Want Less Stress?

One of the ways to reduce and even avoid stress is to have reserves. Having reserves means having space, mental, physical, emotional and spiritual space. It means having a little more than you usually need.

Here are a few scenarios where stress is dominant and there are little or no reserves.

Suzanne lives paycheck to paycheck. She rarely has enough money to buy extras and often cannot pay bills on time. She has only a few thousand dollars in savings and no retirement savings. She cannot buy a much needed replacement car, she cannot take vacations, she doesn't have the money to take night classes to improve her situation. She uses credit cards to buy things she wants and sometimes to pay bills, but this adds anxiety because she doesn't have the money to pay the credit card bills. She feels trapped, anxious, out of control.

James is lonely. He lives in a small apartment and works from there. He does have a couple of friends, but only sees them for lunch a couple of times a month. He is so busy with work that he doesn't have much time to make new friends or to start a love relationship. The more he is alone, the more he feels out of touch and as if he will always be alone. His self-esteem suffers which makes him even less likely to summon up the resources to meet someone new. His apartment is small and cluttered so he doesn't really want to have people over. He feels lonely, disgusted, angry and depressed.

Samantha is disorganized. She frequently loses things, and often cannot find information she needs for her business. She loses clients because of this. Her home and office are both messy, cluttered and chaotic. They mirror her own feelings. Each day she says to herself that she will start to get a handle on organizing and getting her space cleaned up, but feels overwhelmed at the thought of it. She feels confused, uneasy and overwhelmed.

In all these cases, there are little or no reserves to help, financial reserves, living space, time, energy and so on. To help ease stress, to add comfort and ease, reserves are a necessity. Reserves apply in all areas of your life, your finances, your home, your career, your relationships, your transportation, your spiritual life, and everywhere else.

Financial Reserves

The obvious financial reserves include having an emergency fund sufficient to cover 3 to 6 months of expenses in case of job loss, illness, burnout. But that is just the beginning. The first step to living stress free financially is to live below your means. No matter how little or how much you make, your expenses need to be less than what you make. At least 10% less, but 20% is better. This gives you a cushion and allows you to create an emergency fund, to save for a house, for vacations, for a new car, and to save for retirement. An additional reserve is that you have an organization for your bill paying activities. You know when bills are due, you pay them on time or early, envelopes, pens, addresses and contact information are all in one place to use when you pay bills. Another reserve is to have little or no debt. Best is to have no debt other than your home. One more is to pay close attention to being paid what you and your work are worth. Any two people in the same job or the same profession can make vastly different salaries. It is key for you to know what is fair and to be compensated fully. And the last area of reserve for your finances is to have knowledge about investing and to have a plan to reach financial independence and/or to retire to a comfortable living. If you are like Suzanne above, this may all seem a pipe dream. But all is achievable using small steps and starting now.

Health and Beauty

Nothing will cause more stress than being seriously ill. Illness can drag you down and make everything more difficult. Prevention is key. Health reserves include eating healthy foods in moderation, exercising, taking supplements, drinking water, and managing your stress through relaxation and meditation. But that is just the beginning. Of course, drugs, alcohol, caffeine and smoking add a great deal of stress, especially if in excess. Getting enough sleep is important as well. Regularly schedule doctor visits for screening tests will help catch any illnesses early. Knowing your blood test scores such as blood sugar, tryglicerides, choloesterol, and thyroid are essential. Dental health needs attention as well. Not only brushing and flossing daily, but regular cleanings and screenings at the dentist's office. Of course, you know all this, but have you ever related doing these things to reducing your stress? Can you connect how letting your teeth hygiene go by the wayside will cause you a great deal of stress when you have cavities and gum disease to deal with? To say nothing of cholesterol and heart disease, blood sugar and diabetes, etc. It all starts with the small things, what you put in your mouth each day and keeping up with your exercise regime. Start small, but start now.

Home

Having enough room to live in comfortably and to store your belongings will go a long way to providing you with needed reserves related to home. It can be very stressful to have too much stuff in too small a place. Either get rid of the stuff, organize it better or get more space. The result will be less stress. Do you have a space in your home to relax, to be free of noise and clutter? Is your home clean and uncluttered? Do all systems and mechanics work well? Is your home a comfortable temperature inside year round? All of these can add to or take away from your sense of comfort and well-being. Your home should be safe as well. Do you have smoke alarms throughout your home and adequate locks on all doors and windows? Even if you can't move to a bigger space, you can declutter and eliminate extra belongings. Start with one shelf or one drawer today.

