Magical Mantra

I have a magical mantra that instantly makes me feel (and act) better. It's "I have everything I need right now." Doesn't sound like much and you may be thinking, oh for goodness sake, how can she even say that? It's not true! But I am here to tell you that 99.9% of the time it is true and it's true for most of us. What do I mean?

If you think about each and every moment you live, you will find that most of the time, you do really have everything you need. You have shelter, food, water, clothing, a source of income, companionship, health, and so on. It is rare indeed that we actually lack anything. But that is not what most of us experience. And that is because we don't live in the present moment (or in the now).

Let's take the example of money. Let's say that you live paycheck to paycheck. You may not have saved much money and occasionally have trouble paying bills on time. In this example, at least once every month or so, you will not have enough money, so indeed you do not have everything you need. But that lasts only a few moments, when you write the check or have to call the landlord. The other 99.9% of the month you are fine. Even in this example, most people are able to make ends meet eventually. So most of the time we are fine and have everything we need, but we do not experience it that way. We instead worry about the anticipated lack of money each and every day, sometimes for much of the day. We lose sleep hashing it over in our minds. We talk about it with our friends and family, thus increasing the anxiety. We become anxious and even depressed. And this causes us to be unhappy much of the time. We are not living in the moment where we really do have everything we need. We are living in the future where we believe (rightly or wrongly) that we do not have enough.

This is true no matter what our issues are: health, love, careers, home, and so on. Most of the time, we do have everything we need in each and every moment. It is the rare moment when we do not have everything we perceive we need.

Can you imagine what it would be like to live as if you had everything you needed and wanted in each and every moment? Wouldn't that be the very definition of happiness and contentment? What if your life was such that you only worried 1% of the time or felt lack or unhappiness less than 5% of the time? Wouldn't that be a wonder?

How can we change to be more in the moment and to experience more happiness in our lives?

• Meditate daily. Even 10 minutes of sitting meditation will help. Meditation will help you to know your consciousness or awareness (or Mind) directly. It will also help you to develop some distance so that your actions will be thoughtful responses instead of reactions.
• Contemplate what actually happens in your life. What amount of lack do you really experience? How much do you already have? How does this lack affect your life and your happiness and how often does it occur? How much time do you spend worrying, being anxious over, thinking about, or talking about your problems? Is this realistically warranted? Does the worrying help? Or hurt? Try to gain an accurate picture of what your situation truthfully is or is not.
• When you start to worry or feel anxious about your situation or to feel the need to discuss it, find something that will help you return to the present moment, when and where you have everything you need. Maybe it is my magical mantra "I have everything I need right now" or maybe it is a visualization or an activity like walking or meditating. Remind yourself that you have everything you need right now and that worrying/talking/ruminating will not help.
• Take action to correct the problem if it is possible. Then forget about it.
  
  When I find myself worrying, I simply remind myself, "I have everything I need right now." It is a reminder to live now, not in the past and not in the future.

What the Heck is Beginner's Mind?

Beginner's Mind..."refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner in that subject would." Deron Henson

"If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities; in the expert's mind there are few."
From Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind By Shunryu Suzuki

"Everything is fresh and new; it is fabulous just because it can happen." Lama Ole Nydahl, Diamond Way Buddhism

Before a recent trip to Colorado, I always thought I knew, at least intellectually, what beginner's mind meant. I could think about what it meant, but didn't really have a real life experience to go with it. Now I do!

Just before the trip, we bought an electronic GPS. We opened the box after we started on the trip thinking we'd play with it on the trip and learn how to use it. It was our first experience with a GPS.

What a miracle! We were astounded by this tool, that someone dreamed it up, that someone somehow put all that data, roads, turns, traffic and road construction congestion, detours, altitudes, time and lots of other tools all in one palm-sized gadget. As we played with it and it showed us where to go, took us around roadblocks and traffic, talked us through course corrections, we were delighted, felt wonder and vast appreciation just because it exists. We fell out of our typical intellectual struggle with new electronics. We didn't feel the usual ho-hum, oh well, just another gadget. We feel excited, tickled, really joyous with the GPS.

