Mid-Life Unfolds

Life Unfolds - Dedicated to "Attracting What's Next in Mid-Life and Beyond!" Have you reached mid-life or beyond and are you wondering what is next? Life Unfolds provides business and personal coaching and training to help you thrive while answering the what nexts. We specialize in helping mid-lifers achieve their dreams, change careers, retire happily and to thrive through transitions. More information can be found at http://www.lifeunfolds.com.



Wednesday, January 31, 2007

New Workshop Schedule 2007

See my workshops for March and April at http://www.LifeUnfolds.com/workshops.htm

More to come!

Daily Attraction and Inspiration

I love this short attraction-based movie. It's really the trailer for the movie "The Secret" and is called "The Secret to Riches", but it would be great to watch every morning and night as an affirmative reminder of how attraction will work in your life. Several of my readers have mentioned they are watching the movie, The Secret, every day. Also, a wonderful reinforcement for learning to use the laws of attraction. But if you don't have that much time, here's something much quicker.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0_qK6kxLno

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Dialogue to Get Unstuck


If you are not getting what you want, if the abundance is not showing up, if things are stagnant in your life, then maybe it's time you speak up. In my workshops and in my coaching, the first step to getting what you want in your life is to KNOW what you want in your life. Obvious, huh? But in each of my workshops, there are at least a few who do not know what they want. They know "this" isn't it, but are not sure what they truly desire. Why is this?

We have conflicting beliefs and often conflicting values. It's sometimes difficult to decide what we desire because different parts of us want different things or think the thing we desire is good or bad or healthy or unhealthy and so on. Another way of saying this is we vacillate or we are ambivalent. We may have a hidden desire or passion, but the linear side of us "judges" that as negative or impossible. Sometimes we want success, sometimes we don't want to work at all. Sometimes we want a loving relationship, other times we think being single is the best. Sometimes we want to be a writer, other times we think that is too solitary an occupation. We go round and round.

Another block is catastrophizing the imagined results so that we live in fear. One of the common ones with some of the entrepreneurs I work with is looking forward to the envisioned future and seeing (a) total loss of our time being busy and overwhelmed because of incredible success, or (b) our beloved work turned into something we hate. We lose sight of the fact that at each step of the way we decide what our next step is. It is not here one day and President of the United States tomorrow. There are many steps along the way and many times where we can decide to stay with our vision, our goals, our intention and shy away from things that would overwhelm us or kill our passion. It is always within our control and our choice.

So how do we get out of these stuck positions? Start a dialogue. Speak up. Put your thoughts out instead of sitting on them, repressing them or having them whirl around in your head. Here are a few ideas on how to start the dialogue that will lead you to clarity.

1. Dialogue with yourself. This can be done in several ways, but here are a couple of ideas. Try to keep this light and energetic.

First just write it out as if it were a dialogue in a book. Person A (give it a catchy name like "judge", "excitement freak", "little old lady" or whatever seems appropriate) speaks first and states their position. Person B (also with a catchy name) speaks next and so on. When you start writing state your intention that the writing will result in resolution and clarity. Do this each time you write.

Another way to dialogue with yourself is to set up two chairs opposite one another. Person A (you) sits in one chair and talks out loud stating your position. Then you move to the other chair and become Person B. Move back and forth. Again at the beginning state your intention that the dialogue will result in resolution and clarity.

2. Dialogue with a trusted, supportive friend. Simply ask for help from them; ask them to listen and with gentle kindness, offer their viewpoint or to ask you good, hard questions. Again, be sure your intention is to gain resolution and clarity in what you desire.

3. Dialogue with a professional. A coach is perfect for this kind of dialogue. It is her job and she is trained to help you clarify by listening and asking good questions. To contact me about coaching, simply drop me a line at maf@lifeunfolds.com.

If you are stuck and can't seem to get what you desire, then dialogue your way through the block.

Please leave a comment if you found this helpful or would like to add to the ideas.

All content copyrighted, 2007, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Nature as Meditation


Nature inspires us, fills us with awe, and provides us with visual and auditory beauty. For me, nature is spiritual. It can change my sense of self, and alter my emotions and thoughts just by sitting or walking quietly in nature outdoors. My own preferences include an ocean beach, forests, creeks, waterfalls and mountains, and the skies above. Each of these in its own way fills me up, spiritually. Others love the desert, lakes, or fields of grass. Some love gardens filled with flowers. Nature can inspire even when raining or snowing or windy. Go out and experience it for yourself. I love to walk in the rain and even to watch thunderstorms. Every experience in nature can be a kind of meditation, even hiking or kayaking.

