What Do You Really Know?

One of the guidelines I usually give at the beginning of my workshops is to keep an open mind. As soon as we hear ourselves saying "Oh, I already know this" or "That's not true", we have lost our ability and will to learn something new, to hear something said in a different way, and to be "enlightened".

We all go through much of our lives, especially as middle aged adults, believing we already know most of what we need to know. Which is kind of silly when you think of it. Many of us are unhappy, depressed, angry, hate our jobs, dislike our relationships, are estranged from family...and yet we think we already know everything we need to know. Some of us are very tied to the story of "I know" or another way of saying that is "I am superior because I know."

Recently, I was hit over the head with this concept again. I hurt my right shoulder several months ago. After four months, I went to the doctor who xrayed me and said I had a "bone spur". He sent me to a surgeon. Now, about ten years ago, I had a bone spur in my left shoulder and had to have surgery to fix it. I "knew" what was involved. So I arranged my schedule to keep it open for the surgery on my right shoulder. I knew how long the rehab would take and how much discomfort I was in for. I was deeply upset about having to have surgery. I spent about a week spinning around talking about it at every turn, feeling anxious. Then I visit the surgeon who assures me I do not have a bone spur and that no surgery is needed. Of course, I was relieved, but the lesson was not lost. I had just lost a week of emotional equilibrium, even happiness, because "I knew" I was going to have surgery. I had closed my mind completely because "I knew".

I definitely was not living in the moment. I was not experiencing what the Buddhists call beginner's mind. I jumped way ahead looking at my imagined future, sure that I knew what was going to happen, how it was going to affect me, and what the doctor would say. Another way of saying this is I just made it all up. One can say, yes, but you had good reason because of previous experience, but that really doesn't fly. History does not always repeat itself, especially where humans are involved. We all have the chance to make changes, to react differently, to have a different perspective. If I had been living in the moment, experiencing life as it comes, the effect of the whole episode would have been minimal to non-existent. Instead it turned into a drama, something to dread and be unhappy about.

How often do we do this? Make up stories based on false expectations of our future? Or relive false memories of our past? I say false, because our brains are very selective about what we remember and emotions play a big part in how it is remembered. How much of what we experience on any given day is simply not true, not real? The next time, you feel yourself tightening up and the idea of "I know this already" comes to your mind, stop and free yourself. Remind yourself to relax and let go and live here right now. Life is much easier if you can keep a beginner's mind.

Do You Believe in the Law of Attraction?

What level of belief do you have in the law of attraction, that is, your ability to attract into your life, through your thoughts, emotions and informed actions, what you most desire? Most of us have had an experience of synchronicity where something shows up just when we need it or just the way we wanted it to. Many of us have had the experience of desiring something strongly and then having it happen just like we imagined. But we often don't generalize that into a strongly held belief.

The law of attraction works, but just I saying that it is true, doesn't necessarily mean you believe it. The thing is, if I asked you to look at your current thoughts and feelings and your current life, I bet they are a match. This is a kind of proof of the law of attraction working in yhour life. For example, if you are worried about money, feeling desperate about bills, feeling anxious and looking at how little you have, this is most likely mirrored by a lack of money in your life. Now, you probably will say, yes, but because I am out of money, I feel those things. I propose that it is the opposite. Because you feel those things, you lack money. The tricky thing is you don't believe that your present reality was brought into being by your thoughts and feelings.

I propose that you give the law of attraction the benefit of the doubt. Choose something you want, start practicing changing your thoughts and feelings to positive, energizing ones, and notice what happens. Stay open to the possibility that this will bring you what you want. Allow it into your life.

Keep a manifestation log; a diary of what you desire, how you are doing at keeping your thoughts and feelings positive, how you are doing at noticing signs from the Universe or God that you are to take action, and how open you are to receiving what you asked for. Keep a daily record of what is occuring around this one desire. As you practice, you will find that your success rate goes up. As you manifest each new desire, your confidence in this process will go up. Try it for 30 days and see what happens. Let me know.

Oprah - The Secret - The Law of Attraction

Did you see the teachers from the movie, The Secret, on Oprah today? I was quite excited because it makes these concepts more mainstream and available to so many more folks.

I'd love to know what you thought about what was said on the program? Any comments?

Also, if you are new to the Law of Attraction, or just want to reinforce your practice, I'm teaching my classic law of attraction workshop, The Attraction Circle, starting next month via Teleclass. Read more or sign up at http://www.lifeunfolds.com/attractioncircle.htm.

The Proof

I've written several articles on being versus doing. I believe that we are worthy of love, prosperity and success just because we exist. We do not have to earn the right to have these. However, many of us still struggle with our beliefs about our own worthiness and greatness. If you need a boost in this area, here is an exercise to help.

Do you lack self-confidence in your ability to achieve? Do you need proof that you are competent, worthy of success, capable of handling what comes to you? Are you afraid of failure? Here's an exercise to truly own your greatness.

List your life accomplishments. Yes, all of them. Search high and low and include everything you can think of. Ask your family and friends to offer suggestions. Spend an hour or two or three on this.