When the feeling didn't go away after a day or two, we noticed something exciting was happening. We felt somewhat like a child with a new toy on Christmas day. Filled with wonder and delight, all related to this tool. We finally decided that this was what beginner's mind must feel like.

We could have, of course, put this tool into the conceptual bucket with all electronics. We could have been bored with it, or been critical of its shortcomings, could have felt threatened by it and a myriad of other feelings. But we didn't. For whatever reason, we fell into a different mind space with this new toy, one of simple wonder that it could exist at all.

We are encouraged by teachers and experts to approach all situations with a beginner's mind, that is to stop putting everything into a preconceived conceptual box and to be open to the real experience in the moment. We, as humans with egos, rarely actually experience anything. We are too busy living in the past or projecting ourselves into the future. You can see this for yourself at parties or business functions. Often, someone will walk up and introduce themselves and ask "what do you do?" As soon as you say I'm a secretary, or doctor, or whatever, you've lost them. They are busy putting you into their previously set up boxes through which they filter everything: "Oh, a doctor, I hate doctors, I need to move on" or "Secretary? She doesn't look very much like a secretary." and so on. They aren't actually experiencing YOU. They are just putting you through their own filter (concept) and pegging you as they peg all others. We do this continuously with most activities, thoughts and feelings during each day. You have to be in the moment, or to "be here now" as Ram Dass would say, to actually experience beginner's mind. It is looking at something with fresh eyes, just as a small child would.

So, now I know what beginner's mind feels like. How about you?

Wanting What You Have

We are often told to feel and express gratitude as a way of being happier and a way of practicing the law of attraction. The law of attraction simply says that what you think and feel is what you get. So it follows that if you are feeling grateful for something you have or something you have experienced, then your thoughts and feelings are positive ones of appreciation, which then create more of the same in your life. For example, if you are very grateful for a loving, kind friend, it sets you up to receive more loving kindness. If you are grateful for the money you have, it sets you up energetically with the Universe to receive more and to have plenty of money. The thoughts and feelings of gratitude are the key to this, not the things you received themselves.

So how does this gratitude thing work? First, when you are feeling gratitude, then you NOT feeling anger, resentment, sadness, or angst of any kind. You are feeling and thinking positive thoughts and feelings. So when you are not feeling the negative emotions, you must be ... happy! Okay, gratitude may not equate to happiness for you, but it is positive. Second, gratitude is one of the highest (most positive) emotions vibrationally that you can have. You've gone straight to a home run, rather than lingering on first base. Third, it is the very opposite of wanting, grasping, feeling lack, needing, feeling greedy, etc. When you feel gratitude, you know in your deepest heart that you have what you want and need and you recognize it through your gratitude.

So how does one generate gratitude? For some of us it comes naturally. Maybe we've been trained that way or maybe it's our nature. But all of us can feel and express gratitude. If it doesn't come naturally, then practice it. I suggest writing out your "gratitudes" each day. At first they may not flow freely. But with practice, they come to mind more easily and you will find that some of the things you "think" you are grateful for, actually generate the emotion of "gratitude". For example, on my list might be "I'm grateful for a steady supply of electricity so that I can write this newsletter, that my husband makes smoothies each morning and serves them to me in a tall glass, that I have a top notch computer, that one of my grandchildren is able to visit me often, and so on." Now some of these do not elicit much emotion, they are just thoughts. For example, the gratitude for electricity was a thought, but didn't change my emotions; however, the longer I thought about it and what it would mean to do without electricity, to be in the dark, to not have all the tools we use daily (refrigerator, computer, phone, lights), the more grateful I become for it. The thoughts generated the emotion. The thought about my grandson generates an immediate emotion of gratitude. So from these examples, you can see that some gratitudes you may have to play with a bit to actually feel the gratitude. The important thing to remember is that we must FEEL the gratitude not just think it. It is the feeling of appreciation that is the key to feeling happier and to having more of what we really want.