Meditating in nature or on nature gives you another layer of insight, more depth in knowing about yourself and in healing yourself. Meditation can calm a noisy mind, will help you learn more about yourself, can answer the big questions in your life, will help you to be more grounded and centered, and to have equanimity and calm. Even five minutes a day will make a big difference. Fifteen to thirty is ideal. But don't let the lack of time stop you.

To meditate simply sit quietly outdoors. Sitting up straight will keep you from feeling sleepy. Observe what is around you, notice the beauty. Notice the sounds and sights and sensations, but don't create stories in your head about them. Don't like or dislike them. Simply notice and let them go. Gently close your eyes and breathe. Notice your breath as it comes and goes. If thoughts intrude, simply imagine that they are clouds in the sky and watch them go by. I end my meditations with gratitude. In this case, gratitude for nature and all it provides and for the time and energy to meditate.

I hope you will try it a few times. See what works best for you. Let me know what your experience is with meditating or send me questions.

All content including photos are copyrighted, 2006, by Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds. All rights reserved.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Wealth versus Happiness

Someone recently left a comment to one of my blogs pointing out that wealth does not bring happiness and that people would be better off if they spent their time facing up to that rather than searching for more wealth, especially if they can pay their bills already. You won't see that comment because it was anonymous and I've made it a policy not to allow anonymous comments. However, the point is valid.

In my workshops and in my coaching, I often speak of the endless search for happiness outside ourselves. We look to wealth to make us happy. We look to careers, children, spouses, sex, clothing, entertainment, food, alcohol, drugs, vacations, and just about anything else you can think of, thinking that finally this is the thing that will make us happy. So why do we keep searching for that elusive thing out there? The thing that will make us happy?

Because we are human. Humans desire things. Humans desire, period. Even saying that though does not mean that we cannot learn what makes us happy and what does not. We all have had the experience of desiring something strongly. If we ever stop to question why we desire it, the answer is almost always something related to how we will feel when we have it. We will feel happier, more secure, stronger, better, good, excited, prettier, sexier, healthier, etc. Many of us want wealth because it gives us choices, more freedom to live as we wish. And why do we want freedom to live as we wish; because we believe it will make us happy. So basically most of us do not actually want the wealth itself, but what it brings us, freedom or choices or perceived prestige and so on. So we are back to looking to something outside ourselves to make us happy.

Many studies have been done about money and happiness. Most studies show that rich people are no happier than poor people. All you have to do is read any celebrity magazine to know that this is true! And that when someone gets a great deal of money as in winning the lottery, after a few weeks or months, their happiness level returns to pre-lottery-winning levels. A few studies show that increased wealth does bring a slight increase in happiness, but that may be related to relieving stress and worry in those who cannot pay their bills. That being said, not having enough money to have the basics can contribute to your unhappiness, bringing stress, illness, emotional upheaval, etc. If you have enough to make your bills and have a little extra, adding a lot more will not add to your happiness.

I also believe that one of the ways you learn that money (or anything else outside yourself) does not bring you happiness is by wanting more money, getting it and noticing that it didn't bring you the happiness you desired. In my own aha! experience, I once spent my hard earned money redecorating my house (for the first time with everything new). It was beautiful, just the way I always imagined it. It cost a lot of money and effort, but turned out perfectly. My thrill lasted only a few days. I really got in touch with what was happening. I was not happier. The expense and the time and energy spent in obtaining these material goods was a waste (other than my learning the lesson). Since then I have simplified, do not buy a lot of things and generally do not relate my happiness to material goods. But I may not have learned the lesson without having gone through the experience myself. Most of us do not learn just by others telling us something is so. We learn through experience. Many of us after getting the wealth we desired will misinterpret the missing happiness as meaning the wealth they finally got wasn't enough, and that they actually need even more to make them happy. Thus the cycle of "wanting more" continues. Every one learns in their own time and in their own way.