Here's just a few from my own list as an example:

1. Won fourth grade spelling bee.
2. Graduated high school.
3. Graduated college with a business degree while working and raising a family.
4. Raised a loving, sweet son.
5. Learned and taught sign language.
6. Learned to drive a car.
7. Painted a house.
8. Learned about financial matters and invested my own money.
9. Learned to ride a bicycle, row a canoe and kayak, play volleyball, softball, racquetball.
10. Ran 6 miles.
11. Learned to crawl and walk and talk.
12. Learned to cook.
13. Created a website and blogs.
14. Became a corporate Vice-President.
15. Programmed computers.
16. Camped alone. Set up my own tent.

Your list may run to the hundreds and many pages.

Pick out the top ten life achievements. Write down what skills, traits and activities it took you to accomplish this. Again, here's an example.

"Graduated college while working full-time and raising a family."

Skills and traits:
Organization skills
Speed reading
High energy
Perseverance
Intelligence
Drive/ambition
Time management
Study skills
Communication skills
Assertiveness skills
Flexibility
Planning skills
Writing skills
Test taking skills
Courage
And the list goes on.

Now turn each of these into "I" statements. For example, I am courageous. I am flexible. I have exceptional planning skills. I have good communication skills, etc. Play with the wording until it feels good, feels right, feels strong.

Even though I was not aware of the law of attraction or the idea of manifesting at the time, I know that graduating college was an incredibly strong desire for me. I can look back and see synchronistic events that led me to get enrolled and to finish. Look at your top ten from this point of view as well.

Now one of the obstacles that may jump up when you do this is comparing yourself to others or to some ideal. For example, yes, I graduated from college, but I don't have a Master's or Ph.D. Or yes, I learned to walk and talk, but everybody does that so it doesn't count. Or yes, I learned to cook, but I could have been a gourmet cook. These are all manifestations of your inner critic, that part of yourself that will never be satisfied with what you do (no matter what). If you'd gotten two Ph.D.'s, your inner critic would have said "you could have had a MD or a third PhD."
This is one inner voice that must be tamed. Try for this exercise, to just acknowledge the voice and let it go.

Are you convinced? Do you see your greatness? Are you willing to admit that you are a successful person and can do pretty much anything you set your mind to do? Can you own it and say out loud, "I really am great!"

Notice:

1. By taking one step at a time, often very small steps, you accomplished big or advanced goals.
2. You learned things you may have thought were difficult or impossible at the time.
3. You have many traits you need for success and some are very well developed.
4. You have accomplished a lot more than you might feel or think.
5. You have had many successes in your life.
6. Many, if not all, of these goals started out as desires.
7. You may have had fear about doing some of these things and did them anyway.

What did you learn in this excrcise? Anything you want to share?

Mid-Life Mentors

I spent my weekend at a spiritual retreat. It was wonderful being with my spiritual friends, hearing the teacher, and it was held in Galveston at a beach house which didn't hurt either! Picture was taken on beach at retreat Sunday morning.

One of the points the teacher made was how challenging it can be to find good, solid mentors for those in mid-life and beyond. Mentors provide us with a well-worn path to what we want. We don't have to invent our own way; someone else has been there before us. All we have to do is model our actions after those who have what we desire. We can learn from their example.

In our youth, we modeled our lives after our parents and teachers, celebrities, those in public service, or even our friends. As we grew and gained wisdom, we sought others who had what we wanted. Maybe it was a successful career or wealth. I know I emulated the male vice-presidents at my corporation because that's what I wanted at the time. There were no women role models so I took what was at hand. In our child-bearing years we modeled others who were great parents as we had our own children. Possibly our grandparents or our neighbors or even our pediatrician.

Now we are approaching mid-life or are beyond it. This is a new life phase, a chance to change our life direction, to choose more wisely based on who we are today and on who we want to become.

I personally want my life to be simpler, more satisfying, less material-driven, more spiritual, more balanced. Oh, and a little more adventurous and challenging! I would like to be more fearless and much kinder. I want to make a difference in the world.

My mentor is my Buddhist lama. He is an absolute example of everything I want in my own life. I am privileged to know him, but not everyone is so lucky and not everyone wants what I want.

A mentor or role model can be the catalyst for change. He or she can be the proof we may need that the life we seek is possible, can be happy and satisfying, that it is not all a pipe dream. A mentor will exhibit traits that we desire for ourselves. He or she will often show us methods or the way to become "like" them through their own life stories and through their example.

Who is your mentor? Here are a few questions to help you find someone to speed you on your way to the life you want to create.

Who is living the life that you want?
Who models for you genuine happiness, a life of community and service, your spiritual values? Who, through the expression of their own life, gives you the confidence that the life you seek can be created and can give you true happiness?
What characteristics do they exhibit that you can emulate?
What methods or training did they get to be who they are today?
What do you admire about them?
What do they have that you desire?

I encourage you to look around at your friends, family, acquaintances, community and spiritual leaders, teachers and elsewhere. Read biographies of people you admire. Listen to their stories and learn. Find your mentor(s) today.