What are you waiting for?

I'd love to hear your comments about this article.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Big Dreams and Baby Steps

Do you have a really big dream? Something so big, so exciting that you're not sure how you can possibly have it especially considering where you are now? In my coaching and workshops, one of my primary tenets is that if you're going to dream and go to all the trouble of attracting what you most want, make it something big, something better than you've ever thought of before. One of my students, a beautiful artist, said her dream was to make $1,000 a month with her art. I asked, “why not $10,000 or $100,000 a month?” She was challenged to examine why her dreams are limited and to stretch herself for something bigger.

Dreaming big can be exciting and also paralyzing. I teach the principles of attraction to attain your goals and dreams. As part of this, you let go of the how and allow the Universe to work on your behalf. In an ideal world or for someone who has practiced this for a while and knows it works, you don't have to take any action except what the Universe tells you to do. You will know through intuition or signs or synchronicities what actions to take. This is called inspired action. But for many of us still in the practicing stages and who are working up our confidence in how this works, we still feel the need to take action in our daily lives on our own while waiting for these cues.

This is where the baby steps come in. When you feel confused or paralyzed, unable to move forward, taking baby steps can get you back on track. Even in my attraction workshops, I encourage baby steps to build up your confidence that the attraction principles are real and always work. Some of us have a hard time believing that the Universe or God will truly look out for us and that it responds to our desires (as expressed through our emotional vibration and thoughts). If you start practicing with the biggest dream you have and it takes longer than you expect or doesn't come the way you expect, you may lose interest or belief in the process. So until we get that confidence that will allow us to have what we desire through informed action, we take our usual action steps.

If you can't see how to get to your goal or you see it but it seems too far away or too big or too scary or you are overwhelmed, small steps can get you unstuck and moving again. So no matter how big the dream, you can start with the smallest of actions. If your dream was to write a book, even planning to write a chapter a month might be too overwhelming. Start smaller with daily actions such as "write two paragraphs describing what the book is about" on day 1, "research market saturation of this type of book via the Internet" on day 2, "create title" on day 3, and so on. Put these planned small actions on your calendar, even very small actions. Engage the support of friends or a coach who will encourage you and hold you accountable.

Small baby steps give you powerful leverage in achieving your dreams. They will give you confidence and momentum, both of which will get you unstuck and propel you forward. So get out there and dream big, bigger, biggest! You can achieve anything you can dream of.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Mastering Money: What Do You Believe About Money?

What do you believe about money? Do you believe it grows on trees? Or doesn’t? Do you believe that money is security or money makes the world go ‘round? Do you believe you have enough or can never have enough? Are you rich or poor? How you answer these questions about money gives you an accurate representation of your money world. It doesn’t mean your answers are the truth, just your truth at this time. Changing what you believe about money can transform how money materializes in your life. Transforming your beliefs can change your thoughts and feelings. New thoughts and feelings will change your actions. New actions that are informed by your thoughts, feelings and beliefs change the results. Performing this process can provide you with peace and ease with money and your sense of prosperity. It can also transform many other areas of your life in almost miraculous ways.
I've found in working with clients and workshop attendees that some beliefs change quickly and easily. Often just noticing and briefly examining your belief will modify or eliminate it. Other beliefs are more entrenched and take more time. Performing the exercise below will help with these ideas. After doing the exercise, you will start to notice when the belief shows up and how it affects you. This is where change begins, by noticing and examining the thoughts and feelings associated with the belief.
EXERCISE: Listed below are statements of belief about money. Check or circle all of those that you believe are true or mostly true. Add some of your own beliefs to the list if you think of some that were not included.
Option 1: With your list in hand, engage with a trusted partner. Ask the partner to play devil’s advocate and dissuade you from your position of belief in that statement. Obviously, this is not arguing with anger, more like a gentle debate; no shame, no blame and no defensiveness.
Let’s take the statement, “Money is security” as an example. You say, “I must have money to feel secure. Money makes me feel safe.” Partner says, “If you were walking down the middle of a downtown street at 3 am with a million dollars, would you still feel safe? Or would you feel more in danger?” You say, but that’s not the kind of security I mean, not physical safety. Emotional safety, you know, security.” Partner says, “Even if you were fabulously wealthy, your spouse could leave you, you could become seriously ill or die, you could lose it all in a stock market crash or bank failure, etc. Your home could be destroyed by a tornado and you could lose your pets and family pictures. So you don’t have emotional security either.” You continue the discussion until you are persuaded or until your partner runs out of ideas!
Option 2: If you do not have a partner, then write the arguments down, playing both sides. Stretch to get out of the box of your beliefs. Prove that they might not be totally true or maybe they are even wrong. Provided below the beliefs are some questions to use to prime the pump, if needed. You'll be amazed at what you discover.
Option 3: Write down the statements you selected and write a situation where the statement is true and at least one situation where the statement is false. For example, "Saving money is a virtue." A true statement about this is that savings can be useful and good for emergencies and to purchase things you cannot immediately afford. The act of saving can also lead to maturity and growth of a person by exhibiting discipline and postponing immediate gratification. However, an opposing viewpoint is that you can save just to be saving and not allow yourself to have any pleasure or fun. Saving to an extreme can hurt you and thus is not a virtue.
BELIEFS ABOUT MONEY

