Stop Complaining 101

Have you ever noticed how often we complain? We complain about our situation, our spouse, our children, our jobs, our city, our world, our politicians, our street, the weather, and so on.

I recently went to a spiritual retreat with my Buddhist teacher, Lama Ole Nydahl. He is a living example of everything I wish to be. I have never, not even once, seen him complain about anything. I have been with him many times, sometimes for a week at a time and have never witnessed him in any kind of negativity. That is what I wish to live like.

But what do I do? Do I practice being in a positive state all the time? Do I emulate my teacher so I can become more like him? No, I complain!

Driving home from this retreat, I really began to notice how often I have a negative thought or negative comment about something. Here are a few examples:

"Look at all this flat land (in north Texas and southern Colorado). Who would want to live here? I think it's ugly."

"Wow, it's too hot out here." "Wow, it's too cold out here." "Wow, it's too windy."

When sitting in my brand new, air conditioned, fully loaded hybrid Camry, I "wonder why they put this button here, it would be lots more efficient over there."

"I think this steak is overcooked." "I think my Sprite is watery." "I wish I had more salad dressing." "They didn't give me enough ice."

My ego seems to be a never ending stream of negative commentary on everything around me. And I am basically a very positive person!! Much of the above was not expressed out loud, but the thoughts were still there.

I know a man who is probably the most negative person I've ever met. In the many hours I've spent with him, my guess is that 95% of what he says is negative. I ask, who are your friends and what are they like? He spends thirty minutes telling me how bad they are, how they are negative and unfriendly, how they have betrayed him, how they really aren't that interesting, and so on. Then I ask about his job, and he responds at length about how he doesn't like the people, the work is too hard or boring, the office is too small, it's too long a commute, and so on. Even his hobby which he says he loves, is expressed with negativity. He doesn't have the right tools and supplies, the outcome of his projects are bad, unskilled, crummy, and no one respects his hobby. And he wonders why he is so unhappy!

So I've decided to stop complaining. I am starting with making sure that I do not express what I think when it is negative. And I am starting to catch myself when a negative thought comes up. For example, in my thoughts about the flat land above, I immediately thought "yes, the land is flat, but I'm so grateful that farmers want to live here so I can have food to eat." And I actually felt the gratitude immediately. So that is transforming negativity into something positive. I expect that this will take a lot of practice, but I think I am on my way to being like my teacher in at least one aspect. No more complaining.

LOA - Intensity and Duration

For those of you who are practicing consciously creating your life using the law of attraction, intensity and duration of your thoughts and feelings are keys to being successful. What does this mean to you?

As you are aware, thoughts create feelings, and feelings create the world around us. If we want to have a better life, we need to have better thoughts. Often in my workshops, we practice focusing on our desires and goals for 15 minutes a day, but that is only a start. The idea is to have more positive thoughts and feelings directed towards your true desires. But 15 minutes a day is only to up your awareness and to start the practice. The practice must become a way of life, part of your daily living. Duration just means focusing on the desires for more time each day, putting in as much time as you can dreaming of, talking about, and imagining the desire as if it were already occuring.

Think "immersion". Immerse yourself in the habit of being more positive, in catching yourself sooner when experiencing negativity, in expressing more positivity through your words and actions, in expecting positive events in your life, rather than expecting the negative. This does take practice, but every minute you spend in positive thoughts and feelings is a step in the right direction. At first, you may only be able to manage a few minutes at a time. But with practice and diligence, this will expand. Before you know it, within weeks or months, you will have more positive than negative thoughts and feelings and this is the pivot point. At this point, things that you want in your life, especially those that are in alignment with your purpose and true self, will significantly accelerate into your life.

The more intensity you can add to your feelings about your desires, the easier they will manifest. Intensity just means having stronger feelings. So instead of pleasure, think overjoyed. Instead of pleased, think excited. Instead of excited, think ecstatic or passionate. There are many ways to "amp up" your feelings to get the intensity necessary. Let's use the example of wanting an overseas trip. Typically, you might just sigh and say "I really wish I could go to X". And leave it at that. You might put it on your life list or your to do list. That is the opposite of amping up your feelings. To get more intensity into your feelings about this desire, you will want to focus on it daily for at least a short period of time. Read books about the place, talk to people who have been, attend a lecture and slide show of someone who has been, search the Internet, go to a travel agent and pick up brochures, create a dream board for the anticipated trip. Write letters to the Universe about what a great trip you "had". Every time you do these actions, you will feel more and more excited and happy.

If you are practicing the law of attraction and things are not happening as you expected, lack of intensity and/or duration may be the problem.

The Flood and the Flow

In one of my recent workshops, we were discussing how to know when you are working with the law of attraction and how to know when you're not. One of the students mentioned that she describes it as the flood and the flow. The flood is when she has a constant barrage of negative thoughts, very much like a flood. She worries, frets, is anxious and down. The flow is when she knows in her body that all is well, that what she desires is on its way and that she is in alignment with what she desires most. She feels peaceful, happy and in anticipation.

The law of attraction works whether we know about it and consciously try to influence it or not. Our thoughts and feelings will affect what shows up in our lives, consciously or unconsciously. When we are practicing being in the flow, we become more aligned with our highest good, with our truest desires. We practice having more positive thoughts which affect our feelings. We practice letting go of the how and watching for clues from the Universe. We work on or play with changing our limiting beliefs.

How do you know what what you are doing is working? How do you know you are in the flow?