The Incredible Power of Communication in Attracting What You Desire

Communication, the exchanging of information, ideas, feelings, beliefs and values are a vital part of living the law of attraction. Communication openly expresses and validates the positive thoughts and feelings you are aiming for in LOA.

The next time you are out with a few of your friends or with your family, really notice the conversations going on. Most of the time we talk about the past, or the future. Less often, we talk about what is going on with us right now. Either way, we often talk habitually. That is we express ourselves in a certain style: gossipy, seriously, poking fun, sarcastically, dramatically, complaining and so on. Mostly, the communication can be thought of as positive or negative. The communication represents our thoughts and feelings (most of the time). The communication focuses on positive thoughts and feelings, or focuses on negative thoughts and feelings.

Language is very important in communication. What words you choose to express your thoughts and feelings can actually change your thoughts and feelings. Let me give you an example. I used to have a friend who loved to gossip, usually maliciously, about others. I often had lunch with her where we both worked. I would be feeling happy and relaxed when I went to lunch, but after a few minutes of tearing down other folks, I would feel uneasy, anxious and guilty. My thoughts when gossiping about others in a negative way changed my feelings.

Thoughts and feelings and the consequent verbal expression about the past often tend to be negative. We look back at when we were hurt or neglected, at past wrongs, either our own or someone else’s towards us. Unless you are thinking about beautiful, happy memories, your past thoughts can hold you back from what you want to create, your dreams.

When we look at and talk about the future, it often is filled with fear and apprehension. Some of us are very optimistic about the future so it will take the form of positive anticipation.

We’ve all heard the expression, be here now. The present time, right now, is the only place your innate creativity and joy can come into play. You can do nothing about the past and the future is not here yet. As Eckhart Tolle would say, all your power is in the now. Your power to create and live your dreams. The more we stay in the present, think and feel in the present and communicate in the present, intentionally in a positive way, the better the outcome.

Exercise 1
For the rest of the week, pay close attention to the conversations in which you participate.

• Are they focused on the past?


• On the future?


• What is the primary feeling being expressed?


• Do some people tend to be more or less positive or negative?


• What is your habitual talking pattern (if any)?

Identify the ten people you communicate with most often. Can you generally identify their communication style as positive or negative? Notice where these conversations tend to go. How do you feel after communicating with each for any length of time? Better or worse?

Notice your own speech patterns. Are they full of lack or full of abundance? Do they tend toward complaining about or appreciating the past, present or future? Do you find fault with others and the environment? Do you focus on issues and problems or the miracles that happen every moment?

Record at least one conversation with someone else. When you listen to the recording, notice how often you fall back into negative expression or how often you stay in the now with positive communication. Is your communication where you want it? Is it in line with your intentions of creating your dreams?

What we really want to communicate is positive thoughts and feelings about the past, present and future. We want to intentionally focus on what we are desiring our future life to be, the positive aspects of the present and only the positive aspects of the past, those moments when you were happiest.

Exercise 2
You should be more aware of how you are communicating with others based on previous exercises. You may be able to recognize when the conversation is negative. Set your intention right now, today, to have more positive communication with others. Recognize your ability to influence the conversation. Choose not to participate in negative conversations. Change the subject to something more positive and persist. This may take some practice and some folks may never get on board. But you can control your own part of the conversation. Refuse to go down the negative path.

Talk (only) about what is going well in your life. Include generous doses of what you want to have, do or be. Include your positive intentions. Every time you notice you’ve wandered off onto the negative (lack, complaining, anxious) path, gently steer yourself back. Take a deep breath and deliberately move back onto the positive conversational path. Smile and remain focused on all the good that is happening and will happen in your life. Give yourself a pat on the back for being willing to change.