(Check or circle each that you believe is true)
Money manages itself.
Money should not be talked about.
Money and spirituality don’t mix.
Saving money is a virtue.
Being in debt is the American way.
Once I have enough money, I will be okay.
Money is the primary reason I work.
I don’t have to understand money, he/she does it.
I’m embarrassed about money.
I think I should know all about money.
Money must only be spent on things of value.
Everyone else understands money better than I do.
Money buys me respect.
Money makes people do evil things.
Money is behind all the evil in the world.
I cannot accept money from friends or family.
I don’t have enough money.
You have to save money for security.
Medical care should be profitless.
Working hard brings money.
The harder you work, the more money you get.
It is wrong/weak to accept money from others.
People are respected more if they have money.
I need a lot of money to be secure.
You cannot have too much money.
I need to save enough to last me forever.
It takes money to make money.
Money can’t make you happy.
You cannot live without money.
Money is power, freedom, and independence.
Money can’t buy love.
Spiritual things shouldn’t cost money.
I need money to live.
It's rude to ask someone about his or her salary.
Money doesn’t grow on trees.
Money is security.
Everyone should just get a job!
It’s all about whom you know.
I can’t trust people who ask for money.
I should help people who are in need.
No one should make that much money.
People without money are losers.
There is never enough money.
Everything depends on money.
Once I get money, it’s hard to keep it.
Money shouldn’t be so hard to make.
Money is easy to get.
Money is made to spend.
Having money makes me feel better, happier.
Money is king.
I can’t accomplish my dreams without money.
There are more important things in life than money.
Receiving or buying beautiful gifts for myself makes me feel loved.
People like rich people better. It’s easier to like someone who is rich.
When I have enough money, I will be more generous and help others.
I look down on or feel sorry for people who ask for money.
If I don’t have money, bad things will happen to me.
You should never tell anyone how much money you make.
I value things by how much they are worth in money.
I could be _______(free, adventurous, happy…) if I had money.
It’s not fair that some people are rich and others are poor.
It’s only a penny (nickel, dime, quarter, dollar.).
A penny saved is a penny earned.
Money makes the world go round.
Time is money.
A fool and his money are soon parted
Don't put all your eggs in one basket
Diamonds are a girl's best friend
Marry for love, not money.
It's just as easy to love a rich man as a poor one.
Money doesn't grow on trees.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Money is a flow. If you're in the flow, money will come.
You get what you pay for.

Exercise Option 2:
QUESTIONS TO ASK ABOUT YOUR BELIEFS
1. Specifically, what is the belief? Be as specific as you can.
2. Why do I care?
3. Does it serve me to operate from that belief?
4. Does it conflict with my other beliefs?
5. Who will be upset if I don’t operate from that belief?
6. How does this belief affect me? Affect my life? Affect my relationships?
7. What if this belief weren’t true?
8. How would that affect me? How would it affect the world?
9. What if the opposite were true?
10. What did my family feel about this belief? How did I feel about this as a child?
11. Can you think of an example in real life that supports this belief?
12. Can you think of an example in real life that goes against this belief?
13. What if the whole world believed this? What would the impact be?

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Job Searches in Mid-Life and Beyond

Because I coach mid-lifers in creating the life of their dreams, sometimes that includes changing careers or changing jobs. Data from several sources indicates it is now more difficult to find a job after age 50. There are many articles and books out about this phenomena. With boomers wanting to work longer either from necessity or from choice, this is going to be a challenge many will face sooner or later. If you are forty now and plan to work until you are 65 or 70, it is highly likely you will not still be at the same job until then. So what can you do to improve your chances that you will find a job that satisfies you and meets your needs?