So what is the "take away" from this? If you want wealth or financial independence, try to figure out what you are really looking for. Is it security? Is it freedom? Is it prestige? Whatever it is, you can ask for it directly without having the wealth. If it is freedom you desire, then ask for and attract freedom. If it is happiness you desire, then ask for and attract happiness. And, really notice what adds to your happiness and what does not.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Plant a Seed, Grow a Dream

Do you have a dream? How real is it to you? Can you truly imagine what it looks like? Feels like? Do you have all the details filled in or is it kind of vague? One of the most important steps to making your dreams come true is to decide what you truly want and to be crystal clear about the dream. Here is at least one way to increase your clarity and to give the dream enough energy to begin forming.

In some of my workshops, I use a guided visualization about planting a seed and watching it grow to simulate growing our dreams. What do you do when you want to grow a garden? You first decide what you want in a garden. You know you have to prepare the soil, to plant seeds or bulbs, to nurture the young plants with water, sun and food, and then to reap the benefits of a beautiful mature garden. You know when to water and feed, when to shade or cover the plant because you pay attention to the plants. The plants themselves will tell you what is needed.

Creating a dream, bringing it into being, is very similar.

Decide what you want

First you decide what plants you want to grow. Is it a formal garden, a country cottage garden, one for butterflies or one for the shade? Will you be happy with perennials or annuals, trees and bushes, or ground cover and flowers? Do you want something that takes a lot of maintenance or only a little? All must be decided in order to have the garden you desire.

For dreams, you must also decide what it is you truly want to create in your life. Fortunately, unlike plants, you don't have to know everything before you get started. You can play with your imagination as you go along and makes changes until you have the clarity you need. What is it that lights you up, that makes your heart sing? What do you truly want? Is it a whole life makeover? Better relationships? Relocation to a beautiful place? Financial security? More freedom? Improved health and energy? So once you've decided on the basics, you are ready to plant the seed.

Plant the seed(s)

In your garden, you plant the seeds, the bulbs and the seedlings. With each seed planted, you intend and expect a healthy plant to mature. Typically you are excited and filled with anticipation of what will grow and how it will look.

Planting the seeds of your dreams is the same. Planting the seeds means to imagine in all its glory the creation of your dream, whatever it is. Create as many details as you can. Imagine the scene of your dream as if it was already in existence and with you in it. Run it like a 3-D movie in your head. Write about it in your journal. Write letters to the Universe. Tell all your friends that what you desire is on its way to you right now.

Nurture the young plants

Taking care of your young garden is part of the fun of having it. You look at it every day, watch for new shoots of plants, look to see what is growing and where. You see what needs water and if the plants are healthy or need more or less sun. Your attention and the sun, water and food give the plants their energy to thrive.

Your dream also requires energy to thrive. You nurture your dreams by focusing on them each day. Create a dream book with a 3 hole notebook and colored paper. Cut out pictures and words to represent your dream as you see it in your imagination. Write about your dream in detail. Use terms that describe the entire human experience of your dream such as how you feel, what you see, what sounds and smells are there, and anything else that adds to the "realness" of the experience. As you focus on your dream, what your dreams need to become real will become obvious to you. What actions should you take to help the dream come alive? The Universe will tell you if you only listen. Listen with your heart, your energy, your intuition.

Enjoy the garden.

As your garden grows, you gain enjoyment. Each new shoot, each gain in height or spread is a cause for pleasure. You continue to water and feed and protect as it grows. Even without the full maturity in the garden, you can see what is coming and enjoy the process of growing a garden. You can anticipate the full garden as it becomes what you envisioned. You appreciate the flowers, the trees, the shade and the ambience of the garden you have planted and nurtured.

You also enjoy your new life as your dream becomes reality. Each step of the way, as another piece falls into place, you can enjoy what has become and happily anticipate what is on the way. You can appreciate the dream unfolding before you. Even as you watch and enjoy, you continue to focus and give your dream your energy through your imagination and through your informed actions. Journal daily, keep a gratitude log, create a dream board or work in your dream book. all of this will feed your dreams as they come into reality.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Stuart Knight on Fear

Stuart Knight, one of my favorite motivational speakers, has a new video out on fear.

I strongly encourage you to watch his latest weekly video.

Watch Video At:http://www.decideshow.com/fears.html
and Stuart says: "I challenge you to grab the beautiful key and to use it. Choose something that you are afraid of doing, and do it. Open that door. I think you will love what you find on the other side."

