A tamed mind

"A tamed mind makes you peaceful, relaxed, and happy; whereas, if your mind is not peaceful and tamed, no matter how wonderful your external circumstances, you will be beset by frights and worries. Realize that the root of your own happiness and welfare rests with a peaceful and tamed mind. It is also a great benefit to those around you."
--from Mind of Clear Light: Advice on Living Well and Dying Consciously by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, translated and edited by Jeffrey Hopkins, Ph.D.

I found this quote today and wanted to share it with you.

Magical Mantra

I have a magical mantra that instantly makes me feel (and act) better. It's "I have everything I need right now." Doesn't sound like much and you may be thinking, oh for goodness sake, how can she even say that? It's not true! But I am here to tell you that 99.9% of the time it is true and it's true for most of us. What do I mean?

If you think about each and every moment you live, you will find that most of the time, you do really have everything you need. You have shelter, food, water, clothing, a source of income, companionship, health, and so on. It is rare indeed that we actually lack anything. But that is not what most of us experience. And that is because we don't live in the present moment (or in the now).

Let's take the example of money. Let's say that you live paycheck to paycheck. You may not have saved much money and occasionally have trouble paying bills on time. In this example, at least once every month or so, you will not have enough money, so indeed you do not have everything you need. But that lasts only a few moments, when you write the check or have to call the landlord. The other 99.9% of the month you are fine. Even in this example, most people are able to make ends meet eventually. So most of the time we are fine and have everything we need, but we do not experience it that way. We instead worry about the anticipated lack of money each and every day, sometimes for much of the day. We lose sleep hashing it over in our minds. We talk about it with our friends and family, thus increasing the anxiety. We become anxious and even depressed. And this causes us to be unhappy much of the time. We are not living in the moment where we really do have everything we need. We are living in the future where we believe (rightly or wrongly) that we do not have enough.

This is true no matter what our issues are: health, love, careers, home, and so on. Most of the time, we do have everything we need in each and every moment. It is the rare moment when we do not have everything we perceive we need.

Can you imagine what it would be like to live as if you had everything you needed and wanted in each and every moment? Wouldn't that be the very definition of happiness and contentment? What if your life was such that you only worried 1% of the time or felt lack or unhappiness less than 5% of the time? Wouldn't that be a wonder?

How can we change to be more in the moment and to experience more happiness in our lives?

• Meditate daily. Even 10 minutes of sitting meditation will help. Meditation will help you to know your consciousness or awareness (or Mind) directly. It will also help you to develop some distance so that your actions will be thoughtful responses instead of reactions.
• Contemplate what actually happens in your life. What amount of lack do you really experience? How much do you already have? How does this lack affect your life and your happiness and how often does it occur? How much time do you spend worrying, being anxious over, thinking about, or talking about your problems? Is this realistically warranted? Does the worrying help? Or hurt? Try to gain an accurate picture of what your situation truthfully is or is not.
• When you start to worry or feel anxious about your situation or to feel the need to discuss it, find something that will help you return to the present moment, when and where you have everything you need. Maybe it is my magical mantra "I have everything I need right now" or maybe it is a visualization or an activity like walking or meditating. Remind yourself that you have everything you need right now and that worrying/talking/ruminating will not help.
• Take action to correct the problem if it is possible. Then forget about it.
  
  When I find myself worrying, I simply remind myself, "I have everything I need right now." It is a reminder to live now, not in the past and not in the future.

It's All In The View

I am now on my way back from a meditation retreat. I heard this story from one of the people at the retreat and thought I would share it. (Note though that I am not quoting this teacher but am paraphrasing what I understood him to say.)

Recently he, I'll call him John, and some other students as well as the Buddhist Lama were traveling around the southwest in a caravan of vans giving talks at various cities.

At one point, after travelling through the hot desert for several hours, people in the vans were getting cranky, were thirsty and hungry and needed to stretch their legs. John says they came upon a derelict gas station. It was in the middle of nowhere, looked like it was about to be condemned, and was not especially inviting. Inside, they asked for soft drinks and got lukewarm drinks that cost $4 a piece. The attendant was surly and unkempt. They paid more than $5 a gallon for gas. John said he felt appalled and upset that they were being taken advantage of.

Later that evening, the Lama was giving his talk at a local college. He started his talk with telling about the caravan trip they had just completed. He talked about how beautiful the desert was and how wonderful it was being able to travel this way. He then said that right in the middle of the desert, a palace appeared, rising up out of the vast desert. Inside the palace everything the group wanted was given to them, just for asking. Gas was available, drinks and restrooms, and a wonderful person who ran the place. Because she was there, they were able to finish their trip in comfort. And so on.

My friend, John, was shocked. He couldn't believe that the Lama had experienced the same event that he had. Later he asked the Lama about it, confronting him with his own terrible experience of the place. He asked the Lama how could he say those things about such an awful place? The Lama replied, "I was there." Basically, the Lama's experience was very different from what most of the others experienced, even though it was the same event.

This is what is called: "seeing everything on the highest plane." Can we change our perceptions to be more positive? Can we see the truth behind the facade, that everything is beautiful, just because it can happen? In the example above, the Lama was able to see how great it was that the place even existed at all, just when it was needed, that someone had the fortitude and foresight to live out in the middle of the desert just to serve others and to make a living at the same time. What a wonder!