There are many ways to find job openings and to apply. First is networking. Networking means simply contacting every one you know and letting them know in clear and unambiguous terms what kind of job you are looking for and that you are in the job market. The clearer and more definite you are, the easier it will be for your network to "hear" about an opening that matches you. This means, not just your friends and family, but your hairdresser, your neighbors, your accountant, basically everyone in your Rolodex and business card file. Dig out your old previous company rosters and give some of your former co-workers a call. When you meet someone new and it is appropriate, be sure to let them know what you are looking for. Contact your list at least once a month or every other month.

Second way is searching job listings on the Internet and in the newspapers. There are literally thousands of job search sites on the Internet, some very general and some specific to industry, type of job, location, etc. You can typically apply online at these sites submitting your resume and cover letter. This may result in an interview, but can be very discouraging because companies receive thousands of resumes this way. Yours is just one in a large pile. One further step you can take, especially if it is a job you are very excited about, is to contact the company directly. Often the listing gives you company name and contact information. If not, it is often easy to figure out which company it is in a particular location and the contact information is public information (ask your librarian or search online). Call the contact person directly and ask for an interview.

A third way to find a job is to search individual company websites for career or job openings. If you know you'd like to work in a particular company or a particular industry, this is a good way to find what jobs are open and again, the contact information. Again, contacting individuals in the company directly is more effective than just mailing a resume. You probably see a trend here: that is to talk to people instead of sending emails or mail.

Of course, finding an opening is only part of the job search. You must have a beautifully written, compelling resume and cover letter and great interview skills and style. Future columns will cover these two areas. If you are in doubt about your resume or your interviewing skills, a coach (like me!!) can often help tremendously.

If you are over 50 and have completed a successful job search, how did you do it and what were your experiences? Please leave a comment if you'd like to share your story.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Three High Power Tips to Live In Attraction

It’s what we all want, isn’t it? To have an abundant and joyful life: abundant love and friendship, abundant finances, abundant creativity in our choice of lifestyle and career. So what’s the secret to having this wonderful overflowing abundance we all yearn for? To have abundance, you must be abundance. The best way to be abundant is to live it…think it, feel it and model it. Here are three tips for living an abundant life right now.

1. What language do you use? Every day we talk our way through our lives. We discuss, negotiate, teach, share and tell stories. These are a way of making our mark on the world and letting others know whom we are. Are you telling a story of lack, of greed, or poverty or one of riches and abundance, no matter what the topic? Words and phrases like “need”, “wish”, “if only”, “when I have ____, then”, etc. only put out lack-ful energy into the world. And what you get back is more lack and poverty. Instead notice all that you do have and gratefully acknowledge it. Change your words to those that state your true purpose and positive intentions using words like “I have..”, “I choose..”, and “I intend..” Stay in attraction with the language you use.

2. Who are you hanging out with? Our relationships are the gold in our lives. Or the lead (think toxic)! Our friendships, family, co-workers and love relationships are mirrors of our inner being. If we are in conflict, constantly criticized or around negative energy for much of our days, we can’t help but absorb some of it and then pass it on. As you change to a more positive, attractive outlook, many of these relationships will either change or fall away. That is natural and desirable (even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it). But you can also choose to reduce or eliminate your exposure to toxic relationships right now. Make the choice for abundance and find joyful, supportive, positive people to hang out with.

3. How do you start your day? Does your day start with a clanging alarm clock, cups of coffee, bad news from the TV, and a struggle just to get started? No wonder we’re not attracting what we desire! The easiest way to change your daily life into one of positive attraction and abundance is to change the way you start the day. Wake up earlier if you must to allot some time to meditating, journaling or stretching, or whatever your body and spirit call for. This is a time to set your intentions for abundance for the day, to ease into the day with gratitude and joy; not to plunge forward in a busy, already stressed out attitude. Start small and see if you can make a change tomorrow to improve the way you feel first thing in the morning. Notice what a huge difference it makes in staying with your positive thoughts and emotions, which are, of course, the real secret to staying attractive.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Unburden and Get Life Balance

Life balance...we all talk about it but few achieve it. We want our lives to be balanced between work and play. We want more pleasure in our lives and less pain and angst. We want space and clarity, not clutter and busy-ness. So how do we obtain this rare "life balance"? Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Get rid of the "shoulds". When you hear yourself say "should" as in "I really should...", you know that it is someone else's life you are living. The real you would not need a "should". It would be natural and obvious to you. Should is a word that comes from someone else, such as your parents or your church or even society. Notice when you bring up the "shoulds", think it through, decide what is really true to you and let go of the rest.