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

California Dreamin'


I just spent a week at my brother and sister-in-law's home in southern California. They live in the mountains northeast of San Diego, an absolutely beautiful place. It was cold and dry, quite different from Houston's wet winters. We dined on my brother's accomplished Asian cooking. We watched a couple of Peter Wimsey mysteries and walked on the mountain. My brother and I even played an online game, Bespelled, together which was fun. It is very quiet and peaceful there, hawks soaring through the air, the wind in the trees. One of the things I love about going there is our conversations about everything and nothing. Here's a picture of the view from their place. I'm already looking forward to my next trip.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

From Hope To Freedom - A Short Movie

A friend and colleague of mine, James Smith, has a new video out that I think has a great message. James specializes in coaching services for "women survivors of abuse and their journey after the abuse. My recipe for change...Hope + Trust + Healing = Freedom...imagine, Your Life, Your Terms!" Check it out and visit his site.

To view the movie, click below...http://www.FromHopeToFreedom.com/2007/

To view the new and changing website...http://www.ALifeOfPossibility.com/2007/

Remember, if you're wanting to have an extraordinary2007, the blog and podcast are both a resource tohelp you stay on track. Blog: http://www.alofp.com/blog2007/
Podcast: http://www.alofp.com/pod2007/

Monday, January 22, 2007

A Little TLC

It's winter outside! The holidays are over, it's back to our regular routine. Are you taking care of yourself? Practice your kindness on YOU!

1. Take a long walk outdoors, in the rain, in the snow, in the woods or along the lake or seashore. Notice all the beautiful natural things around you. Breathe in the beauty and absorb the special qualities you can only receive when out of doors.

2. After your shower today, take the time to cover your entire body with lotion or cream. Be generous, use it everywhere. Spend a little extra effort rubbing it in, massaging your hands and feet. Yes, even the men out there could use a little nurturing of the skin. Notice how much more relaxed you feel after doing this.

3. Make yourself a cup of hot chocolate (or tea). Add a little cinnamon, use the best chocolate and add marshmallows. Serve it in your favorite, feel-good mug or your best china. Sit in front of a fire and just enjoy the sensations, smells, sounds, sights and taste. Relax.

4. Write a letter to someone from your past. Yes, an actual letter with paper and pen. Ask for forgiveness, share something about your life, or send thanks to them for being there. The result will be a lightening of your being. You will feel good.

5. Light candles or incense in whatever room you are in today. Choose your favorite scent. Notice the smell of your home or office and how good it makes you feel.

Be kind to yourself and you'll have more to give others.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

From Here to There: Why We Don't Go

Most of us have dreams. We have desires. We want to achieve things, leave a legacy. We want to be successful in love, successful in our careers, successful in life. We want to be a better person. We want a rich spiritual life. We want health and beauty. We want balance and serenity. Ultimately, we want to be happy and free.

So why don't more of us rush to do just those things? Why don't we set out on the direct path to our dreams? Why do we wallow in our misery, wring our hands and sit when we could be moving forward?

Do you have the will to go for what you want? Often we have an idea in our heads we want something, but don't have the will, the strong desire and motivation to go for it. Sometimes that means just "deciding" to do it. It's often the case that we don't do something because we never decide to. We dither; we get confused; we procrastinate. We may think, oh this will take too much work/effort/energy/money/time. Habit is a powerful force in our lives. It is our habit to live where we live, do what we do, eat what we eat, be around those we are around, choose our regular choices, etc. The "box" we live in is completely made of habit. It takes a stronger, more powerful desire to move us out of habit. If this is your reason for not succeeding at your dreams, decide now and draw upon your inner fortitude to set your will in the right direction. Drop the excuses.

Do you believe you are capable of succeeding? Maybe you have failed before. Or maybe you experience low self-esteem or low confidence. Or maybe you really don't have the skills and education needed for your dreams. If your dream is to run a million dollar company, that might seem overwhelming. You don't know how to do that yet. You don't know how to get there. But you can learn. You don't have to know right now how to run a million dollar company. You only have to know what to do today, keeping your goal in mind. As you take each step, work each day, the path will become clearer. You will learn things as you go along. Nothing you have to learn is beyond your ability. Really all you have to know is how to ask for help in learning what you need. Learning along the way in small steps, recognizing each success will go a long way toward giving you the confidence to succeed.