What can we learn from this story? I know I often experience things negatively and make judgments, even without all the facts. I wish to live in the world as my teacher does, seeing things on the highest plane. I wish to be grateful that others provide food, and clothing, and clean rooms, services, products and everything else I need to live in the modern world. It takes practice to find the good and to see things positively.

Stop Complaining 101

Have you ever noticed how often we complain? We complain about our situation, our spouse, our children, our jobs, our city, our world, our politicians, our street, the weather, and so on.

I recently went to a spiritual retreat with my Buddhist teacher, Lama Ole Nydahl. He is a living example of everything I wish to be. I have never, not even once, seen him complain about anything. I have been with him many times, sometimes for a week at a time and have never witnessed him in any kind of negativity. That is what I wish to live like.

But what do I do? Do I practice being in a positive state all the time? Do I emulate my teacher so I can become more like him? No, I complain!

Driving home from this retreat, I really began to notice how often I have a negative thought or negative comment about something. Here are a few examples:

"Look at all this flat land (in north Texas and southern Colorado). Who would want to live here? I think it's ugly."

"Wow, it's too hot out here." "Wow, it's too cold out here." "Wow, it's too windy."

When sitting in my brand new, air conditioned, fully loaded hybrid Camry, I "wonder why they put this button here, it would be lots more efficient over there."

"I think this steak is overcooked." "I think my Sprite is watery." "I wish I had more salad dressing." "They didn't give me enough ice."

My ego seems to be a never ending stream of negative commentary on everything around me. And I am basically a very positive person!! Much of the above was not expressed out loud, but the thoughts were still there.

I know a man who is probably the most negative person I've ever met. In the many hours I've spent with him, my guess is that 95% of what he says is negative. I ask, who are your friends and what are they like? He spends thirty minutes telling me how bad they are, how they are negative and unfriendly, how they have betrayed him, how they really aren't that interesting, and so on. Then I ask about his job, and he responds at length about how he doesn't like the people, the work is too hard or boring, the office is too small, it's too long a commute, and so on. Even his hobby which he says he loves, is expressed with negativity. He doesn't have the right tools and supplies, the outcome of his projects are bad, unskilled, crummy, and no one respects his hobby. And he wonders why he is so unhappy!

So I've decided to stop complaining. I am starting with making sure that I do not express what I think when it is negative. And I am starting to catch myself when a negative thought comes up. For example, in my thoughts about the flat land above, I immediately thought "yes, the land is flat, but I'm so grateful that farmers want to live here so I can have food to eat." And I actually felt the gratitude immediately. So that is transforming negativity into something positive. I expect that this will take a lot of practice, but I think I am on my way to being like my teacher in at least one aspect. No more complaining.

What the Heck is Beginner's Mind?

Beginner's Mind..."refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner in that subject would." Deron Henson

"If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities; in the expert's mind there are few."
From Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind By Shunryu Suzuki

"Everything is fresh and new; it is fabulous just because it can happen." Lama Ole Nydahl, Diamond Way Buddhism

Before a recent trip to Colorado, I always thought I knew, at least intellectually, what beginner's mind meant. I could think about what it meant, but didn't really have a real life experience to go with it. Now I do!

Just before the trip, we bought an electronic GPS. We opened the box after we started on the trip thinking we'd play with it on the trip and learn how to use it. It was our first experience with a GPS.

What a miracle! We were astounded by this tool, that someone dreamed it up, that someone somehow put all that data, roads, turns, traffic and road construction congestion, detours, altitudes, time and lots of other tools all in one palm-sized gadget. As we played with it and it showed us where to go, took us around roadblocks and traffic, talked us through course corrections, we were delighted, felt wonder and vast appreciation just because it exists. We fell out of our typical intellectual struggle with new electronics. We didn't feel the usual ho-hum, oh well, just another gadget. We feel excited, tickled, really joyous with the GPS.

When the feeling didn't go away after a day or two, we noticed something exciting was happening. We felt somewhat like a child with a new toy on Christmas day. Filled with wonder and delight, all related to this tool. We finally decided that this was what beginner's mind must feel like.

We could have, of course, put this tool into the conceptual bucket with all electronics. We could have been bored with it, or been critical of its shortcomings, could have felt threatened by it and a myriad of other feelings. But we didn't. For whatever reason, we fell into a different mind space with this new toy, one of simple wonder that it could exist at all.

We are encouraged by teachers and experts to approach all situations with a beginner's mind, that is to stop putting everything into a preconceived conceptual box and to be open to the real experience in the moment. We, as humans with egos, rarely actually experience anything. We are too busy living in the past or projecting ourselves into the future. You can see this for yourself at parties or business functions. Often, someone will walk up and introduce themselves and ask "what do you do?" As soon as you say I'm a secretary, or doctor, or whatever, you've lost them. They are busy putting you into their previously set up boxes through which they filter everything: "Oh, a doctor, I hate doctors, I need to move on" or "Secretary? She doesn't look very much like a secretary." and so on. They aren't actually experiencing YOU. They are just putting you through their own filter (concept) and pegging you as they peg all others. We do this continuously with most activities, thoughts and feelings during each day. You have to be in the moment, or to "be here now" as Ram Dass would say, to actually experience beginner's mind. It is looking at something with fresh eyes, just as a small child would.

So, now I know what beginner's mind feels like. How about you?