First, to tell whether you have been having primarily positive thoughts and feelings without limiting beliefs and that you have let go of the how, just look around you. Do you have the life you wish? Do you have plenty of money? Do you have sustaining and rich relationships? Do you have passionate pursuits? Is your career satisfying and meaningful to you? Your current life situation exactly mirrors your past thoughts and feelings. Sometimes this past pattern of thoughts and feelings is many years long. It takes time to change that habit of thought. Be patient with yourself and don't give up too soon.

Are the things you desire starting to show up? Maybe small events occur, the right phone call, or money comes in the mail, or you meet someone new who can help you further your career. Are synchronicities occuring? If so, then your recent past thoughts and feelings are moving in the right direction and having a direct effect on your life.

Many of us can feel the difference between the flood and the flow in our bodies. It is an actual physical feeling. When I am in the flow I can sense the energy flowing or moving in my body, usually from abdomen to chest in an upward motion. I feel lighter and happier. when I am not in the flow (or in the flood), my chest is closed or tight, I tend to be in my head and generally more tense. If you are not aware of any physical feelings, start noticing each day what your thoughts and feelings are and then what your body feels like. Are there any clues to tell you when you are in the flow or in the flood?

Take Out the Trash

I read this phrase, "take out the trash", recently in a movie review and thought how much trash is in each of our lives. We look around our home or office and say, hey, there's no trash here. We organize, we declutter, we simplify...no trash here. And we do keep our homes and cars clean, our lawns nice, but that's not all that needs to be cleaned up. We take better care of our homes and cars than we do ourselves and our spirits, especially when it comes to trash!

What is trash?

Trash is negative thoughts and negative images hanging around in our ever-busy minds. Often put there by 100% voluntary consumption of violent TV, movies and books.

Trash is beating up on ourselves for all sorts of real and imagined faults. We're often kinder to strangers than we are to ourselves.

Trash is filling our lives with meaningless, even harmful, distractions that make us dull and lazy. Ruts and giving up begin here.

Trash is living small, staying in the box you grew up with even when it doesn't serve your best interests any more. Only a tree should stay stuck in the same place its entire life.

Trash is living with things that you dislike or even hate. You get to choose.

Trash is settling for less than you desire, less than you deserve.

Trash is sitting on the couch watching TV or playing computer games for endless hours when you could be exercising or meditating or living your passion or even playing with your spouse or children.

Trash is eating more fat and sugar in a day than a family of ten needs.

Trash is polluting your body and mind, killing your spirit with alcohol and other addictions.

Trash is hanging out with friends and family who run you down, take advantage of you, don't listen and validate and believe in you.

Trash is looking in the mirror and saying anything besides "I love you and you're beautiful/handsome."

Trash is going to a job you hate year after year, living in fear, not allowing yourself room to breathe and grow.

Trash is any attitude, belief or value that doesn't serve your highest and best interests.

You take out the trash in your house every day or every other day. You take it to the curb every week or so. You clean up your lawn once a week or every two weeks. Your car gets cleaned every week (okay, every two months!).

But how often do you clean out the trash in your most treasured possessions: Your mind and your body, your Self? How many years or even decades have you been living with trash? Can you feel it? Can you see all that trash piling up around you, holding you back, holding you down? Is it time to take out the trash?

Please leave a comment.

Copyright 2007, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds. All rights reserved.

Achieve through Receiving

In aiming your thoughts and emotions toward your goals, that is, by using the law of attraction, one area often trips us up. Receiving or allowing. The steps to working with the law of attraction are:

• Clearly know what you want.
• Use your thoughts and emotions to positively and clearly make it real in your mind.
• Be grateful for all that you already have, especially in line with what you desire.
• Think, feel and act as if you already had what you desire.
• Let go and allow the Universe to work on your behalf, let go of the how.
• Watch for clues from the Universe or God that will let you know what actions to take.
• Take the actions.
• As what you desire starts to show up in your life, receive it, allow it.
• Be grateful for each and every thing that shows up as you desire.

Many of us are able to clearly see what we desire, are able to stay positive and visualize, but than stumble when it comes to receiving. I have a personal story to illustrate this. A friend of mine keeps a dream binder in which she has pictures of all the things she wants, some material, some intangible. In this book, she had a picture of a gorgeous Rolex watch. I was in a class where the leader, my friend and fellow coach, held up her arm. On it was a beautiful Rolex watch. She asked the group, "Want to know how I got my watch?" We all nodded and said yes. She went on to say, "A friend called me up and said that she was getting too fat to wear her watch and wanted to know if I wanted it. I said yes!" We all looked surprised. She then asked "which of you would have accepted the watch, this free gift of the Universe?" We all said we would have said no to the gift. Some would have felt guilt, or felt there were strings, or felt they couldn't wear such a nice watch, all sorts of reasons. Talk about not receiving!

Of course, it's obvious when you think about it, it won't matter how good you are at affirmations, at thinking and feeling positively, at visualizing and journaling about your desires or at taking informed actions as provided to you by the Universe, if you cannot receive what is given. No where in the law of attraction does it say you get to pick how your desire will show up. No where does it say, it will come to you in a way you can accept and expect. We do not get to choose the how, we only need to watch and say yes. We receive and allow, easy with the flow of good coming to us, no matter its form.

Practice today saying yes when offered something. A cup of coffee, a ride to work, help with something. Say yes and receive.

If you have a story to share about receiving, please leave a comment.

All contect copyrighted, 2007, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds. All rights reserved.