Passion

"The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire." — Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch

"Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you." — Bill CosbyComedian

"One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested." — E. M. Forster

"Chase your passion, not your pension." — Denis Waitley

"With out passion you dont have energy, with out energy you have nothing." — Donald Trump

The Deeper Question

A huge part of my practice is helping others to get the answers to the question: "What do I want?" Some of us know what we want, some of us think we know what we want and some of us have no clue. Depending on where you are spiritually, the answer to the question will come from your head, from thinking or "figuring it out" (that is, the ego) OR the answer will come from your spirit or better said, through your spirit. The only true answer will come from (or through) spirit. It is a deeper and more truthful and relevant answer than any you might come up with from your head or through figuring it out.

There are so many books available to help you "figure out" your life purpose. Believe me, I read them all! And nothing I did to "figure out" what my life purpose helped me find my life purpose. I had to look deeper for the answer. Look to the Universe, Consciousness, God or whatever your term for the source of all life for your answer. For me, meditation is the way I get in touch with my higher self or Consciousness. It is where my deeper questions are answered, by being still and listening.

I know that we all have purpose(s) on earth and our purpose will allow us to live who we really are and to excel, to express ourselves in a beautiful, abundant, conscious way. I believe that if we can be still, as Eckart Tolle calls it, if we can go beyond our daily existence as expressed by our egos, that the actions we need to take to express our purpose will come alive and will be known to
us.

Trust in the deeper answer as expressed through your spirit.

A Sin Against the Light

I just finished watching a British mini-series called "All Passion Spent". It is the story of an elderly woman in the British aristocracy whose husband died. She'd spent her entire life doing what was expected of her. She married well as her parents expected. Her husband was the prime minister of India and she fulfilled her duties as his wife with grace. She had children and raised them, created a home, and endured with love and without bitterness. By outward appearances she had a wonderful life. So what was the problem? She was "meant" to be an artist. She loved beauty and art, but had entirely given up this part of herself as it did not fit in with her expected life.

So now she is 85 and finally asserts her desires on her life. She moves to a small cottage (from the big mansion) away from her children. She has a beautiful garden and makes the home cozy and filled with light as she has always desired, but could never have. She surrounds herself with interesting people (some from the "trades") and meets up with an old gentleman acquaintance from India. Even though she doesn't remember him from 60 years before, he understands her now as he understood her back then. In their conversations about her life and her missing art, he says that her not pursuing her art was a "sin against the light." I really love that phrase although I'm not much into the whole sin thing. It has a double meaning, since light is so important in art. The light being sinned against can be the light we see or the inner light (soul, spirit or the source of all being).

It really describes what I think so many of us do with our lives. We "sin against the light" by not being all we can be. By not doing what we were truly meant to do. That thing we were meant to be and do can be anything. It doesn't have to be something as romantic as being an artist. It can be teaching, or being a mother raising good children, or being a whiz at gardening. The trouble is we often take our role in life and because we're doing a good and important job (such as raising children) and rationalize that this must be what we were supposed to do. All the while ignoring the tightening up of our hearts, the depression, the dis-ease that will come about when we ignore our most inner longings.

So what messages from your heart or soul are you ignoring? Can you explore them? Can you give yourself permission to take a few baby steps toward the light? Toward expressing your being in your own unique way?

Resolve to Be You in 2008

It is a funny thing that most of us aren't really "us"! We are not the person we were meant to be or could have been without the influences of parents, school, church, spouses and society. As we grow up, most of us are molded into something less than our best. And by that I mean less than the best "You". We are pushed or encouraged to go to college and become a certain profession. We may be pushed to marry or marry for money or warned against marriage. We may be encouraged by our spouses to work or to stay at home, to remain dumb about money or to contribute. We may be told to be less tomboyish or to be more ladylike. There are a million different ways we are asked to fit in, to not make waves, or to be "normal".

One of our main jobs as adults is to figure out who we really are and who we are meant to be. I have a theory that the more authentic you are, that is, the more "the real you" you are, the happier you will be. In fact, I think not being yourself is the primary way most of us are unhappy. We are actually fighting ourselves in each and every moment. When we act as our true selves, we shine, we glow, we send off sparks. We have energy, we feel more at ease, we light up the world. When we are acting as someone else, we diminish our energy and feel uneasy in ourselves. We have many more difficulties such as poor health, poor relationships, confusion and indecision than we would if we were authentic.