Copyright 2007, Mary Anne Fields, LifeUnfolds.com

What If

We all play the what-if game and some of us play it often. Worrying often takes the form of what if: "What if he leaves me?", "What if I get fired?", "What if my home doesn't sell?", "What if the doctor gives me bad news?". We can what if ourselves into a frenzy, adding anxiety after anxiety until we can only see bad news on the horizon.

I was recently conversing with a group of intelligent, talented, courageous women. One of them is contemplating a divorce. The conversation went something like this: "I just don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so unhappy. I know I don't love him anymore. But what if I am poor for the rest of my life? What if the girls (daughters) are scarred for life? What if I can't support us?" and so on. I countered with "what if you are incredibly happy after you leave, what if this is the best thing you could do for yourself and your children, what if you found you had plenty of money and could make it yourself, what if you were in a relationship where you were valued and appreciated, loved and respected?" She blinked a couple of times and slowly said, "Well, I guess that could happen." And then she smiled.

Somehow we think that worrying in this way, imagining negative futures, is a way of coming to a decision. We don't call it worrying, we call it logically thinking through a decision. We believe we are rationally reviewing options.

It's a funny thing, the games our minds play. What ifs most often take a negative form. They tend to scare us into behaving or scare us into staying the course. They often catastrophize our futures with the absolute worst that can happen. We rarely what if with the best that can happen.

So let's play a game. Let's call it What If - Positive.

Start right now with a problem that you are trying to solve or a decision you have to make. It can be small or large, trivial or important. But one where you are having trouble moving forward. Now play what if by imagining all the wonderful things that can happen if you move forward, if you decide or if you solve the problem. What if you were happier beyond your wildest dreams? What if everything turned out better than you expect? What if you were absolutely making the right decision? What if everything you want to happen just falls into place easily and quickly? What if all parties ended up better off than before? What if this was the perfect thing for you to do, right now? Of course, you'll want to make it specific to your situation, but play with it. Run wild and free in your imagination. Insist and intend that positive things will happen. See what happens in your body? In your mind?

The more you play this game, the more natural it will seem and the more often you will choose the positive what ifs rather than the usual negative what ifs. Practice it daily and see how much easier decisions are and how much better you feel.

What Do You Really Know?

One of the guidelines I usually give at the beginning of my workshops is to keep an open mind. As soon as we hear ourselves saying "Oh, I already know this" or "That's not true", we have lost our ability and will to learn something new, to hear something said in a different way, and to be "enlightened".

We all go through much of our lives, especially as middle aged adults, believing we already know most of what we need to know. Which is kind of silly when you think of it. Many of us are unhappy, depressed, angry, hate our jobs, dislike our relationships, are estranged from family...and yet we think we already know everything we need to know. Some of us are very tied to the story of "I know" or another way of saying that is "I am superior because I know."

Recently, I was hit over the head with this concept again. I hurt my right shoulder several months ago. After four months, I went to the doctor who xrayed me and said I had a "bone spur". He sent me to a surgeon. Now, about ten years ago, I had a bone spur in my left shoulder and had to have surgery to fix it. I "knew" what was involved. So I arranged my schedule to keep it open for the surgery on my right shoulder. I knew how long the rehab would take and how much discomfort I was in for. I was deeply upset about having to have surgery. I spent about a week spinning around talking about it at every turn, feeling anxious. Then I visit the surgeon who assures me I do not have a bone spur and that no surgery is needed. Of course, I was relieved, but the lesson was not lost. I had just lost a week of emotional equilibrium, even happiness, because "I knew" I was going to have surgery. I had closed my mind completely because "I knew".

I definitely was not living in the moment. I was not experiencing what the Buddhists call beginner's mind. I jumped way ahead looking at my imagined future, sure that I knew what was going to happen, how it was going to affect me, and what the doctor would say. Another way of saying this is I just made it all up. One can say, yes, but you had good reason because of previous experience, but that really doesn't fly. History does not always repeat itself, especially where humans are involved. We all have the chance to make changes, to react differently, to have a different perspective. If I had been living in the moment, experiencing life as it comes, the effect of the whole episode would have been minimal to non-existent. Instead it turned into a drama, something to dread and be unhappy about.

