Faces of Fear

In my workshops, the topic of fear comes up regularly. So many of us are fearful about all sorts of events, situations, feelings and actions. Fear is normal and is a part of the way we are wired as humans. It is one of the ways we are protected from harm. Fear is always with us as long as we are growing and stretching our wings. You may outgrow or outdistance fear in a particular area of your life, but the feeling of fear is always available for the next new thing.

For example, you are just about to travel alone for the first time. You may be fearful of what people will think, how you will manage, what you will do, afraid for your safety, etc. But then you do it, maybe starting with a short trip. And you learn from it and each time you travel alone you are a little less fearful, until one day you realize you no longer fear traveling alone. So you feel no fear in this area of your life. However, then you decide to take up skydiving. The fear rises again and you have to go through the whole cycle again.

The absence of fear means we are growing complacent and staying in our comfort zone. As soon as we push a little, move to a new place in life or try new things on for size, fear comes up. It's natural, but we dread it so. Accepting that fear will arise and that we can acknowledge it and still move forward is critical to our living our dreams. And viewed this way, fear is to be relished because it means we are growing, being all we can be and expanding our life.

One of the things I've learned is how many faces fear has. We probably all recognize that strong, paralyzing fear when something truly dangerous or horrendous is about to happen. You may feel physical symptoms like tight muscles, adrenaline rush, stomach pain or upset, etc. And it feels awful to most of us. It feels like a very strong emotion and often overwhelms us. But fear can come in many different guises.

How about the rational voice of fear? Have you ever wanted to do something out of the norm? Something bigger than you've done before? And this voice in your head starts with the rational arguments on why you don't want to or can't do that? Things like "you're not ready for this" or "this isn't what you really want" or "you could get hurt doing this" or "you dont' have the money, time, energy, support, .... to do this". These may all be the voice of fear. Those of us who have strong rational sides often experience fear in this way. It may be difficult to recognize because it doesn't have that "fear" feeling, although you will probably feel some nervousness or anxiety. Essentially, this rational voice distracts you from the feelings as the argument in your head ensues.

Another voice of fear is experienced through physical reactions or symptions. You may think of starting a new business or leaving a bad relationship and suddenly get sick. Your head aches or back hurts. Maybe you get an upset stomach. It doesn't necessarily feel like an "emotion" but may be the way you experience fear. It can show up in almost any physical way.

Some have mental confusion when fear comes up. To avoid the feeling of fear, some of us have developed a coping mechanism that makes our minds confused or vague. Some people just "go away", that is, their minds lose focus and retreat into thoughts or daydreams or a dreamy state. It may become difficult to concentrate or to focus on anything. It may be challenging to have clear thoughts or to get organized and moving. It may seem like being overwhelmed and unsure of direction. This is just our ego's way of coping with the fear.

You may experience one or all of these different faces of fear in your lifetime. The goal is to recognize it. If you are aware of how and when you feel fear, it is incredibly valuable information. If you are afraid and you know it, you can deal with it. You can decide to back off a few steps until the fear is more manageable. Or you can say to yourself that you accept the fear and you are going to move forward anyway. There are many ways to deal successfully with fear, but the first job is to know you are feeling fear.

If this article has been helpful or you would like to add to it, please add your comments below.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006