The MidLife Stretch

Mid-life seems to be a typical time for all of us to question what we are doing and why. We start looking around and asking the tough questions: "Is this it?" or "Is this all there is to life?" or "Surely, there's supposed to be a meaning or a purpose for my life, isn't there?"

Some of us will ask these questions, get anxious or nervous and close the questions off. We think it may require too much change or that we leave our jobs or our spouses or move to some exotic locale. Some think it will require too much energy or too much work to change. We let fear and our unruly thoughts rule the day. This to me is a crying shame because everywhere we look are ways to expand who we are and get in touch with a deeper meaning and purpose. Without a major overhaul in our lives.

I am a big believer in small steps. Often the smallest of steps can be the start of something huge. One step after another, we learn more about ourselves and build upon each thing we learn. Each thing we learn allows us to deepen our understanding of who we are and why we are here. Often these learning experiences are fun, expansive, interesting or fascinating, even compelling for us. Our curiosity can often lead us to the next thing we are to try.

Is there something you want to learn more about that may lead to a better understanding of yourself or your place in the world. Many things may not seem so on the surface, so broaden your questions. For example, you may be thinking I am saying you should go on a spiritual quest or read books about human psychology. Not so. Let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean.

I have been afraid of the water much of my life. I don't know why; there does not seem to have been a precipitating event. I tried many times as a child and as an adult to overcome this, but was not able to until my mid-thirties. All my friends were taking vacations and going scuba diving. My boyfriend at the time was a diver. I really wanted to go! I signed up for scuba diving lessons. I know! What was I thinking. I don't think I fully understood they actually expected you to swim while diving and that I had to go in the deep end of the pool. Duh! This is where I think the Universe was sending me a way to overcome an obstacle, a place where I was stuck. My thinking was unusually short-sighted and I definitely didn't "look into it" before signing up. It is one of the few times I acted spontaneously. So what happened?

I attended the first class at a local pool. The first thing we had to do was swim ten round-trip laps of an olympic sized pool. We paired up with someone and each counted the other's laps. As the Universe would have it, I was paired up with... TA DA... a swimming teacher! I told her my problem; I can't swim and I'm afraid of the water. She didn't blink. She asked "Can you float?" I said sure. She said, "Lay on your back, kick your feet and relax." You can do all ten laps that way. And, of course, I did it! I wasn't even the last swimmer to complete. The class was 8 weeks long and I got progressively more comfortable in the water. The last hurdle was the last class, where we had to dive to the bottom of the 12 foot deep end and put on all our gear including our weight belt, tank, fins, mask, etc. That means you have to dive down and stay down there long enough to get your gear on, then swim to the top wearing heavy weights. I waited clutching the side of the deep end of the pool. I got more and more afraid as each person tested themselves. A couple were unable to do this test, which didn't help me any because they could swim! By the time it was my turn, the last one, I was crying, sure I was not going to be able to do it. The dive instructor was not kind, yelled to hurry up and get with it. I swam out to him still crying, did a perfect dive to the bottom of the pool, put on all the gear and swam up triumphantly. Wow, what a feeling! I felt the fear but did it anyway.

I learned many things from this experience which expanded my understanding about myself and also about how the world works. I learned that I have courage and that I could work with my fear. I learned that I am strong. I learned that things don't have to be done perfectly (picture Olympic quality backstroke), they just have to be good enough. I learned that the Universe works on my behalf and in incredibly mysterious ways. I learned that acting spontaneously (the exact opposite of the way I normally did things, being very linear at that time in my life) worked out beautifully. This was the beginning of my concrete, linear thinking being loosened and softened. I began to see that there are other ways to see things than always in black and white and well planned out. All this from one 8 week class that seemingly had nothing to do with personal growth.

Another example from my own life. As some of you may know, I worked in the computer field for 25 years. Again, in my thirties, while I was working in the space technology field (very conservative, very left brain), I decided to take massage lessons to become a certified massage therapist. Again, I know! I decided on a whim and signed up only two days before the 16 week class was to begin. No research, no questions, no preparation. If I had done any of those things, I would never have done it. I have a million stories about this experience, but I'll share one. The first class, I brought nothing with me nor did I understand what was going to happen. After a lecture and a certain amount of orientation, they told us we would pair up and massage each other. I'm thinking, are you crazy? I'm not getting nude in front of a bunch of strangers! I assumed they would have "hired massagees". It never occurred to me that I would be practiced on. I cried, again, but I wasn't the only one. Apparently, this is one of the ways the massage teachers have you work through your body hangups and intimacy issues. Of course, again, I did it, even though I was very nervous and feeling more than a little foolish.

Massage is a very right brained activity. I learned an amazing number of things about myself during this class. I finished the class, but did not become certified as I knew that at that time it was too big of a stretch for me to go from computers to massage. I needed more personal expansion.

I have lots of other examples both from my own life, and from those of my clients. They all seem to have a few things in common though.

1. The first is a curiosity or desire to do something.
2. The second is a feeling of anxiety or fear about doing it.
3. The third is feeling that fear and doing it anyway.
4. The fourth is the incredible sense of accomplishment for doing it.
5. And the last is what you learned about yourself and the world by doing it.

All of these things are "stretches", not major life overhauls, nor even major things in our lives. But they can be life-changing or pivotal in starting the changes that can help you to live more freely, more joyfully, and more congruently with your real purpose.

So what are you curious about? Are you willing to sign up even though you have reservations or anxiety or even outright fear? Do you secretly want to sing but are afraid your voice isn't "Olympic" quality? Are you drawn to a religion that isn't your family of origin's? When you see others doing a particular activity, a sport, art or whatever, do you wish you could do that too? I urge you to try something new. Stretch outside your comfort zone, push yourself a little, expand your life. You'll be much happier if you do.

All blog content is copyrighted, all rights reserved, Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, 2006