2. Tolerating too much. Tolerations are those things that we "put up with" or "settle for" even though we don't like it, it causes us discomfort or we feel it's just too difficult to change. Things (places, people, activities) we tolerate but do not enjoy deplete our precious life energy, our time, and often create negative experiences, emotions and thoughts, none of which does us any good. For every moment you spend doing something you do not enjoy, you have wasted an opportunity to experience and enjoy that moment. List at least five things in your life that you are tolerating. To get you started, think about your work, your home, your family, your significant other, your spiritual life, your environment. Pick one of these top five tolerations and list the steps you can take right now to rid yourself of this situation or change it into something more positive that meets your needs.

3. Clean up your space and make it yours. Few people realize how strong the effect of clutter and messiness is on our psyche and our lives. Is your home an inviting place, clear of clutter? Does it make you feel serene, creative, comforted? Is your office a place you want to be? Does it feed your productivity and creativity? Does it say success to you? The environments in which you spend your time can pull you forward to success and happiness or they can create obstacles that drag on your energy and emotions. Clean them up, clear them out, add beauty wherever you can. Try this and see how you feel. Even small successes can make a big difference. I guarantee you it will make a difference in how you feel.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Get the Fat Out Of Your Head

Don't you love that title!? I have been collaborating with the juicy woman herself, Andrea Amador. She's a wonderful personal coach and teacher who specializes in "inspiring women to live craving free." I've found her to be authentic and incredibly inspiring. I just finished doing an interview with her and it will be posted at my website within the next few days if you missed the teleclass in person.

Andrea has a powerful new program called the Cravings Zapping Program. It touts Breakthrough Methods to Help You Zap Your Cravings And Celebrate The Strong, Vivacious, Juicy Woman You Truly Are! You can register now for the July 12 Program. As Andrea says, "Now you can win the battle against the cravings that drive you nuts and gain control of your life. Never feel enslaved by a friggin' piece of candy ever again!"

Be sure to check out her new program but also to sign up for her free e-course "Get the Fat Out of Your Head" at http://www.thejuicywoman.com.

Let me know what you think about the program and her free e-course.

Boomer Humor

Looking for a greeting card line that:
• Helps baby boomers laugh at life’s experiences?
• Shows baby boomer women enjoying and celebrating their journey through life?
• Portrays baby boomer women as they want to be seen – vital and energetic?

I'm always looking for new and creative ways to communicate with my friends, clients and family. I just discovered these cool greeting cards. They are a kind of boomer humor cards for women boomers. I like them because they are so positive and not insulting like so many cards I see. Check themout for yourself.

http://www.cascadegreetings.com

Lives Unlived: Are You Grieving?

One of the ponderings in mid-life is realizing that we cannot and will not do everything we thought we might. At this point of life, we've made our choices. It's not that I can't have what I want...of course, I can. But I probably cannot have everything I want, given where I am today. I have many interests and several passions. But everything I think I might like to do can't be incorporated into this lifetime. It's just too short. One day I might think, I'd like to adopt children. Give them a loving life and make a difference. The next day I might think I want to be a yogi, meditate full-time and serve others. On another day, I think I'd love to have a 7-figure business and travel all over the world. Another day I think I'd like to sing for a living, a dream I didn't pursue from my youth. Each of the things above I could be passionate about and most likely successful at. But I probably can't do all of them, especially given the choices I've made up to now. Certain things just aren't going to be part of my life.

And from this thought is a certain amount of sadness. It is partly because one must make choices on what life to live. Part of it is the recognition that life is passing and we will not always be here. We do have limited time here in this lifetime. So while I accept that I have made choices and will continue to have to make choices about how my life will be lived, I grieve for my lives that will remain unlived...at least in this lifetime.

Explore this idea for yourself. Do you have things you still want to do in your lifetime? Is it time to put some dreams from the past to bed? Is it time to choose which life you will lead? How do you feel about this idea of grieving for a life unlived?