Time and Energy

The biggest change you can make here is your attitude towards time. As a coach, the excuse I hear most often is, "I don't have enough time." There are two areas to consider here: first is how much time do you waste doing non-productive activities such as watching mindless television, playing computer games, being disorganized, talking on the phone, etc. And the second point is that we always manage to find time for what is important to us. Even when we are terribly busy, we end up spending the evening with friends if they call. Or we watch that television show (even when it is a rerun). I believe that everyone can manage to find the time to add a little exercise to their day or to prepare nutrition food. Everyone can find a few minutes a day to start organizing or cleaning. Look for the timewasters first and try to reduce or eliminate them. Second is to raise the priority of putting reserves in place to reduce your stress. This is an important life transformation that deserves your focused time and energy. You'll have more energy when you have more reserves and less stress.

My prescription is to focus on one area and to take small steps. Pretty soon one area will be under control and you can play with the next area.

30 Day As-If

Often in the Law of Attraction teachings, we are advised to live as-if...as if we already are wealthy, or as if we are beautiful, or as if we are loved, etc. Great advice, and I always thought, easier said than done.

My husband and I have had big and fairly specific plans for our semi-retirement years. We would be healthier, exercise, meditate more, travel more. So here it is six months into that semi-retirement and none of those things were happening. Life kept getting in the way. Life-long habits persisted. We made many half-hearted attempts to do the things on our list but only travel really took hold.

I was frustrated and feeling defeated about the whole thing. then I remembered the as-if teaching. My husband and I discussed a plan to have 30 perfect days of living our plan. 30 perfect days of eating healthy, exercise and meditating as if we were already doing those things. This is different from just saying I have a goal of losing 20 pounds so I'll start dieting. That's a goal with a measurable accomplishment and an end. Notice that our plans didn't really describe goals, they described a lifestyle. We wanted to live healthier, live more spiritually, and experience the world through travel. So rather than wait until we could somehow set up goals, make plans and figure out how to do these things, we just lived as if they were already true for us.

Just as an example, here are some of the thoughts that kept us stuck: I'm not ready to lose weight, I'll start when I'm not so stressed, meditating two hours a day is too much, I'll have to work up to meditating that long, It's almost summer (in Houston) and too hot to start exercising, it will take me hours to figure out how to plan menus to eat healthy, I'm too tired, etc.

So when we decided to live as if we were healthy, fit, and spiritual, we simply decided what our days would look like. We'd eat healthy, we would buy healthy foods, we'd choose wisely, we'd exercise every day, we'd choose activity over sloth, we'd take our vitamins and supplements regularly, we'd take our prescription medicine religiously, we'd monitor our health, we'd floss every day, and meditate between 1 and 2 hours a day. And we would put all of this as our daily priority. For example, when friends called to ask us to meet them for dinner, we declined because they were going to eat Mexican and didn't want to change their plans. We thought this would be too much of a challenge for us given where we are right now. Another set of friends asked us out and we suggested a salad place.

I have to admit, I secretly thought we'd stick with it a day or two and then fall away or that we wouldn't even get started. But lo and behold, we're doing it. And it's easy. And it's fun. I'll keep you posted on how it's going.

But now, how does this apply to you? What is it you want? What is it you are putting off trying or "getting ready to get started" (my own personal favorite way to put things off). What dream do you have but don't really see any way to get there?

Many of you have already done one or more "dream boards". They often have pictures of wonderful friends and family gatherings, exciting activities such as travel or dancing or kayaking, loving relationships with a spouse or lover, happy times with children, satisfying careers, etc. Almost all of these are actually lifestyle choices. Can you choose to live that way starting today?

What would happen if you just started? What if you took the first step today towards that dream? Live as-if all the planning, all the getting ready, all the inner work, all the obstacles had already been taken care of. Just start, now.

Your Obit

It's a horrible thought, that we might die before our time. No one likes to think of it. Having just lost my sister-in-law, it has made me think about my own life and death.

What if I had to write my own obituary today? What would it say? Would it be everything I wished for my life to say? Does my life really express who I think I am?

Use this as an exercise in assessing your life at this point. Write your own obituary. Include your accomplishments and the important areas of your life.

Now write the obituary you wish you could write. Include everything you would like to be said at your passing. Are the two similar, very different? Any insight into what areas you'd like to change in your life? Is there anything you wish could be said about you?

Here are some paraphrased quotes from others who have done this exercise:

"I lived a great life. I was often the life of the party and brought joy to many."

"I lived my life with courage and honesty. Others looked up to me."

"I made a difference in the world. My life was played out on a huge stage with many players. My actions made real, lasting changes all over the world."

"My family loved me and I loved them. My family relationships were open and honest. My grandchildren will remember me with love."

"I was president of my own company. This company employed thousands and served the community with excellence."

"I became a millionaire before age 40. I used my money to further the cause of cleaning up the global environment. I made a difference."

"I made myself and others laugh, often."

"When you look in the dictionary under the word 'kind', you'll see my picture. That's my legacy."

May you live a very long, healthy and very fruitful life.