Talking Yourself Out of Life

One of the illuminating exercise we do in my workshops includes a list of questions designed to ferret out your inner desires or dreams. We spend about 30 to 45 minutes answering the questions individually and then share the answers. It is amazing to me how often the answers are easily achievable or could be done right now in a few minutes. Sometimes everything on their list is easily do-able, inexpensive and could be accomplished in a reasonable amount for time. And yet the desires remain unfulfilled.

Let me give you an example. One woman's answer to one of the questions was that she wanted red shoes. She said she's wanted them for years. Really didn't even matter to her whether they were high heels or tennis shoes, expensive or cheap, they just had to be red. When asked why she didn't just go buy some? Because they are "impractical" and she already had enough shoes. She practiced living simply and this didn't fit in with her rules about owning stuff. All of which is fine except that she really wanted those shoes!

Pfffffttt!

When I suggested she go after class and buy the red shoes, she look amazed and said, "I guess I could do that." She talked herself out of something she wanted based on a life rule she made up (or was passed on to her). At the very least, she would have learned something about herself if she'd bought the shoes. Instead, she denied herself a little joy, a little self-knowledge and ignored a longing of hers. Therein lies the road to unhappiness.

I've noticed that all of us make decisions not to try something, not to go for what we want, not to have something we want or be different, often, before we even try. Sometimes it is because of the box we're stuck in. Another way of saying that is because we live within our own rules, ones we made up or inherited and can't seem to break away from them. At times it is because of "conventional" wisdom. Or we are listening to others instead of following our hearts. Sometimes we don't want to rock the boat.

I heard one of my clients say the other day that she didn't want to be disappointed so she didn't try for things. After all, why set yourself up to be disappointed? The answer is because if you don't try you will miss the great things, you miss delivering on your dreams, you miss all the self-knowledge that comes with trying and winning, and yes, trying and not succeeding. You can't win if you don't play!

So what are you stopping yourself from doing without even trying? What is missing from your life that you could easily do, be or have? What is the self-talk you are listening to that stops you before you make an honest effort to satisfy your desires and live your dreams? Write them down and label them appropriately. Are they excuses? Are they your thoughts or someone else's? Can you give yourself permission to get what you want even though there are "good" reasons not to go for it?

Going after what you desire is what makes life juicy. It's what brings on the joy and expands your life force. So open up the box and step outside of it. It's where all the adventure is.

Best Laid Plans

Without meaning to, I seemed to have skipped posting to my blogs and sending out my newsletter for two whole months! You may have been wondering what has happened to me. Ah, life happened.

The past two months have been the happy and exciting culmination of our (my husband and I) ten year plan to downsize, semi-retire and travel more. Yes, we had a ten year plan and actually have managed to achieve it. My husband retired from his corporate job. We'll both be working part-time but on our schedules. We sold our home and moved to a much smaller house, about half the size of the former one. This has resulted in lots of culling of possessions, mostly easy but with a few hard decisions. We are still in the throes of unpacking and settling in.

We are planning much more travel and just generally a slower lifestyle. We're going to San Diego this month and then to North Carolina and Georgia in October. Our dreams continue to come true.

The Incredible Power of Communication in Attracting What You Desire

Communication, the exchanging of information, ideas, feelings, beliefs and values are a vital part of living the law of attraction. Communication openly expresses and validates the positive thoughts and feelings you are aiming for in LOA.

The next time you are out with a few of your friends or with your family, really notice the conversations going on. Most of the time we talk about the past, or the future. Less often, we talk about what is going on with us right now. Either way, we often talk habitually. That is we express ourselves in a certain style: gossipy, seriously, poking fun, sarcastically, dramatically, complaining and so on. Mostly, the communication can be thought of as positive or negative. The communication represents our thoughts and feelings (most of the time). The communication focuses on positive thoughts and feelings, or focuses on negative thoughts and feelings.

Language is very important in communication. What words you choose to express your thoughts and feelings can actually change your thoughts and feelings. Let me give you an example. I used to have a friend who loved to gossip, usually maliciously, about others. I often had lunch with her where we both worked. I would be feeling happy and relaxed when I went to lunch, but after a few minutes of tearing down other folks, I would feel uneasy, anxious and guilty. My thoughts when gossiping about others in a negative way changed my feelings.

Thoughts and feelings and the consequent verbal expression about the past often tend to be negative. We look back at when we were hurt or neglected, at past wrongs, either our own or someone else’s towards us. Unless you are thinking about beautiful, happy memories, your past thoughts can hold you back from what you want to create, your dreams.

When we look at and talk about the future, it often is filled with fear and apprehension. Some of us are very optimistic about the future so it will take the form of positive anticipation.

We’ve all heard the expression, be here now. The present time, right now, is the only place your innate creativity and joy can come into play. You can do nothing about the past and the future is not here yet. As Eckhart Tolle would say, all your power is in the now. Your power to create and live your dreams. The more we stay in the present, think and feel in the present and communicate in the present, intentionally in a positive way, the better the outcome.

Exercise 1
For the rest of the week, pay close attention to the conversations in which you participate.

• Are they focused on the past?


• On the future?


• What is the primary feeling being expressed?


• Do some people tend to be more or less positive or negative?


• What is your habitual talking pattern (if any)?

Identify the ten people you communicate with most often. Can you generally identify their communication style as positive or negative? Notice where these conversations tend to go. How do you feel after communicating with each for any length of time? Better or worse?

Notice your own speech patterns. Are they full of lack or full of abundance? Do they tend toward complaining about or appreciating the past, present or future? Do you find fault with others and the environment? Do you focus on issues and problems or the miracles that happen every moment?

Record at least one conversation with someone else. When you listen to the recording, notice how often you fall back into negative expression or how often you stay in the now with positive communication. Is your communication where you want it? Is it in line with your intentions of creating your dreams?

What we really want to communicate is positive thoughts and feelings about the past, present and future. We want to intentionally focus on what we are desiring our future life to be, the positive aspects of the present and only the positive aspects of the past, those moments when you were happiest.

Exercise 2
You should be more aware of how you are communicating with others based on previous exercises. You may be able to recognize when the conversation is negative. Set your intention right now, today, to have more positive communication with others. Recognize your ability to influence the conversation. Choose not to participate in negative conversations. Change the subject to something more positive and persist. This may take some practice and some folks may never get on board. But you can control your own part of the conversation. Refuse to go down the negative path.

Talk (only) about what is going well in your life. Include generous doses of what you want to have, do or be. Include your positive intentions. Every time you notice you’ve wandered off onto the negative (lack, complaining, anxious) path, gently steer yourself back. Take a deep breath and deliberately move back onto the positive conversational path. Smile and remain focused on all the good that is happening and will happen in your life. Give yourself a pat on the back for being willing to change.


Copyright 2007, Mary Anne Fields, LifeUnfolds.com

Wise Ones Say

Here are a few quotes to ponder.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

"When it comes to the words you choose, whether in your mind or amongst friends, let them be of what you like and love. What you care about and cherish. What makes you happy. What gives you wings. What makes you dream. And very little else. --The Universe" Mike Dooley

“Where there is purpose, there is energy. Actions directed toward a compelling purpose will create a powerful momentum that lines up events and circumstances in your favor. Purpose gives you a reason to get going each day and strengthens your determination to persist when the going gets tough. Purpose pushes you firmly toward your highest level of accomplishment.” Ralph Marston

"Measure yourself by your best moments, not by your worst. We are
too prone to judge ourselves by our moments of despondency and
depression." Robert Johnson

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." Albert Einstein


One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices
one makes.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Do you have a favorite quote to share? Leave a comment!