Ten Winning Ways to Say No

You can't manage your life, your time, your energy if you can't say no to unreasonable requests, things you don't want to do, and things that are clearly not in your best interest. Saying no is an art, but everyone can learn to do it. If you're the least bit uneasy saying no to your boss, your spouse, your children, strangers and friends, then read on.

Here are some ways for you to say no. Be clear and firm.

1. That won’t work for me.
2. I just do not enjoy doing that/that kind of work.
3. I have another commitment.
4. My calendar is full. Or I am already overcommitted.
5. I am in the middle of several time-consuming projects.
6. I need to focus more on my (work, family, health, etc.)
7. No, can’t do it. Or just plain no.
8. I can’t do it, but I know someone who can.
9. This is not my strong suit. Or I’m not really qualified to do this.
10. I am not comfortable with that.

If you are uneasy or out of practice with saying no, here are a few tips:

Don't justify, explain, defend, negotiate, or give details about why you are saying no. Why? First because you have every right to say for no reason at all. But even if you have a reason, it's no one else's business. Also, when you give a reason, it gives the requestor a chance to argue, push or negotiate you off that position. Better to just say no, shake your head, and change the subject.

Don't apologize or say you are sorry for having to say no. This puts you in a less than firm or weaker position. You really don't have to be sorry for doing what is right for you.

If someone continues to wheedle, ask, plead, or otherwise pushes you, just continue to say no. This is taught in some assertiveness classes. Just repetitively say no until they are worn down.

Practice saying no with someone you trust. Especially if you know someone is about to ask you for something you do not want to do. (To be PTA mom, or to watch their dog for a month, or to do just one more project, e.g.) Role play with your friend asking you the question and you saying no (see above for ways to say no). Practice until you feel very comfortable doing this.

It's also good to practice on small requests and/or with strangers first. Work your way up to your spouse, your family and your boss.

Trust me, it does get easier. You, too can be a world champion no-sayer!

What's your favorite way to say no? Leave a comment.


By Mary Anne Fields of Life Unfolds, copyright 2007, all rights reserved. http://www.LifeUnfolds.com