The Flood and the Flow

In one of my recent workshops, we were discussing how to know when you are working with the law of attraction and how to know when you're not. One of the students mentioned that she describes it as the flood and the flow. The flood is when she has a constant barrage of negative thoughts, very much like a flood. She worries, frets, is anxious and down. The flow is when she knows in her body that all is well, that what she desires is on its way and that she is in alignment with what she desires most. She feels peaceful, happy and in anticipation.

The law of attraction works whether we know about it and consciously try to influence it or not. Our thoughts and feelings will affect what shows up in our lives, consciously or unconsciously. When we are practicing being in the flow, we become more aligned with our highest good, with our truest desires. We practice having more positive thoughts which affect our feelings. We practice letting go of the how and watching for clues from the Universe. We work on or play with changing our limiting beliefs.

How do you know what what you are doing is working? How do you know you are in the flow?

First, to tell whether you have been having primarily positive thoughts and feelings without limiting beliefs and that you have let go of the how, just look around you. Do you have the life you wish? Do you have plenty of money? Do you have sustaining and rich relationships? Do you have passionate pursuits? Is your career satisfying and meaningful to you? Your current life situation exactly mirrors your past thoughts and feelings. Sometimes this past pattern of thoughts and feelings is many years long. It takes time to change that habit of thought. Be patient with yourself and don't give up too soon.

Are the things you desire starting to show up? Maybe small events occur, the right phone call, or money comes in the mail, or you meet someone new who can help you further your career. Are synchronicities occuring? If so, then your recent past thoughts and feelings are moving in the right direction and having a direct effect on your life.

Many of us can feel the difference between the flood and the flow in our bodies. It is an actual physical feeling. When I am in the flow I can sense the energy flowing or moving in my body, usually from abdomen to chest in an upward motion. I feel lighter and happier. when I am not in the flow (or in the flood), my chest is closed or tight, I tend to be in my head and generally more tense. If you are not aware of any physical feelings, start noticing each day what your thoughts and feelings are and then what your body feels like. Are there any clues to tell you when you are in the flow or in the flood?

The Incredible Power of Communication in Attracting What You Desire

Communication, the exchanging of information, ideas, feelings, beliefs and values are a vital part of living the law of attraction. Communication openly expresses and validates the positive thoughts and feelings you are aiming for in LOA.

The next time you are out with a few of your friends or with your family, really notice the conversations going on. Most of the time we talk about the past, or the future. Less often, we talk about what is going on with us right now. Either way, we often talk habitually. That is we express ourselves in a certain style: gossipy, seriously, poking fun, sarcastically, dramatically, complaining and so on. Mostly, the communication can be thought of as positive or negative. The communication represents our thoughts and feelings (most of the time). The communication focuses on positive thoughts and feelings, or focuses on negative thoughts and feelings.

Language is very important in communication. What words you choose to express your thoughts and feelings can actually change your thoughts and feelings. Let me give you an example. I used to have a friend who loved to gossip, usually maliciously, about others. I often had lunch with her where we both worked. I would be feeling happy and relaxed when I went to lunch, but after a few minutes of tearing down other folks, I would feel uneasy, anxious and guilty. My thoughts when gossiping about others in a negative way changed my feelings.

Thoughts and feelings and the consequent verbal expression about the past often tend to be negative. We look back at when we were hurt or neglected, at past wrongs, either our own or someone else’s towards us. Unless you are thinking about beautiful, happy memories, your past thoughts can hold you back from what you want to create, your dreams.

When we look at and talk about the future, it often is filled with fear and apprehension. Some of us are very optimistic about the future so it will take the form of positive anticipation.

We’ve all heard the expression, be here now. The present time, right now, is the only place your innate creativity and joy can come into play. You can do nothing about the past and the future is not here yet. As Eckhart Tolle would say, all your power is in the now. Your power to create and live your dreams. The more we stay in the present, think and feel in the present and communicate in the present, intentionally in a positive way, the better the outcome.

Exercise 1
For the rest of the week, pay close attention to the conversations in which you participate.

• Are they focused on the past?


• On the future?


• What is the primary feeling being expressed?


• Do some people tend to be more or less positive or negative?


• What is your habitual talking pattern (if any)?

Identify the ten people you communicate with most often. Can you generally identify their communication style as positive or negative? Notice where these conversations tend to go. How do you feel after communicating with each for any length of time? Better or worse?

Notice your own speech patterns. Are they full of lack or full of abundance? Do they tend toward complaining about or appreciating the past, present or future? Do you find fault with others and the environment? Do you focus on issues and problems or the miracles that happen every moment?

Record at least one conversation with someone else. When you listen to the recording, notice how often you fall back into negative expression or how often you stay in the now with positive communication. Is your communication where you want it? Is it in line with your intentions of creating your dreams?

What we really want to communicate is positive thoughts and feelings about the past, present and future. We want to intentionally focus on what we are desiring our future life to be, the positive aspects of the present and only the positive aspects of the past, those moments when you were happiest.