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Easy Time and Date Converter

I found this great little tool online and wanted to share it with you. How many times have you had someone traveling overseas and wanted to know what time it is there? Or wanted to attend an international online event but are not sure what time it will be? Here's a handy little tool to help you convert the time. It even has a "personal" time and date converter. You can set up your own page with a selection of cities so that it shows the time in each. For example, my husband is currently in Switzerland, I want to view an online video streaming in Spain this week and I live in Houston, Texas. I simply put all three cities on my personal page and voila, the dates and times are there and I don't have to keep entering them every time I want to make a call. Here's the link: http://www.timeanddate.com/

Faces of Fear

In my workshops, the topic of fear comes up regularly. So many of us are fearful about all sorts of events, situations, feelings and actions. Fear is normal and is a part of the way we are wired as humans. It is one of the ways we are protected from harm. Fear is always with us as long as we are growing and stretching our wings. You may outgrow or outdistance fear in a particular area of your life, but the feeling of fear is always available for the next new thing.

For example, you are just about to travel alone for the first time. You may be fearful of what people will think, how you will manage, what you will do, afraid for your safety, etc. But then you do it, maybe starting with a short trip. And you learn from it and each time you travel alone you are a little less fearful, until one day you realize you no longer fear traveling alone. So you feel no fear in this area of your life. However, then you decide to take up skydiving. The fear rises again and you have to go through the whole cycle again.

The absence of fear means we are growing complacent and staying in our comfort zone. As soon as we push a little, move to a new place in life or try new things on for size, fear comes up. It's natural, but we dread it so. Accepting that fear will arise and that we can acknowledge it and still move forward is critical to our living our dreams. And viewed this way, fear is to be relished because it means we are growing, being all we can be and expanding our life.

One of the things I've learned is how many faces fear has. We probably all recognize that strong, paralyzing fear when something truly dangerous or horrendous is about to happen. You may feel physical symptoms like tight muscles, adrenaline rush, stomach pain or upset, etc. And it feels awful to most of us. It feels like a very strong emotion and often overwhelms us. But fear can come in many different guises.

How about the rational voice of fear? Have you ever wanted to do something out of the norm? Something bigger than you've done before? And this voice in your head starts with the rational arguments on why you don't want to or can't do that? Things like "you're not ready for this" or "this isn't what you really want" or "you could get hurt doing this" or "you dont' have the money, time, energy, support, .... to do this". These may all be the voice of fear. Those of us who have strong rational sides often experience fear in this way. It may be difficult to recognize because it doesn't have that "fear" feeling, although you will probably feel some nervousness or anxiety. Essentially, this rational voice distracts you from the feelings as the argument in your head ensues.

Another voice of fear is experienced through physical reactions or symptions. You may think of starting a new business or leaving a bad relationship and suddenly get sick. Your head aches or back hurts. Maybe you get an upset stomach. It doesn't necessarily feel like an "emotion" but may be the way you experience fear. It can show up in almost any physical way.

Some have mental confusion when fear comes up. To avoid the feeling of fear, some of us have developed a coping mechanism that makes our minds confused or vague. Some people just "go away", that is, their minds lose focus and retreat into thoughts or daydreams or a dreamy state. It may become difficult to concentrate or to focus on anything. It may be challenging to have clear thoughts or to get organized and moving. It may seem like being overwhelmed and unsure of direction. This is just our ego's way of coping with the fear.

You may experience one or all of these different faces of fear in your lifetime. The goal is to recognize it. If you are aware of how and when you feel fear, it is incredibly valuable information. If you are afraid and you know it, you can deal with it. You can decide to back off a few steps until the fear is more manageable. Or you can say to yourself that you accept the fear and you are going to move forward anyway. There are many ways to deal successfully with fear, but the first job is to know you are feeling fear.

If this article has been helpful or you would like to add to it, please add your comments below.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006

Creativity in Mid-Life

One of the things I've noticed recently is how many of my associates and friends are blossoming creatively in mid-life. Many are taking up art as a hobby or as self-expression. Several of my women friends in their late 30s to early 60s are now taking drawing or painting lessons, after a lifetime of thinking of themselves as non-artists. But don't leave out the male friends. One has moved from banking to film editing. Another has moved from industrial welding to metal arts. Some are taking up musical instruments or writing fiction.

Maybe it is the realization that life is too short not to have fun. Maybe it is the inability to keep our innate creativity bottled up any longer. Maybe it is an important way to express who you truly are as you discover who you truly are...a common mid-life journey. Whatever it is, it's bringing more joy to my friends.

The wonderful thing about creativity no matter what form it takes is that it seems to make us all feel more alive, more involved and more a part of life. There is nothing quite like creating something from your vision, your heart and your hands. It is the process as much as if not more than the final product. There is a certain amount of "wonder" knowing that no one else but you created this