Ask yourself these questions to start figuring out who you are meant to be.

1. What makes me light up or feel jazzed?
2. What things am I curious about that I'm avoiding?
3. Look back at the past five years. Can you identify a dozen things that you have said yes to? Things such as taking a certain career path? Marrying, divorcing or vowing bachelorhood? Particular fears you've allowed to take hold? In each case if you said yes to that action or path, what were you saying no to? These areas of "no" can be enlightening.
4. If you were writing your autobiography at this point in your life, what do you wish you could say?

Look at the answers to these questions and see if any areas that give you a glimpse into actions that are calling you. In 2008, try one or two of these to see if you can become more of the real you.

Best Laid Plans

Without meaning to, I seemed to have skipped posting to my blogs and sending out my newsletter for two whole months! You may have been wondering what has happened to me. Ah, life happened.

The past two months have been the happy and exciting culmination of our (my husband and I) ten year plan to downsize, semi-retire and travel more. Yes, we had a ten year plan and actually have managed to achieve it. My husband retired from his corporate job. We'll both be working part-time but on our schedules. We sold our home and moved to a much smaller house, about half the size of the former one. This has resulted in lots of culling of possessions, mostly easy but with a few hard decisions. We are still in the throes of unpacking and settling in.

We are planning much more travel and just generally a slower lifestyle. We're going to San Diego this month and then to North Carolina and Georgia in October. Our dreams continue to come true.

Find Your Grail

I was lucky enough to see the hit Monty Python musical, "Spamalot", this weekend. It was incredibly funny and entertaining. We had such a great time. If you get the chance to see it, go!

One of the songs in the play was "Find Your Grail", meaning find who you were meant to be, or find what you are meant to be doing in this life. The song expressed the true joy of being you and only you. So many of us plod down a path that was laid out for us by our parents or our upbringing and circumstances at birth. We fall into our careers based on whim or chance or what will gain us the most money. We choose as a 19 year old, either after high school or in college, what we will do for the rest of our lives. Our career choices often become our identity. Our egos cling to this, creating a huge story about our life as a ____ (doctor, teacher, mechanic, VP, mother, etc.) We puff up with pride or cringe in embarrassment about what we do. We take it on as if it were who we are. We eventually believe that our professions are who we are and that without this profession, we'd be no one. We weren't born being this vocation, it is a choice and can be unchosen. After all, when introductions are made, the next question is often, what do you do? And we answer with our career choice, I'm a doctor! A much more interesting question is "who are you when you're not at work?"

Find Your Grail. I like the picture of going on a holy quest for the grail, the answer to life's questions about who you are meant to be. Everyone goes on this quest at some point in their lives. Some do it early, some late. Some do it thoughtfully and well, some don't. The quest is to discover who you are, what your unique gifts are and how they can be expressed in the world.

What can you do today to begin this quest?

• Take stock of where you are.


• What are you doing with your time and energy?


• How do you feel about your career or lack of one?


• How do you feel about your life, in general?


• What talents and gifts do you have that you can share with the world?


• In what ways and how often do these get expressed?


• What are your favorite things to do, things that make you feel more alive?


• Make a life list of things you want to do before you die. Then start doing them. You'll find out a lot about you are and what you are interested in by this exercise.

In case you're interested, the song lyrics can be found at http://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/spamalot/findyourgrail.htm

An Estrangement with Self

Those of you who have been in my workshops or my clients know that I strongly believe that happiness is tied to being who you really are, that is, your authentic self. Another way of saying that is being true to your self (your true self).

All of us are trained from birth to be a certain way. That certain way is the way of our parents, our extended family, our friends, our church, the media, our culture, our schools and others who may have an influence on our early selves. Many of us were taught to be the opposite of who we were naturally as a child. Maybe we were too inquisitive, too rambunctious, too quiet, too smart for our britches, too pushy, and the list goes on. Maybe we chose our schools and jobs based on our parents' or grandparents' wishes. The old alma mater which was perfect for Grandpa was chosen for you as well. And you may have been gently guided (or not so gently) into your career. Possibly because your parents saw this as a good, solid career, or a money-maker for your security, or to live out the lives they were unable to live. How many mothers have pushed their own daughters to be in a sorority because they were unable to attend college? Or pushed their sons to be doctors because they never had the opportunity?