Exercise 2
You should be more aware of how you are communicating with others based on previous exercises. You may be able to recognize when the conversation is negative. Set your intention right now, today, to have more positive communication with others. Recognize your ability to influence the conversation. Choose not to participate in negative conversations. Change the subject to something more positive and persist. This may take some practice and some folks may never get on board. But you can control your own part of the conversation. Refuse to go down the negative path.

Talk (only) about what is going well in your life. Include generous doses of what you want to have, do or be. Include your positive intentions. Every time you notice you’ve wandered off onto the negative (lack, complaining, anxious) path, gently steer yourself back. Take a deep breath and deliberately move back onto the positive conversational path. Smile and remain focused on all the good that is happening and will happen in your life. Give yourself a pat on the back for being willing to change.


Copyright 2007, Mary Anne Fields, LifeUnfolds.com

Retire Early and Live, Retire Later and Die?

This article about retiring early is not only for mid-lifers. It is for everyone who works no matter the age. Young folks, listen well. You still have time to plan and save for an early retirement.

Here is a link to an article regarding early retirement and longevity. It's a compelling reason to look at retiring earlier than you may have considered previously.

http://faculty.kfupm.edu.sa/coe/gutub/english_misc/retire1.htm

In brief, the article cites studies that show a correlation between early retirement and longevity.

Here is a table.

Table 1 – Actuarial Study of life span vs. age at retirement.

Age at
Retirement Average Age At Death
49.9 86
51.2 85.3
52.5 84.6
53.8 83.9
55.1 83.2
56.4 82.5
57.2 81.4
58.3 80
59.2 78.5
60.1 76.8
61 74.5
62.1 71.8
63.1 69.3
64.1 67.9
65.2 66.8

I have no idea how well the studies were done or how big the population looked at. Apparently there were at least two studies done at Lockheed Martin and at Boeing. In Boeing's numbers, employees retiring at 65 typically received their pension checks for only 18 months. At Lockheed, employees retiring at 65 on average received their pension checks for 17 months. I think that these studies were done a couple of decades ago, so that may affect their results. People are generally healthier and more vital than in older times.

The supposed culprit in early death is work stress.

What can we take away from this? Obviously, not all of us are in a financial position to retire early. If you can't retire ahead of schedule, then what can you do?

Reduce job stress. This is very serious and can take as much as 20 years from your life span. Reduce job stress by taking breaks, changing jobs within a company or changing companies. Learn to take frequent breaks and meditate or do some deep breathing or take walks. This is not just to feel better, it is to save your life.

Take your vacation time every year without fail. No working while on vacation!

Do not take work home with you. Have a clear line between work and home to make it easier to relax when you are home.

Live your dreams. Changing to a career better suited to your lifestyle, your temperament and your desires and dreams, can literally add years to your life. It's worth the effort to figure out what you really want to do and start doing it.

Ask questions about your work life. Why are you working so hard? Whom does it serve? What do you gain from it? What do you lose? What underlying need are you fulfilling by striving and working so hard? Does this really serve you? In what ways? Do you still want the same things you wanted when you started your career (climbing the ladder, more money, prestige, a title, the corner office, your parent's approval, etc.). If not, what changes can you make right now? What do you like or not like about your current work? Your current job? Your current work environment?

Here is a link to another study of railroad workers that corroborates the above study, but not quite as dramatically. http://www.rrb.gov/opa/qa/pub_0702.asp

Here is a link to another study that shows a much smaller correlation between early retirement and longevity. http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1273451 It does not seem to corroborate the above studies. I also have heard of (although can't find particulars) that working longer makes you live longer. I suspect that is for those who have no life outside work. Wonder if the environments had significantly different stress rates? I don't think they actually looked at stress in any of these studies, however, stress has long been mentioned as a factor in illnesses and diseases, some of which lead to early death. I know I have worked in both the oil and aerospace industries, both in responsible IT jobs, and there was no comparison of the stress levels. Aerospace was by far more stressful. But that may have been at that time period, at that office, just my job, or whatever else could have affected it.

Either way, reducing stress on the job can only help and may save your life. I hope this will encourage you to start planning for this major life change now.

What If

We all play the what-if game and some of us play it often. Worrying often takes the form of what if: "What if he leaves me?", "What if I get fired?", "What if my home doesn't sell?", "What if the doctor gives me bad news?". We can what if ourselves into a frenzy, adding anxiety after anxiety until we can only see bad news on the horizon.

I was recently conversing with a group of intelligent, talented, courageous women. One of them is contemplating a divorce. The conversation went something like this: "I just don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so unhappy. I know I don't love him anymore. But what if I am poor for the rest of my life? What if the girls (daughters) are scarred for life? What if I can't support us?" and so on. I countered with "what if you are incredibly happy after you leave, what if this is the best thing you could do for yourself and your children, what if you found you had plenty of money and could make it yourself, what if you were in a relationship where you were valued and appreciated, loved and respected?" She blinked a couple of times and slowly said, "Well, I guess that could happen." And then she smiled.

Somehow we think that worrying in this way, imagining negative futures, is a way of coming to a decision. We don't call it worrying, we call it logically thinking through a decision. We believe we are rationally reviewing options.