How often do we do this? Make up stories based on false expectations of our future? Or relive false memories of our past? I say false, because our brains are very selective about what we remember and emotions play a big part in how it is remembered. How much of what we experience on any given day is simply not true, not real? The next time, you feel yourself tightening up and the idea of "I know this already" comes to your mind, stop and free yourself. Remind yourself to relax and let go and live here right now. Life is much easier if you can keep a beginner's mind.

The Proof

I've written several articles on being versus doing. I believe that we are worthy of love, prosperity and success just because we exist. We do not have to earn the right to have these. However, many of us still struggle with our beliefs about our own worthiness and greatness. If you need a boost in this area, here is an exercise to help.

Do you lack self-confidence in your ability to achieve? Do you need proof that you are competent, worthy of success, capable of handling what comes to you? Are you afraid of failure? Here's an exercise to truly own your greatness.

List your life accomplishments. Yes, all of them. Search high and low and include everything you can think of. Ask your family and friends to offer suggestions. Spend an hour or two or three on this.

Here's just a few from my own list as an example:

1. Won fourth grade spelling bee.
2. Graduated high school.
3. Graduated college with a business degree while working and raising a family.
4. Raised a loving, sweet son.
5. Learned and taught sign language.
6. Learned to drive a car.
7. Painted a house.
8. Learned about financial matters and invested my own money.
9. Learned to ride a bicycle, row a canoe and kayak, play volleyball, softball, racquetball.
10. Ran 6 miles.
11. Learned to crawl and walk and talk.
12. Learned to cook.
13. Created a website and blogs.
14. Became a corporate Vice-President.
15. Programmed computers.
16. Camped alone. Set up my own tent.

Your list may run to the hundreds and many pages.

Pick out the top ten life achievements. Write down what skills, traits and activities it took you to accomplish this. Again, here's an example.

"Graduated college while working full-time and raising a family."

Skills and traits:
Organization skills
Speed reading
High energy
Perseverance
Intelligence
Drive/ambition
Time management
Study skills
Communication skills
Assertiveness skills
Flexibility
Planning skills
Writing skills
Test taking skills
Courage
And the list goes on.

Now turn each of these into "I" statements. For example, I am courageous. I am flexible. I have exceptional planning skills. I have good communication skills, etc. Play with the wording until it feels good, feels right, feels strong.

Even though I was not aware of the law of attraction or the idea of manifesting at the time, I know that graduating college was an incredibly strong desire for me. I can look back and see synchronistic events that led me to get enrolled and to finish. Look at your top ten from this point of view as well.

Now one of the obstacles that may jump up when you do this is comparing yourself to others or to some ideal. For example, yes, I graduated from college, but I don't have a Master's or Ph.D. Or yes, I learned to walk and talk, but everybody does that so it doesn't count. Or yes, I learned to cook, but I could have been a gourmet cook. These are all manifestations of your inner critic, that part of yourself that will never be satisfied with what you do (no matter what). If you'd gotten two Ph.D.'s, your inner critic would have said "you could have had a MD or a third PhD."
This is one inner voice that must be tamed. Try for this exercise, to just acknowledge the voice and let it go.

Are you convinced? Do you see your greatness? Are you willing to admit that you are a successful person and can do pretty much anything you set your mind to do? Can you own it and say out loud, "I really am great!"

Notice:

1. By taking one step at a time, often very small steps, you accomplished big or advanced goals.
2. You learned things you may have thought were difficult or impossible at the time.
3. You have many traits you need for success and some are very well developed.
4. You have accomplished a lot more than you might feel or think.
5. You have had many successes in your life.
6. Many, if not all, of these goals started out as desires.
7. You may have had fear about doing some of these things and did them anyway.

What did you learn in this excrcise? Anything you want to share?