Do you believe you are worthy of your dreams?
Hardly any of us sit around and say "I'm not worthy". It comes out in other, often more subtle ways. Did you ever think someone you met was "out of your league"? Has the thought "I'm not good enough to get that" ever crossed your mind? Do you ever think "Oh, that's for people who are a lot smarter than I'll ever be"? How about "I'm too fat, no one will ever listen to me."? Have you ever felt guilty when someone gives you an expensive gift? Have you ever gotten a raise you felt you didn't work hard enough for (didn't deserve)? These are all indications that you may not feel worthy of all the good and prosperity that is yours. Your worth comes from existing, not from anything you do. We often think we have to "work" for our goodies, but truly the good things in life, our dreams, our abundance are ours for the asking. Because we exist, because we breathe and are alive, we are worthy. No effort required.

Are you afraid? Fear is a powerful emotion. It can propel us forward and stop us in our tracks. And we can manifest fear for almost anything! Fear of repeating history. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being seen or noticed. Fear of being invisible. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Most people are fearful of the unknown and are often fearful of stepping outside their comfort zone. We catastrophize results when we visualize what may happen. We fantasize that we may not be able to handle whatever comes. But this is almost always faulty thinking. If you decide what you want and are able to take steps in that direction, the most likely outcome by far is that you will succeed. Think of all the things you have already accomplished. There are an incredible number. You did all that by deciding and taking action. You can feel fear and still move forward. You can feel fear and still be successful. Name your fear and get moving!


All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Struggling with Prosperity?

I teach the law of attraction in my workshops. The law of attraction is that like attracts like; you attract what you think and feel about. The one change that most people desire is more prosperity. Typically they want to have more money, be financially independent, to stop struggling with finances.

Many of us have been practicing the steps to attract more prosperity into our lives. We try to think less about the lack of money and more about what we already have and is coming our way. We practicing feeling more positive about money. We practice receiving and having gratitude for everything that comes our way.

I've found that three key areas trip people up when dreaming of prosperity.

1. We are unable to receive the riches that come our way, openly without negative emotions.
2. We do not truly believe that we can have wealth and financial independence (whatever that means to you).
3. We are spending more time thinking and feeling about the lack of money than about the abundance that is everywhere.

Here are a few tips to help you over these humps.

Receiving

Receiving is very easy for some of us and almost impossible for others. It all depends on your personality, your upbringing, your values...in other words, your limiting beliefs. Some of us have "rules" around receiving. We can receive some things but not others. We can receive in some situations, but not others. We can receive from some people, but not others. It is very helpful for you to analyze and explore what is keeping you from receiving.

I have found it helpful to keep a small notebook and simply make a note when I realize I am not receiving. Some times it is after the fact, sometimes before or during. Just write the situation down and what you were thinking or feeling when you accepted or rejected something offered. After a few days or weeks of this, look at your notes and see if there is a pattern. Can you identify an underlying belief that is hindering you from receiving? A common one is: I don't deserve it. Another is: I will be seen as needy or weak or inferior if I take this. Another might be: I am self-reliant; I don't need anyone to give me anything. Or possibly it's something totally different. What is it for you?

After you have identified what the underlying limiting belief is, you can start to counteract it by doing affirmations, journaling about it, doing art around it, doing a dream board showing you receiving, EFT or other techniques. Then practice receiving. Ask those who typically might give you something, to call you on it when you are not receiving openly, gladly and gratefully.

Beliefs About Money

A lot of us simply don't believe we can be rich. I see this in my workshops. When I ask what are your dreams, and ask them to be bold and think big. Someone will say "I want to make $1000 a month" or I want to have $20,000 in the bank to start a business. If one is dreaming, why not $100,000 a month and millions in the bank? Some of us have trouble even imagining it. We simply can't draw that picture in our heads. We get embarrassed, feel crummy, feel angry or sad, call it a silly exercise or greedy to want more. As long as you can't believe it, it will not come your way. We all have a money set point. It is the amount at which we feel totally comfortable. And we all have beliefs that frame the way we perceive and receive money.

Look at your current life finances. What is in the bank? What is your income? Look at this over time. Is your current situation the best you've ever had? The worst? About typical? Try to get an accurate picture of what your money set point is by looking at the most money you've ever made and had. How does this make you feel?