It's a funny thing, the games our minds play. What ifs most often take a negative form. They tend to scare us into behaving or scare us into staying the course. They often catastrophize our futures with the absolute worst that can happen. We rarely what if with the best that can happen.

So let's play a game. Let's call it What If - Positive.

Start right now with a problem that you are trying to solve or a decision you have to make. It can be small or large, trivial or important. But one where you are having trouble moving forward. Now play what if by imagining all the wonderful things that can happen if you move forward, if you decide or if you solve the problem. What if you were happier beyond your wildest dreams? What if everything turned out better than you expect? What if you were absolutely making the right decision? What if everything you want to happen just falls into place easily and quickly? What if all parties ended up better off than before? What if this was the perfect thing for you to do, right now? Of course, you'll want to make it specific to your situation, but play with it. Run wild and free in your imagination. Insist and intend that positive things will happen. See what happens in your body? In your mind?

The more you play this game, the more natural it will seem and the more often you will choose the positive what ifs rather than the usual negative what ifs. Practice it daily and see how much easier decisions are and how much better you feel.

A Big Thank You

I gave a talk last week to the women's association of the Bay Oaks Country Club. In attendance were about 90 women of all ages. My talk was on discovering and living your dreams.

Before and after the talk, I had the chance to speak with several of the attendees. What a wonderful group of women. So many of them spoke of exactly the kinds of topics I speak and teach about. Topics like: I wonder what I'm supposed to do in this life; I wonder what's next for me now that the kids are gone/going; I have a dream but I'm not sure what to do to get it started; How do I get moving...I seem to be stuck; I've done everything for my husband and children...it's my turn now, and so on.

I met a woman who was in her mid-seventies who spoke fondly of her careers but was totally enjoying her retirement. She was so friendly and energetic. when I told her she looked much younger than her age, she laughed and replied, "Well I'm the new 77, not the old!" I talked to younger women who were looking forward to their children's summer off and full of plans to have great family times. Some of the women were challenging themselves to do and be more in the outside world, either through careers, running a business or volunteering in responsible positions. It was a joy to me to see so many women seeking to be their best selves and to experience life to the fullest.

I really enjoyed getting to know these women a little and loved giving the talk. Thank you Bay Area Country Club Women 's Association for inviting me!

LBYM

Do you know what LBYM means? It is an acronym for Living Below Your Means. The number one secret to being financially stable is to live below your means. Not very sexy, but really easy to understand.

So what does this mean in practical terms?

If you make (earnings or income) x dollars a month, and y dollars is your taxes, then you have z dollars (net) left to spend. That is x - y = z. Instead of spending z, to live below your means, you spend z - 10% or z - 20%. The extra 10 to 20% goes to savings or to investments. Your means is z and you spend less than z.

Living below your means will lead to:

• ever increasing wealth
• having emergency funds for the downtimes due to layoff, illness, etc.
• the possibility of becoming financially independent
• the possibility of retiring someday without being poverty stricken
• instilling financial discipline in both for you and your children
• less stress and chaos around money
• having enough money to buy all necessities plus a little for fun, pleasure, recreation and hobbies.
• feelings of security and a sense of satisfaction with your financial strategy
• stability

Some of my clients and students, friends and family are in precarious financial straits. Why? It's usually not because they don't make enough money to live on. By that, I mean they make the US average or better and could live on that amount. But they choose not to. In fact, I know several wealthy (in the top 10% of the country's wealthiest) who live from paycheck to paycheck and are deeply in debt.

What are some characteristics of those individuals and families who do not live below their means?

• They have large balances on their credit cards.
• They pay the minimum amount due on credit cards each month.
• They buy too much house, meaning the payments are too high and may be going up. Sometimes they buy using interest-only loans or variable rate loans with balloon payments after some number of years.
• They buy new cars every few years.
• They buy every desired consumer good including big screen TVs, the newest electronics, expensive toys, recreational vehicles such as RVs, boats, ATVs, scooters, etc.
• They do not have 3 to 6 months of emergency funds to support their families in times of layoffs, illness or other mishap.
• They have no retirement savings to speak of.
• They have no way to help their children through college except by taking out loans or charging it on the credit card.
• They often do not deny themselves or their children anything.
• They do not budget.
• They do not know for sure what their income and expenses are.
• They often juggle payments, expenses, buying and selling and cash flow.
• They are stressed out, unhappy, and depressed.

Of course, one can be living below your means and have a few of the above, such as lots of toys, but these are typical for those living above their means, especially when taking them as a group.

Living below your means is a simple concept. You take your salary, subtract your taxes, subtract your savings amount (10 or 20 or 30%) and what's left is yours to spend. But it also means being wise with your money. Oftentimes, it means doing the opposite of what is listed above under the characteristics of those who do not live below their means. Things such as never using a credit card unless you can pay it off in full each month; buying less house than you can "afford"; tracking your expenses and your income so you have a clear picture of your finances; driving your cars longer and buying used; and so on.

If you are interested in this concept, you may want to read the book Your Money Or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. It's a classic and an easy read.