This molding is not just around careers, it shows up in every area of our lives. If you've got a problem in your life such as financial concerns or relationship concerns, you can usually look back to see how your current beliefs and values and feelings about these things were left to you by your parents or your childhood and early adult experiences.

So basically, we are estranged from our true selves. From the Merriam Webster online dictionary, estranged means:
1 : to remove from customary environment or associations 2 : to arouse especially mutual enmity or indifference in where there had formerly been love, affection, or friendliness : alienate.
In essence there is a true, natural self, one we were meant to be. Some people associate this with our personality and how we are "wired". Others believe this relates to our "purpose or mission" in this life. To be estranged from our true selves causes 90% of all our unhappiness and angst. And mostly we are blind to it. We wonder what is wrong with us that we can't be happy at this "great" job or why we can't settle down to a "nice" relationship. And, of course, the answer is that there is nothing wrong with us. The wrong comes in our being trained to be someone else besides ourselves.

We all know someone like this. The artist hidden inside the computer programmer. The doctor inside the teacher. The born to be a mom inside the woman in a yuppie childless couple. The outspoken clown inside the reserved, quiet person. It can take almost any form imaginable.

The road to authenticity can be long, but is well worth the journey. It takes experimentation, insight and awareness, love and kindness with yourself and courage. All of us can take this journey. The payoff is more happiness, confidence, solidity and self-knowledge.

Ten Winning Ways to Say No

You can't manage your life, your time, your energy if you can't say no to unreasonable requests, things you don't want to do, and things that are clearly not in your best interest. Saying no is an art, but everyone can learn to do it. If you're the least bit uneasy saying no to your boss, your spouse, your children, strangers and friends, then read on.

Here are some ways for you to say no. Be clear and firm.

1. That won’t work for me.
2. I just do not enjoy doing that/that kind of work.
3. I have another commitment.
4. My calendar is full. Or I am already overcommitted.
5. I am in the middle of several time-consuming projects.
6. I need to focus more on my (work, family, health, etc.)
7. No, can’t do it. Or just plain no.
8. I can’t do it, but I know someone who can.
9. This is not my strong suit. Or I’m not really qualified to do this.
10. I am not comfortable with that.

If you are uneasy or out of practice with saying no, here are a few tips:

Don't justify, explain, defend, negotiate, or give details about why you are saying no. Why? First because you have every right to say for no reason at all. But even if you have a reason, it's no one else's business. Also, when you give a reason, it gives the requestor a chance to argue, push or negotiate you off that position. Better to just say no, shake your head, and change the subject.

Don't apologize or say you are sorry for having to say no. This puts you in a less than firm or weaker position. You really don't have to be sorry for doing what is right for you.

If someone continues to wheedle, ask, plead, or otherwise pushes you, just continue to say no. This is taught in some assertiveness classes. Just repetitively say no until they are worn down.

Practice saying no with someone you trust. Especially if you know someone is about to ask you for something you do not want to do. (To be PTA mom, or to watch their dog for a month, or to do just one more project, e.g.) Role play with your friend asking you the question and you saying no (see above for ways to say no). Practice until you feel very comfortable doing this.

It's also good to practice on small requests and/or with strangers first. Work your way up to your spouse, your family and your boss.

Trust me, it does get easier. You, too can be a world champion no-sayer!

What's your favorite way to say no? Leave a comment.


By Mary Anne Fields of Life Unfolds, copyright 2007, all rights reserved. http://www.LifeUnfolds.com

Wise Ones Say

Here are a few quotes to ponder.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

"When it comes to the words you choose, whether in your mind or amongst friends, let them be of what you like and love. What you care about and cherish. What makes you happy. What gives you wings. What makes you dream. And very little else. --The Universe" Mike Dooley

“Where there is purpose, there is energy. Actions directed toward a compelling purpose will create a powerful momentum that lines up events and circumstances in your favor. Purpose gives you a reason to get going each day and strengthens your determination to persist when the going gets tough. Purpose pushes you firmly toward your highest level of accomplishment.” Ralph Marston

"Measure yourself by your best moments, not by your worst. We are
too prone to judge ourselves by our moments of despondency and
depression." Robert Johnson

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." Albert Einstein


One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices
one makes.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Do you have a favorite quote to share? Leave a comment!