Challenge yourself to expand your setpoint by 25% this year. If you've never made more than $40,000 a year, challenge yourself to believe that you can make $50,000 this year. I'm not asking you to work harder or take a second job. I'm asking you to open up your thinking and feeling to accept and feel positive about a higher number. Play with it until you feel more comfortable. Play the "what if" game. What if you had $100,000 in the bank, how would you feel? Play with the numbers until you find an amount that makes you happy with no unease, embarrassment, and negative chatter in your mind. Then work on expanding it gradually, incrementally, a little at a time. Very few of us are able to jump from $1000 a month mentally to $1,000,000 a month.

Feeling Positive

And lastly, even though we've been practicing being more positive and feeling more positive, it may remain difficult to think and feel positive about money. Especially if you lack it and need it to live! Doing the step above about your money beliefs will help this. But ultimately you need to have more positive thoughts and feelings about money than negative. This comes about through focus, spending your time on exercises to make the change and on practice.

You can change your thought patterns with affirmations specifically focused on money and prosperity. You can change your thoughts and feelings by using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Journaling about money may help. Using trigger techniques such as: (1) having a large bill in your wallet at all times will reinforce in your mind that you DO have money or (2) leaving a few dollar bills around your house reinforces that money is everywhere. Even fake money works if it looks almost real. When you notice that you are feeling cranky and thinking lack-full thoughts about money, it works best to not fight or resist it. Simply acknowledge it and move to something else. Maybe think about the fun trip you are going to take in the summer or your favorite park or music. Whatever can get your body humming again. Keep practicing and the positive thoughts about money, abundance and prosperity will come more often.

Let me know if any of these ideas helped you. Are there any that you will try? Please leave a comment.


All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Wasabi Moments

If you're up to something a little different, watch this video of Stuart Knight talking about Wasabi Moments. It's fresh and fun, but more importantly, it's a message we all need. In fact, one of my themes for 2007 just became "Wasabi Moments, Here I Come!". (Warning: If you are offended by strong language and some irreverence, Stuart might not be the guy for you.)

****WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE

http://www.decideshow.com/wasabi.html

So are you ready to start living bigger, bolder? To step out of your comfort zone, your plush-lined box? Push the limits, lose control, experience the rush of exposure, of new experiences? What wasabi moments are you avoiding? Are you willing to add some discomfort, some risk, a some unsteadiness to have a much more "lived" life?

I'll be Happy When

It's the human condition. All of us look to things outside ourselves to make us happy. How often have you said to yourself, "I'll be so happy when I get that job!" or "I'll be happy when I have my own business." or "I'll be happy when I'm married to him." or so on. Another version of this is the "if only" version. If only I was rich, I'd be happy. If only I had a boyfriend, I'd be happy. If only I looked like her, I'd be happy. What's your version of this story?

Spend a few minutes right now writing down all the things that would make you happy.

Have you noticed how often we postpone our happiness? Waiting on something "out there" to make us happy? We are in a constant state of limbo, waiting on some condition, some situation to create happiness or contentment for us. Often when we get the thing we were waiting on to make us happy, one of two things happens. First you feel happiness, but it only lasts from a few moments to a few months, depending on the event and who you are. Or it doesn't bring you happiness at all...either you find fault with it (it wasn't perfect, it wasn't what you expected, etc.) or you discovered IT wasn't what would make you happy after all.

Have you ever salivated over a beautiful sweater or a new pair of shoes. Maybe you saw them on your lunch hour but the cost was too expensive. You go back to the store several times to lust after them. You get excited and want them so badly. Underlying this desire is a feeling that the clothing will bring you happiness. Somehow the clothing will make you look better, be better and cause people to be attracted to you which will bring you happiness. Have you ever then bought the item, the sweater or the shoes, only to find that the happy feeling went away after a few minutes or a day or two? All that anticipation, all that excitement, all that money, bought you two minutes of happiness.

What about living in your dream house? You may have spent years planning it, looking at models and blueprints, dreaming of the house that was perfect for you. You envisioned yourself in the house being happier, living a better life, somehow being a better person there. After you moved into your dream house, what happened? Most likely, you were thrilled with it for a few weeks, but after a year or so, it no longer contributed to your happiness. You might be happy with the house, but not happy. You may have liked living there, and are even pleased with the house, but you had moved on to other desires to bring you happiness.

Unfortunately, that is the way it works. When you look outside yourself for happiness, even if you are able to get what you want and be happy, it never lasts. It is temporary at best. We always have a new desire arise and this new desire is what will "finally" make us happy. Not only that, looking outside ourselves for happiness means we are constantly controlled by or under the power of those things outside ourselves. If it is our job that has to make us happy, then we must find and keep the job, no matter what. We may put up with long hours, a cranky boss, underutilizing our skills, being bored, etc. If it is a mate that has to make us happy, we are dependent on him or her. If he expresses love, we're happy. If he is angry, we're unhappy.

Meanwhile, life goes on. Life is what is happening to you right now. Life can only be lived right now. It cannot be lived tomorrow, nor yesterday, only right now. And it follows that happiness can only be felt and expressed right now. If we are always waiting for something to happen or someone to do something, we are postponing our happiness. Happiness is here and now and can never be anywhere else.

As long as happiness depends on outside events, people and situations, you will live with unhappiness. Just as soon as you get rich, your husband leaves you. As soon as you find love, your health will decline. Your health gets better, and the stock market falls or you lose your job. The house you love gets termites. You get wrinkles. Your wife cheats on you. Well, you get the idea.

So where does that leave us? Happiness is chosen by you for yourself. It is a lifestyle choice, not an event or a person or a situation. The only true happiness, the only lasting happiness is that which you create for yourself from within yourself.

How does this happen? It happens when you understand and honor that you are the only person who can make you happy. (No more blaming others for your unhappiness.) It happens when you choose happiness over boredom, despair, crankiness, anger and sadness. It happens by the choices you make day in and day out. It happens when you choose to overcome your old patterns and limiting beliefs, things inside yourself that contribute to your misery. It happens when you nurture yourself, your mind, your body and your spirit. It happens by creating your own happiness in each and every moment.

Now saying this does not mean you just live with whatever cards you are dealt. You still go on trying to make your life better. You get educated. You try to find a career that pays you well and stimulates your intellect and passions. You love and are loved. You improve your friendships. You choose healthy activities and food. I'm not implying that you don't strive to have a good life. I'm saying that those things alone will not make you happy. They may contribute to your sense of well-being, but will not result in lasting happiness.

My challenge to you: don't believe me, try it out for yourself. Notice the happiness roller coaster most of us live on. We want something to make us happy, we get it, we are happy, we get unhappy, we want something else to make us happy, and so on. Then start to notice how often when we are happy, it has nothing to do with anything outside ourselves. We wake up happy one day and it lasts all day even when several "bad" things happen. If you can do it one day, you can do it every day. Start to practice. See what happens for yourself.

All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's Off to Work We Go

Have you ever noticed how often we use the word "work"? The dictionary defines work as : "exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil; task or undertaking; productive or operative activity and so on. But in real life, it has acquired a somewhat negative connotation. When a friend was recently complaining about his work, another friend said "that's why they call it work!"

We talk about "working" on our relationships, "working" on our personal growth, "working a goal", "working" on our spirituality, "working" on issues, "working" on planning a vacation, etc. We work in all areas of our lives, we apply ourselves, we toil.

Language is very important in how we view the world. It makes a big difference in our attitudes, our perceptions, and our world-view. Listen carefully to how people speak about their lives, how they use what words, and you'll get a much deeper understanding of who they are and what world they live in. For our own use, choosing different words can make a huge shift in our perception of the world, an activity, a relationship or any other activity. So noticing our language and using more appropriate language can actually change the way we think and feel about something.

I would like to propose that we change the word work to something else, something with a more positive slant. How about "play" or "experiment with" or "have fun with" or "explore" or "discover"? Each of these can be used interchangeably. What if we had fun with our relationships? What if we discovered our spirituality? What if we played with solving a problem? Doesn't that feel different? Doesn't that generate a different attitude, a different, more positive energy?

Let's see how we could use this new concept of "work".

1. Invite your team to play together rather than to work together.
2. Invite your mate to experiment with your relationship, rather than to work on your relationship.
3. Ask for others to explore with you rather than to work with you.
4. When planning a vacation or a new home or a new job, how about having fun with it instead of working on it.
5. Instead of working on body image, how about discovering body image?

What words can you think of to replace the word "work"? How can you use them to make shifts in your perception and energy?


All content copyrighted, 2006, Life Unfolds and Mary Anne Fields. All rights reserved.